Archive | January, 2014

A Little Down Lately

18 Jan

Do you ever have days where for absolutely no reason you can point to you are a bit down? I’ve been having days like that lately and when I have the energy to care it pisses me off, mostly I don’t have the energy to care though lol

This evening I am a bit down but I know why. I got booked in a non-union no-pay commercial that is filming tomorrow. The plan was I would rush after work to the set and film, yay! Even though I wouldn’t be getting paid it would be good exposure and I looooove being on set. Plus, it is my first official booking with my new agent and it seemed like a great sign for how the rest of the year would go, so soon in the year getting a booking? What a wicked start!

Well, sigh, I got an email that the time of the shoot has been changed to tomorrow at 11:30am, I can’t make it because I will be at my day job and it wasn’t enough notice for me to swap shifts. Ugh. Luckily, because it is a no-pay gig I won’t get in trouble for not being able to go anymore but there goes my exposure, double sigh.

Since I got the email with the change of time I’ve been down. On my drive back to my apartment after work this evening I was actively thinking about getting a milk shake, as if drinking a ridiculously high in calorie drink would somehow make me feel better. Taste good suuuuuure but do anything good for me long term? Nope. Short term though…well, that’s a different matter since some days a person just wants to eat/drink their feelings lol

Instead of buying a milkshake I made a drink at home that I love but rarely have because it isn’t all that great for me (though there are a lot worse drinks out there lol) but also because I like saving it as a treat.

these two added to warm milk = deliciousness

these two added to warm milk = deliciousness

You take milk, warm it on the stove, while it is heating up add a couple tablespoons of the almond powder that is in the pink tin, stir for a bit, pour in to a mug and sprinkle some nutmeg on top.

It’ll look like this…

Warm Almond Milk topped with Nutmeg

Warm Almond Milk topped with Nutmeg

If you are like me you have a mug you use for special comfort drinks (hot chocolate, warm almond milk with nutmeg…um, those are my only comfort drinks lol) which is why my drink is in that snazzy Star Trek mug that I got in Vegas. 🙂

I haven’t been working out a lot lately, read between the lines and that translates to “I haven’t been working out at all lately” 😦 Bad me! *shakes finger at self* Mostly because of the hip and a small part because of my being lazy lol I went for a walk last Wednesday and am embarrassed to admit that was my only form of activity for all of last week. Laaaaaaame!

So now I’m trying to decide which way the correlation goes, do I feel down and as a result haven’t been exercising or have I not been exercising and that has me feeling down…either way the result is I am not exercising. *rolls eyes* I had a day or two last week where if I had wanted to push the hip I probably could have done something active but didn’t go because (get this!) I felt fat! Yeah, you read that right…I had a day where I didn’t go to the gym because I felt too fat to go to the gym, I felt that everyone would be staring and judging me as I failed on the treadmill, as I tried to lift weights, as I looked ridiculous stretching…you get the idea…

I am well aware of the faults in this logic…I can’t get in shape if I am not exercising but I was feeling too down and fat to want to go exercise. This is not a situation I am used to and I’m not really sure how to get out of it…*confused face*

I’ve decided I’m fed up with myself. Hell, I am irritating myself. So tonight before I go to bed I am going to pack a bag with my work out stuff in it and hang it on the door knob to my front door, that way I can’t possibly forget it tomorrow when I leave for work. Then after work no matter what I am exercising! I may go to the gym, I may go for an outdoor run, I dunno, but I am damn sure I am gonna do something cause no way I’ll start feeling better about how I look if I just keep doing nothing.

get out of your own way

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Shallow Moment Happening…Right Now!

17 Jan

Ahahahahahaha I just finished jumping up and down, doing a little (ok, big!) butt wiggle of a dance and aaaalmost silently squealing like a little girl!

Guess whose online purchases showed up in the mail todaaaaaay?

Yay for new stuff! 😀

This whole delayed gratification thing? Totally worth it! wOOt! wOOt!

My jacket was waiting on the doorstep when I left my place today to go to work, I took the package with me but left it in my car while I was working, drove me nuts I couldn’t open it right away lol When I was off work I drove to a friend’s house, she has a pair of snow pants that she was willing to let me have (provided they fit of course) because she’d bought a new pair and this pair was still in excellent condition but obviously she doesn’t need two pairs.

Purple and green, awesome combo!

Purple and green, awesome combo!

