Tag Archives: fat

I’m Back and I Can’t Breathe

28 Dec

I’m sick and I can’t breathe and I have no appetite and I have to work tomorrow and I’m going to bed soon. *yawn*

I managed to catch a cold the day before I left Alberta, boo! Every time I go home for Christmas I get sick. Every. Time. I was so sure I’d managed to ditch that particular tradition but my immune system apparently had other ideas. Stupid immune system. lol

If you take away the getting sick part of my trip I had a great time! Got to hang out a lot with my parents which I am sooooo grateful for, I miss them lots and was glad to have a whole bunch of quality time with them. My last full day there I hung out with various friends. It’s always good to catch up and gossip with my peeps. 🙂 I wish I’d been able to have a longer trip but even as I miss my family and friends that are in Alberta I also miss here. This is where I live after all, where my cat is, my BC friends, my soon to be awesome career (please please please let the acting gods be with me! lol).

One other thing I miss when I’m not here in BC? The weather! I left -21C weather (and colder) this afternoon to come back to +5 with nooooo windchill! wOOt! 😀 Also no snow, no icy roads, no winter in the traditional Canadian style lol

Normally I get sicker earlier in my Christmas visit and as a result two things happen. The first is my mom takes care of me for a couple days and that is always nice. The other is I lose weight. I’m the only person I know who loses weight every Christmas and ya know what, I don’t care if I lose it cause I am sick, I lose it and I keep it off and all is merry and bright. lol 🙂

This year however I got sick late in the visit, the night before I had to leave. Which means that while my mom (and dad) were sympathetic that I was sick there was no coddling cause I had stuff to do before leaving. I did however get a nice big bowl of my mom’s homemade turkey soup, best soup ever! It was delish! Also, I didn’t lose weight this year. *gasp* In fact, I think I gained weight. Who am I kidding, of course I gained weight there is no “I think” about it!

this would be me if I was a cat

this would be me if I was a cat

I exercised two of my days there but I ate ridiculous amounts of food all but one of my days there sooooooo weight gain. Guess I can’t gloat about how I always lose weight at Christmas anymore…sigh…

I am not worried about it thought cause (1) I’m sick now which means I won’t have an appetite till I am better which translates in to lost weight (yay!) and (2) I was researching before I even left for Alberta a new workout schedule for once I got back to BC which means before I even gained the weight I had a plan to get in better shape. How awesome is that?! It’s not even some weird kooky trend type of thing but a solid work out plan, blatantly stolen from a legit fitness website. Crazy days!

So sure, I have a bit more padding on me (which fyi, did nothing to keep me warm in the -35C weather!) but I’m gonna get rid of it soon so, meh, who cares? 🙂

i-will-finish-what-i-started

 

Yeah I have to start over again after Christmas but I didn’t quit, I just paused a little bit lol Tomorrow I will start back eating healthy and as soon as this cold starts to go away I’ll be at the gym so this is me restarting for perhaps the billionth time lol but at least I am restarting!

If you stumbled a bit over the holidays don’t fret, just get up tomorrow and restart. 🙂 You’ll get to your goal eventually as long as you keep going. Think happy thoughts everyone!

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Not Enough Time

20 Dec

I need more time…for everything! lol

I need more time to get back on track with my eating plan in the hopes I will fit in those jeans. I need more time to get packed for my trip home for Christmas. I need more time to find an outfit to wear to my agency Christmas party. I need more time to emotionally prepare myself for leaving my cat at a boarding place. *sniffle* I don’t wanna leave my cat! 😦

I’m not sure if it would be better to add more hours to the day or just add a day or two in to the weekend…as if I could do either! lol 😛

I had a horrible three days this week when it comes to food. Each day I ate something super high in calories, and what’s even worse is I can’t get specific nutritional information for any of those days so my numbers are guesses, sigh, I hate inaccurate nutritional information, makes me feel like I am cheating lol So now I am freaking out about being able to fit in to the jeans that are hanging on my wall. The goal jeans. The jeans I have been aiming to be able to comfortably wear since last month when I went on this revamped eating plan. Arg!