I was kinda worried, ok, really worried I’d be too fat for them. KR is way tinier than me and even though she was replacing these pants because they were way too big for her I was still worried what was way to big on her would be too small on me. I was all prepared to be mad at myself when I tried them on and they didn’t fit but guess what?? Not only do they fit, they are a bit loose! OMG yay!! Even though she didn’t want any money for the pants no way could I not give her something for them (brand new they would cost around $200 and these were in such good shape she could have easily sold them for $100). She finally said $50 which duh, oh course I said yes to but I’m pretty sure I’m gonna give her a bit more than that cause they are so awesome and she’s doing me such a huuuuge favour.

Then, when I got home waiting for me on my doorstep were my new boots from Aldo, sweeeet! They fit perfectly, super comfy, nice n cozy, I can’t wait to wear them out! 🙂

They are finally all miiiiiine!

They are finally all miiiiiine!

So now I am dying to go to the mountain and try out my new gear, I wanna break in the jacket and snowpants and my snowshoes oh-so-badly but alas, I hafta work tomorrow so no going to the mountain for me. Boo! I’ll be going this coming week on my days off for sure!

The boots however are not meant for snowshoeing, nope, they are meant for fashion so I’m pretty darn sure I’ll be finding a way to wear those suckers, oh I dunno, tomoorrow? lol 😛

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7 Second Slate

16 Jan

Slate: a quick blurb you say about yourself on camera right before the start of an audition to make it easier for the casting directors to know who they are watching. In your slate you generally say some combination of your name, your agent info and what role you are auditioning for.

Easy peasy. 🙂

acting

Well, there is a new type of slate being used in the acting world and today I filmed one. It was 7 seconds and I had to say my name and something about me that is not about acting. I had 7 seconds to show my personality, make myself sound interesting and basically convince people I have never met to choose me to see in person.

omg! Who can do that in 7 seconds?! lol

Oddly enough I find it harder to do a slate than to do an audition scene. Either type of slate! I think because slipping in to the skin of a character is easy, and since you are no longer you but your character it doesn’t matter what you do in front of the camera cause it isn’t you, it is the character you are being. But a slate? Ugh. You have a super short window of time to show who you are, while saying a blurb of information, and for some reason I always turn in to a bit of a robot when I do a slate.

Today, after I did my second take the camera guy said, and I quote “ok, that was good, let’s do one more and try to have fun” Fun. *rolls eyes* I do have fun when acting but sooooometimes I have to be reminded of that, usually during an especially intense scene, which for anybody reading this who isn’t into acting is kinda normal so don’t go thinking I suck or something lol But to need to be reminded to have fun while doing a slate? Makes me want to kick myself a little bit lol The next take was much better, in fact, it was the one we used, so yay!

For the slate I had to dress in the same outfit I wore for my main head shot and I had to try to make myself look as close to my head shot as possible, this means I had to make myself look purdy 😉 lol So today I was that girl who had the makeup and hair done, the cute dress and high heeled boots on and wow is it funny how you get completely different looks when dressed like that vs wearing yoga pants and a hoodie lol

Dressing up like that always makes me feel a bit like an imposter lol

I’m going to pretend you are interested in why these 7 second slates are being filmed and explain where they are used lol Feel free to skip ahead if you *gasp* aren’t curious…though how could you not be? 😉 😛

There is a website that is used by agents, casting directors and actors for setting up auditions. It isn’t the only way auditions are set up but one of them. As an actor it is my responsibility to have an updated resume, head shots, demo reel and now a slate on the site. My agent can submit my page from that website to casting directors who are posting casting calls and auditions. When my page gets submitted the casting director will take a look, see my head shot, check out my resume and if they like what they see they will then click on my head shot and they will get a pop up page that will show them my 7 second slate. This gives them a chance to hear my voice, see my body language, witness my energy…basically give them more information so they can decide if they want to see me in person or not.

So far there is only one website that is using this 7 second slate, other sites you can upload your demo reel either for free or for a small amount of money and the casting director can watch that instead. This particular site wants to charge me $22 per minute for my demo reel! Ridonkulous! Which means they get my little slate and not my demo reel cause dude, I’m not made of money, eesh.