Packing. Man oh man I suck at packing. Actually, no, that’s not true, I can pack and pack well, you’d be surprised at how much stuff I can fit in to a suitcase! lol I suck at actually getting around to packing…I have this unfortunate habit of trying to pack practically all of my clothes and shoes, realizing I can’t take them all, taking over half the stuff out of the suitcase, squishing what I deem essential in to the suitcase, expand the suitcase, realize I forgot something then try oh so hard to fit it in, give up and decide to fix it the next day but the next day is the day I am leaving so when I try to fix it I am super rushed and always end up with an overweight suitcase when I get to the airport. It’s practically tradition! lol

luckily my suitcase isn't that small! lol

luckily my suitcase isn’t that small! lol

I don’t have time to do any of that this trip so I actually *gasp* wrote a list of what to pack! A list! Eeegads, I feel so grown up…I packed my clothes and the Christmas presents and am shocked at how quickly the process went, maybe there is something to this list thing…Of course the packing isn’t done, I still have to pack my wash kit but I don’t fly out for a couple days yet and I need that stuff till then lol

I spent part of yesterday shopping for a dress to wear Saturday night to the agency Christmas party. I failed miserably. Ugh. Shopping is one of those activities that either makes me ridiculously happy or ridiculously miserable. The party is a formal affair and I don’t have an appropriate dress, crap! I didn’t have a lot of time to shop so picked one shop I usually have success at and basically put all my eggs in one basket…let’s just say I broke the eggs *rolls eyes* lol broken-eggs1Nothing they had looked right on me which was disheartening. I ended up buying two blouses and hoping one of them would match a lace skirt I already had at home. I tried them on with the skirt this evening and the one was ok, not amazing or anything but I guess it’ll hafta do. shrug.

For the first time ever I am putting my cat in to boarding and I am spazzing about it. sigh. He would be too if he knew what was coming. I had a cat sitter but that fell through and an awesome friend said she’d come over daily with her daughters and take care of my little bundle of fur but she is a super busy lady and the more I thought about it the worse I felt. She doesn’t have time for that and even though I knew she’d somehow find the time I (1) didn’t want to cause her even more stress and (2) realized that she’d at most spend an hour a day at my place which would mean he’d be spending 23 hours a day alone and that’s not cool. I put his name on waiting lists for boarding places and was told odds were way slim so I bought him a plane ticket and was all excited he’d be coming with me. Well go figure someone cancelled and he got in to a boarding place so now he is staying here and I’m sad he won’t be coming with me and worried he’ll be miserable. What if he thinks I am abandoning him? Not coming back? Don’t love him? 😦 I took him to the vet this past Tuesday and he only finally forgave me for that today…that’s three days of upsetness over one little trip. What the hell is he gonna do when he is left somewhere for a week?!

On happy notes we had snow again today, more then the last snowfall! There was enough snow I had to brush it off my suv, some people at work made a snowman and everything is gorgeous looking. 🙂

Snow Day!

Snow Day!

Gotta love a snowman!

Gotta love a snowman!

 

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Three Day Gong Show

18 Dec

You would think that in the final stretch of this challenge, when there are barely any days left to lose enough weight to be able to fit in to the pants I have hanging on my wall I would be doing everything right. You’d think I’d be exercising once a day or more, that I’d be following my eating plan so strictly that not even a little crumb of something bad for me would get near me, let alone in me. But this is me. And we should all know better than that by now. 😉

I am surprised at just how spectacularly I have screwed up these past three days. I’m talking epic levels of screwed up! EPIC! *sigh*

I’m ashamed at how badly I have been eating these last three days. Some of it I know why it happened, some of it I don’t. I know that right now I am a combination of “what’s done is done and tomorrow is going to be even worse so get over it” and “oh my god I can’t believe how badly I am sabotaging myself! do I not want to fit in to the jeans? do I want to be fat forever? put the freakin food down already and learn to have some semblance of will power damn it!”