So yeah, my day was planned around filming something that lasts 7 seconds lol Oh the weird life of an actor 😛

Afterwards I grabbed some take out sushi, hung out at a friend’s house for a couple hours, came back to my place did some random tidying up, put laundry in, plopped my butt down in my living room chair and proceeded to watch really boring tv lol. I decided I was fed up with my viewing options and was starting to stand up so I could go change and go to the gym when my timer beeped reminding I had to switch over the laundry and poof! my plan of going to the gym went up in smoke cause oops, I’d kinda forgotten I had clothes in the machines and other stuff waiting to go in. I hate being that person who takes up the laundry machines by not removing my stuff within five minutes of the machines being done so no way was I gonna go out, especially when I still had a whole other load to go in the wash. My laundry didn’t finish till 10:49pm and my gym closes at 11pm so guess who completely missed out on a gym visit due to laundry? Yup. This girl. How dumb is that?!

I’m gonna set my alarm for earlier then normal tomorrow morning and see if I can drag my butt out of bed early enough to go to the gym before work but considering how much I hate mornings I’m not holding out much hope I’ll make it to the gym. lol. And no, I don’t even feel bad saying that cause I figure hey, least I know myself! 😀

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Delayed Gratification

16 Jan

Online shopping teaches us a valuable lesson. It teaches us that sure when you press “purchase” you may get that excited feeling in your tummy because you just bought something awesome but that doesn’t mean you’ll get to enjoy that item right away, not like when you go shopping in a store.

Oh delayed gratification, how you taunt me!

Recently I bought boots, boots that I have been wanting for months and months. I patiently stalked the boots online, waiting until they were at a sale price I could afford and when they were reduced in price I pounced! I quickly put a pair of those boots in my online shopping cart, hit the checkout button and presto! I became the proud owner of a pair of kick ass boots. Wellll, an owner in name only since they didn’t just magically jump out of my computer screen onto my lap. Nope. They are in transit somewhere, sloooooowly making their way to me. Ok fine, not that slowly, I’m just impatient so the 3-5 business days it will take to get those boots feels like forever. I know I know, first world problems *rolls eyes*

2014-01-15 00.04.52

The other day, I bought a jacket, yup, I was online shopping again. I can vaguely justify this purchase because I have been trying since November to find a jacket and snow pants for snowshoeing and have been having miserable luck with it. I have basically stopped looking in the stores because the jackets they put on sale only seem to be in extra-small size and even then they cost $300 and up. How is that a sale price?? And how is it that everyone is ok with the cost of winter sports gear?? It’s ridiculous! So yeah, every week or so I check online for jackets and snow pants. I haven’t been too rushed because we’ve had a depressing lack of snow on the mountains this year so even if I had all my gear I wouldn’t be able to go snowshoeing yet. The lateness of the snow kinda worked in my favour that way. Well, guess who got snow? Yup, us! WooHoo! Rain in the city, snow in the mountains, finally! Only problem is now I wanna get my ass up to the mountain but can’t cause I don’t have the right clothes to go through the trails on my snowshoes without freezing, or coming out drenched lol.

I found a jacket, my size, on sale, and if I signed up for the email list from the company I’d get an additional discount on my purchase aaaand they were having a “spend x amount of money get free shipping” promotion. The sale price and the free shipping were both ending the next day so I felt mildly pressured to buy! buy! buy! Even though I hated the idea of buying a jacket online I hadn’t tried on it seemed this was going to be the only way I could get one so out came the credit card and boom! I increased my debt load. 😛

I was all excited the next day, thinking how I bought a new jacket blah blah blah but the excitement faded when I realized there was no real point in telling anyone about it since I couldn’t actually describe it except for what I read in the description and saw in the pictures. I can’t talk about how good it fits (hopefully it does!) or how I love the colour (it might not look the same in person) or how warm/waterproof/epic it is cause I haven’t actually had a face-to-jacket experience yet. It’s kinda driving me nuts lol

You know where else you have to cope with delayed gratification? Weight loss. Getting in shape. Changing to a healthy lifestyle. Building muscle. Whatever your plan is, whatever your final goal is, whatever you want to call it…they all teach us about delayed gratification cause duuuude, none of that stuff happens overnight, sadly. 😛

patience

You may change to healthy eating habits and follow them religiously, you may start a work out plan and never deviate from it, you may do or change any or all aspects of your life to achieve whatever changes to your body you want to achieve but the changes won’t happen overnight, they won’t even happen within a month, you just have to trust in what you are doing and wait. Wait for the changes to be visible in the mirror, visible to other people, visible to your critical judgement of your body.

That waiting can be hard. That waiting can invite doubt, skepticism, impatience, it can invite all kinds of things that are hard to battle. You may start to think you are doing something wrong, that you are failing because you don’t see changes yet, you may be tempted to go back to your old way of eating, your old way of not exercising, you may think what does it matter when all those changes you made to your lifestyle aren’t creating change to your body.

This is where patience comes in. The same patience I have to attempt to have so I don’t go nuts about the boots and jacket that are en route to me through the postal system is the same patience I have to try to hold on to when looking at my body and being upset I don’t see changes to it despite having made changes to my eating and/or exercising.

I have to attempt to be realistic about the process. I can’t expect the boots or jacket to show up on my doorstop the next day just like I can’t expect my body to be instantly slimmer and toned because I made changes to my diet and exercise regime last month. The changes that have begun are internal, I’m sure my innards are getting healthier even if my outer body isn’t showing much difference.

Something else I have to remember is to stop being so hard on myself when I don’t see those changes right away. I am impatient. I want to wake up tomorrow and look exactly how I want to look even though I know that is impossible, I’m sick of working at it, fighting for it, I want the results to be here already. When I look in the mirror and see the results aren’t here yet I start to call myself names, put myself down, think poorly of myself. I judge myself more harshly then anyone else ever could, I know all the right buttons to push, all the best mean comments to make, all the areas I am most sensitive about to criticize. I am my worst critic. I am my meanest judge. I am my biggest doubter.

And I have to stop that.

I have to trust that I will get there, that one day I will look in a mirror and like what I see, or at least not hate it. Just like I know the boots and jacket will eventually arrive I have to have faith that the changes I am working for will eventually be visible. Otherwise I’ll spend my whole adult life hating my body and that is just a waste of my time. 😛

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Driven To Eat

13 Jan

I am not a huge alcohol drinker. I’m not that person who has a glass of wine every evening, or who when out for dinner automatically orders a highball and I’m definitely not that person who when stressed/irritated makes the comment “I need a drink!”

I completely understand the urge to reach for something to take the edge off though. What do I reach for?

Chocolate! 😀

Yes, that’s right, when I am done dealing with a super stressful/annoying situation I think (though rarely say) “I need chocolate!” and heaven help me if there is any nearby *rolls eyes*

I used to reach for fast food, so I suppose reaching for chocolate is a bit of an improvement?…ok fine, I know it’s not but let me have my illusion k? 😉

Today I had to deal with this one resident who tests my patience like nobody else on the planet. She tests everybody’s patience so don’t go judging me and thinking I’m the only one who has an issue here lol She’s a nice lady, just…shrug, high maintenance? Something that should take less than 5 minutes to sort easily takes 30 minutes cause of how she does things. If it is quiet then it’s fine but today I had line ups at the desk, every phone line ringing and she was being super high maintenance, as in suuuuuuper high maintenance! As in omg I want to hit my head against a wall to get out of this situation because that would be less painful!

After I was done helping her I actually sat at my desk, head in my hands, exhausted from the ordeal. I also actively had the thought “I need chocolate. Desperately need chocolate.” Fortunately, or unfortunately (depending how you want to look at it) we had some lovely Purdy’s chocolates at work and oh boy did I snack! Three! I ate three amazingly delish chocolates, they are two layers of chocolate with a layer of mint in between, it was my first time having them and I can easily say they are ranking up there as a new fave. Mmm!

Mmm! Chocolate and mint, one of the best combos ev-ah!

Mmm! Chocolate and mint, one of the best combos ev-ah!

I know it isn’t good to have food as a release valve when stressed, just like it isn’t good to use food as a reward or a way to celebrate something or provide comfort for something going badly…and yet! lol

I don’t use food for any of those reasons as much as I used to, or at least I don’t think I do, but I can definitely remember a number of times when I used food for those reasons. I remember after a photo shoot a couple years ago, it ended around 9pm and I hadn’t eaten since breakfast so I was starving, as a way to celebrate an awesome shoot I bought pizza and dessert breadsticks on the way home from Panago. I justified the meal because (1) I hadn’t eaten in a freakish long time and (2) celebrating a great shoot. Ridiculous right? I’ve had other similar situations and it’s, sigh, it’s just a dumb way to use food. I try to get my thinking to change to “food is fuel” but it’s hard. So many people socialize around food, or celebrate around food, or mourn around food, food is used in so many situations that I guess it’s a natural progression to food becoming a source of comfort, a stress reliever, a way to celebrate.