Since I believe in tough love and generally am not all that nice to myself I am leaning more towards the second mentality than the first. I tend to mentally yell at myself a lot lol

So let’s catch you up on just how I’ve been screwing up shall we?

Monday, there were little pieces of pumpkin pie at work…there was no one around which means no witnesses…I ate three little pieces, ugh. They tasted sooooo good! That particular screw up was a direct result of not over eating the day before at the buffet we had at work for Christmas. Confused? Lemme try to explain. I did my best to eat healthy at the buffet at work, I didn’t eat the eggs benedict, the potatoes, the buns, the stuffing…basically a bunch of food I would have loved to of eaten. I did eat a small piece of salmon, one slice of turkey I cut the skin off of, veggies, two shrimp and smoked salmon. Everything I took I took a small amount of and did my best to scrape off sauces etc. I allowed myself to have a lemon tart for dessert and some fresh fruit. I had a relatively small amount of food by the end of my meal and was left feeling a bit hungry, which I am sorta used to since I usually feel a low level vague sense of hunger at all times. I like to think resisting that hunger makes me strong lol 😛 Everyone else stuffed themselves on the main foods and the desserts and loved every bite. None of them seemed to feel badly about what they ate or how much, they just enjoyed. I felt…deprived…which is stupid, but I did. People always walk away from buffets stuffed silly, especially Christmas buffets, free Christmas buffets, but not me, and it left me feeling…I dunno…like I was missing out on something. A little empty inside. Stupid, I know! As a result I ate three little pieces of pumpkin pie the next day. *rolls eyes* The three little pieces didn’t even equal one slice but it still set me up for the fall I was about to take off the meal plan wagon I had been on all this time.

My dinner was no better, I ended up screwing up there and going sooooo far over my calories for the day it is embarrassing. 😦

Tuesday I was going to get back on track, stop being a screw up and try to fix the damage I’d done Monday buuuuut that didn’t quite happen. I won’t go in to massive details and bore you but I ended up having to run around and fix something major uber important and didn’t get to eat until 3pm. By that time I was half starved and bought Thai food, specifically I ate Pad Thai. I love Pad Thai but had absolutely no idea just how bad it was for me, crap! Later that night when I was trying to find nutritional information I was pretty much screwed. The restaurant I bought it from doesn’t have nutritional information and everything I look at has such drastically different numbers for calories, fat, carbs, sodium etc that I don’t know which numbers to use. Since none of them had good numbers and I was feeling a bit sick from being so full I decided I just wouldn’t eat the rest of the day to balance out the ridiculousness that was that meal. That oh so tasty meal, Mmm. Would’ve worked but at a movie that night I ended up nibbling on a friend’s popcorn and twizzlers. It started as a joke, one of the guys an I were joking about how E is always so distracted we could probably sneak away his popcorn and he’d never know. Turns out we could snag it and once we had it how am I going to explain without looking like a diet obsessed female that “oh sorry, I can’t have a small amount of popcorn to finish off the joke cause it’s not in my eating plan”? I had a bit, and a bit turned in to a bit more, then somehow it turned in to also eating 4 twizzlers, and omg I didn’t want to stop! What the hell is wrong with me?! Movie junk food?? I don’t eat that crap! Arg! Bone head move or what? *flares nostrils* After the movie we went for drinks, I had this lychee drink that was so tasty! Lychee is one of my fave fruits. 🙂 It was lychee liqueur, peach liqueur, apple juice and lychee for garnish. Mmm! I don’t even want to think about the calories in that…

Then today. *rolls eyes* I started off alright, I had oatmeal, not on my eating plan but relatively ok to eat. I went to the German Christmas Market with KL this evening and we ate dinner there. I had a schnitzel in a pita, there was also coleslaw stuffed in there. Holy crap it was good! KL had meat in a bun covered with sauerkraut, we weren’t sure what kind of meat it was but I was betting pork. Dessert was a waffle on a stick. I love how so many foods can be eaten on sticks nowadays lol Oh, and two cups of apple cider.