Just because it is a natural progression doesn’t mean it isn’t stupid though. 😛

Speaking of stupid…I was supposed to go to the gym today after work. It was to be my first time back since being sick and then the hip injury. I had my whole workout plan figured out, was actually pretty psyched to be going back and what happened? I ended up napping when I got home, then taking forever to properly wake up, then taking forever to figure out what to make for dinner and making it and eating it, then I got wrapped up in watching the new episode of Law & Order SVU and then it became now and it is too late to go. Crap. I know it’s my fault I didn’t go, I should have gone right after work, or forced myself to get up from that nap, or something but I didn’t and now I have yet one more day under my belt of not hitting up the gym…and what makes it worse is that one more day under my belt involves three Purdy’s chocolates! *groan*

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My “Egg McMuffin”

11 Jan
my version of an egg McMuffin

my version of an egg McMuffin

I keep seeing ads for McDonald’s Egg McMuffins and those ads make me want one cause they look soooooo tasty! Forget the part about my not eating that form of meat (pork? no thank you! lol) and also forget the part about how I don’t eat fast food anymore…doesn’t mean the ads don’t work on me lol

I decided to make my own version of an egg mcmuffin and not to sound cocky but I think what I came up with is even better then what McD’s makes! *gasp* shocking I know! 😉

I take a piece of toast, put a slice of havarti cheese with jalapenos on top, then layer with turkey bacon, sauteed sliced mushrooms, an over easy with the yolk still runny egg and half an avocado sliced on top.

Holy crap it was tasty! No idea at all if it is anything resembling a healthy meal but the calories were soooo worth it lol

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You Know When…

10 Jan

You know when you lost something super important but it’s not really lost because it is in your apartment somewhere and you know it is in your apartment somwhere because you remember taking it out of the spot it usually lives and putting it somewhere “safe” only the logic you used to pick that so called safe spot is eluding you so now instead of being safe it is hidden and you are freaking out because what if you actually accidentally threw it out when organizing and it really is lost and not “safe”? phew…*deep breath*

this was me at 3am, only I am in colour

this was me at 3am, only I am in colour

That was me, this morning, at around 3am. Freaking out because something wasn’t where I was so certain it would be and I couldn’t for the life of me remember where I put it and of course I couldn’t sleep cause who can sleep when they realize they may have permanently misplaced something super important? omg, must remember to breathe, and punctuate! lol

Luckily I found what I was freaking out about, put it in a new “safe” spot but this time the spot where it actually belongs and all is good in my little section of the world. 🙂

But yeah, that was me in the wee hours of the morning. Talk about not being in a good frame of mind for falling asleep. I’ve been running on low batteries today due to lack of sleep because of my 3am freak out. I’m all eager to go home, have a cup of decaf tea and chill before going to bed nice n early buuuuut I have a party after work soooooo no early bedtime for moi. Which in all honesty is probably better cause dude, I’ve gotta socialize! Can’t always have a quiet night at home or I’ll turn in to that rock with moss growing on it and well, ew!

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Boooooooots!

9 Jan

Way back before Christmas there were a pair of boots being sold at Aldo that I was lusting after the same way a fat kid lusts after the last chocolate in a box. I wanted those boots!

Yay for boots!

Yay for boots!

See the pic of them? Aren’t they so purdy? 😀

They were on sale when I looked at them prior to Christmas but were still too pricey for me. Being the girl that I am I then checked the price of the boots during boxing week sales but they were still too pricey! Mean ol Aldo pricing things I want too high! *pout*

Tonight when I was going through my email I had an email flyer from Aldo, I get them all the time, talk about being bombarded from a company but since I love looking at shoes I guess I don’t totally mind lol I of course went directly to these boots to see if they were on sale, well, on better sale then they were the last time I checked and guess what? S.A.L.E!! Way better sale then the previous discount price! Yay! The boots were in my price range! So guess who immediately purchased a pair? Yup, this girl. 😀 They should be here in 3-5 business days. I am grateful Canada Post is still delivering to houses lol

I was so excited to buy the boots I didn’t check my bank balance prior to making the purchase. Aldo gives you the option of paying online using your debit card so you can avoid using a credit card, I prefer this option because then I can only buy the item if I actually have the money for it instead of putting it on a credit card and pretending I can afford to shop lol Well uh, *clears throat* I didn’t check my bank balance before pressing the “purchase” button, I checked it after and uh, crap, I should not have bought the boots *rolls eyes* I’m soooo happy I already did my grocery shopping lol now I just have to make it to payday without buying anything! lol Hmm, that’s only…8 days away…could be worse lol 😛

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Acai Berry Tea Break

9 Jan
Eeyore makes every tea break awesome

Eeyore makes every tea break awesome

For my birthday and Christmas I got quite the selection of teas from various people – which is awesome! 🙂

I hadn’t really told people that I was trying to enter in to the world of decaf tea, though I know some of my friends/family would have read about that on this blog. As you may or may not remember my foray in to the world of purchasing decaf tea was going horrible lol You’d think it’d be easy to buy decaf tea, or oh I don’t know, read the label on the tea to ensure it is decaf before purchasing it buuuut apparently that is just not something I do – read the label I mean lol I ended up on a couple different occasions buying a new type of tea thinking it would be decaf only to learn that it wasn’t. Not like it is the end of the world, the tea is still tasty but I was trying to buy decaf for a reason and my consistently buying caffeinated was messing with my plan. *rolls eyes*

Why did I want decaf tea? I was experimenting with something. See, I have a lot of trouble getting to sleep and while I don’t think the small amount of caffeine in my before-bed cup of tea was actually affecting my ability to get to sleep I thought it couldn’t hurt to cut out that small amount of caffeine from my nightly routine to see if the absence of it made a difference. Because I so thoroughly sucked at buying decaf tea I didn’t really get to test this hypothesis out before I left for my parent’s place for Christmas. Lucky for me my dad is now drinking decaf tea so my parents had a bunch of it in the house which means while visiting I drank his decaf tea at night. I didn’t notice a difference while I was there but it’s not like cutting out the caffeine hurt me either. shrug.

some of the teas I got as presents

some of the teas I got as presents

Since I’ve been back in BC I’ve been drinking my Tetley caffeinated tea and not really remembering I was going to try decaf teas at night, oops! In my defence I’ve been busy dealing with being sick then with this whole hip thing so I’ve kinda had other things on my mind. This evening though I actually remembered, practically a miracle! lol

What’s funny about my timing is that I had a headache this evening and made a cup of tea thinking I hadn’t had enough caffeine today and a quick cuppa would set things to right but while waiting for the water to boil I remembered all my lovely new decaf teas and randomly chose the Acai Berry flavour. Didn’t really clue in until I was sitting with my cup of tea in my hands and my laptop on my lap that this time I reversed my screw up. I was supposed to be drinking caffeinated to help with my headache but this time I chose decaf…it’s like I can’t manage to get this caffeine vs decaff tea thing straight lol

I have to invest in one of those loose leaf tea holding thingys…those ones that you dunk in a cup of hot water the same way you dunk a tea bag…I can’t remember what they are called…*confused face* up until now all my tea has always been in tea bags, and while this evenings choice of tea was also in a tea bag some of the teas I received were not, they are loose leaf (obviously lol)…which means I have no way to drink them lol

Actually, my mom did suggest on using a sieve, a small one, basically put some loose leaf in a tea pot, let it steep, then when pouring in to a cup put the sieve on top of the cup to catch the leaves. I can in theory do that but do you think I can find the small sieve that I was oh so certain I owned? Of course I can’t! lol So tomorrow while I am out I may or may not buy a loose leaf tea holder thingy, and oh man I can just imagine the look on the face of the person in the shop when that is what I ask for lol 😛

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No I Wasn’t Skiing!

6 Jan

The amount of times I got asked at work today if I was using crutches because I hurt myself skiing is, well, un-countable! lol As if that is the only reason a person would be on crutches? *rolls eyes*

one of my crutches, I feel it needs a name but what to call it?

one of my crutches, I feel it needs a name but what to call it?

I also got offered in a kind of joking way the use of one of the resident’s walkers because she wasn’t going to need it for the day. Hmm, what else? It was suggested I get a wheelchair or a motorized scooter, it is now a running joke that I should move in to where I work since I am experiencing a medical problem generally had by seniors, I was given all manner of nicknames and I amused many people just by being on the crutches.

That being said I also experienced amazingly nice offers of help, people stepping in to make things easier for me, hugs, sympathy, get better wishes…so I guess all the being poked fun of was worth it for all of the nice stuff. I had multiple residents tell me that if I needed help with getting things done to call them and they would come down from their suites and give me a hand. These aren’t bored-to-tears-looking-for-something-to-do people in case you are wondering, these are busy-have-their-own-lives-but-are-so-thoughtful people that they would take time out of their day to help me.

Sometimes the simplest action or offer can really make a girl smile. 🙂

Work was tricky because of (1) the crutches and (2) the hip discomfort. Notice it has been down graded from horrible horrible pain to discomfort? Yay!

The anti-inflammatory+pain pills seem to be helping a bit, they are causing oh so not lovely side effects though, which sucks. I’m constantly straddling the choice of which do I want to deal with: the hip pain and loss of mobility or the side effects? You’d think I’d be all about getting rid of the hip pain and mobility issues and screw the side effects buuuuuut they are pretty unpleasant so I’m torn…

I was late with my pill this morning and had a raging headache because of it which concerns me. If after only two days of being on these pills missing one gives me that nasty of a headache what will happen after I’ve been on them for the full length of the prescription? *worried face* Also, they are giving me a gurgling tummy which while not painful or anything is kinda weird…oh! Don’t forget to add the almost constant nausea which makes it difficult to eat so I can even take the stupid pill, sigh. There are other side effects but I’ll stop the list here lol

I’m intending to do some internet research on these pills, see what is being said about them and I may go to the walk in clinic and see a non ER doctor about them, make sure they are really the right choice for me. Not that I don’t trust that second doctor that I saw who prescribed them but, well, I don’t trust her, shrug. She didn’t seem to really care about how much pain I was in or seem at all interested or concerned about what I was going through. Maybe I am asking too much of her but the doctor I saw on the first visit definitely cared about what was going on with my hip. The second doctor seemed to think I just wanted some pills and to be let go. The moron. I really want to know why this happened, did I do something to cause it, can I prevent it from happening again, how can I speed up my recovery, stuff like that…that second doctor, she had no curiosity left which is just sad, and annoying. Plus, I really want to know what the hell is in my hip?? A calcification? An infection? A tumor? What the fuck is it?!?! It’s In. My. Hip! It’s freaking me out! Nobody said the C word, and I’m sure if there was even a hint of that it would’ve shown in my blood work (messed up white blood cell numbers an all that – thank you high school biology lol) but still, when you are told twice there is something showing on the tests and that something is in your hip well…it makes a brain wander down some not so pleasant paths…

On a lighter note my cat just stretched and fell right off the ottoman he was just moments ago passed out on lol

I’m hoping when I go to work on Friday (Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday are my days off) I will be sans crutches *crosses fingers* cause they are so annoying, and attention grabbing in a way I don’t like, aaaaaand if I’m still using them it’ll mean the hip isn’t getting better as fast as I would like. So positive thoughts people! Positive thoughts! 🙂

Something else that kept getting commented on was how my outlook was good, how I was in a good mood despite what was going on and how I wasn’t letting this get me down. Those comments just confuse me, lol. Even if I was in a negative head space because of what was going on I can’t let that show at work, like I’m gonna be a cranky-pants in a professional environment cause I’m hurt? Uhhhh, no! But also, it’s all about perspective. Sure this sucks, sure I don’t like it, sure I’d rather it didn’t happen but it’s not the end of the world, it’s not a death sentence, it’s not even a permanent change in lifestyle sentence. It’s a I’m-hurt-now-but-will-most-likely-get-better sentence. What’s so bad about that? The second ER visit, a guy got brought in on a back board, wearing a heavy duty neck brace, who had a skiing accident. He went flying and landed head first against a boulder. The doctor told him if he’d hit just a little bit harder or at a slightly different angle he’d be paralyzed from the neck down. He has two fractured vertebrae, is on flat bed rest for potentially months, has nerve damage that should heal (but ya never know) and his biggest movement for the next while will be getting put up to a ten degree angle so he can eat and drink. He won’t be leaving that bed (or at least the bed they transfer him to) for a long time, his life right now is permanently changed and who knows how his long term life will be affected.

My hip problem compared to that? It’s nothing. I went to a nail appointment after work today (to get my shellac polish removed), hobbling along on my crutches. That guy can’t even scratch his knee with his fingers, or sit up right, or go to work, or walk, or hug his family and friends, or go to the bathroom without a nurse helping him, or shower, or or or…I’m thinking you get my drift lol

There is always somebody who is worse off so before getting all woe-is-me think about all the things you can still do. All the things you still have. Then maybe give yourself a little hug and a pep talk and go on your merry way, but send some positive vibes out there for those who are worse off, cause they could probably use them. 🙂

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