My schnitzel wrap

My schnitzel wrap

KL's unknown mean in a bun

KL’s unknown mean in a bun

Waffle on a stick drizzled in chocolate, Mmm!

Waffle on a stick drizzled in chocolate, Mmm!

That makes three days of epic food fails. THREE! I only have until Sunday to be able to fit in to those jeans if I want to succeed in my challenge and instead of making this final week an epic-do-everything-right-and-kick-ass-till-I-get-to-the-finish-line week I am going nuts with the food and lack of exercise and omg what the hell is wrong with me?? I’m so mad at myself! What’s worse is tomorrow is my work Christmas lunch and that won’t be anywhere near healthy!

I’m never gonna fit in to my jeans…

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Random Roundup

13 Dec

I am right this very minute watching Celtic Woman Home For Christmas and loooooving it! This particular concert was filmed in the Helix Theatre in Dublin, *wistful sigh* one of the items on my “List Of Things To Do In Life” is see a Celtic Woman concert in Ireland because the concerts are always so beautiful looking. I saw one here, a couple years ago, and while the beauty of the singers voices brought tears to my eyes the venue left much to be desired. The concert was held where the hockey games are played and that big cube thing that hangs from the ceiling with screens on every side wasn’t sucked up in to the ceiling (nor were the screens used to show a close up view of the stage!) so a lot of people had blocked views. Lame! The concerts that are shown in Ireland though, wow! This one has the main floor of the theatre set up with tables and groups of 4 people are at each table, and one year they performed outside, on a stage in front of a castle! A freakin castle! I think the atmosphere created by such amazing venues would take the show up to that next level, and considering how high of a level they were at when they played here in the hockey arena that’s pretty impressive lol

This first video is all instrumental but the violinist is spectacular! This is one of her tame performances, normally she is leaping all over the stage!

This next video is one of the original ladies of the ensemble. I’m not a religious person but that doesn’t stop this song from being one of my favourite Christmas songs. Most songs are performed by 3-4 women, depending on the season, this just happened to be done solo.

But yeah, so having some trouble concentrating on my writing because I keep looking up at the tv lol

I have some happy happy news! 😀 I was searching for something to wear to work today, all my normal work pants were still damp (I hang my clothes to dry and they hadn’t quite finished drying, the slow pokes! lol) and while digging in my closet I found a pair of pants I put in there months and months ago cause they had gotten too snug. They were doing that thing where they were uncomfie cause (1) I knew they didn’t look good because they no longer fit properly and (2) they were actually physically uncomfie because they didn’t fit. I had half convinced myself I had shrunk them in the wash but instead of getting rid of them I tucked them away cause ya never know right? Well, out of sheer desperation I tried them on today and holy hannah! They fit! They not only fit they fit comfortably, and a little loosely. Not so loose they were falling down or anything but it wasn’t like they “just fit”. They were comfie, and not tight, and just…well…just perfect! 😀 Which meeeeeans I must have lost weight! Awesomeness! Now I kinda wish I had weighed myself at the beginning of this challenge, or measured myself or something so I could say “I lost X amount of pounds/inches” but oh well, I’m just happy to know I lost something lol. I have slightly less worries about being able to fit in to the goal pants which fyi, still hanging on my wall waiting for December 22nd. I’m kind of worried though, what if what I’ve been doing isn’t enough? What if I should be pushing more or eating less? What if? What if? What if?…sigh, I’ve gotta stop stressing about this, I’m doing what I can and have to trust the process buuuuuuut it’s hard! lol 😛

On a sucky note a friend at work was hit by a car this evening while running across the street to catch her bus. 😦 And because I am self-involved and apparently turn everything in to me-me-me I would really like to ask the Universe to stop having bad shit happen on my shifts at work! If I was keeping score, which I may or may not be doing, in the past month I have had 3 falls, 1 death and now a friend hit by a car. *insert scream of frustration here* Luckily I got a phone call from the hospital before my shift ended and it looks like she is going to be fine, she’s still in the process of getting tests but the signs were all good. Phew!

Last night was supposed to be the second part of the German Christmas Market but weather was crap and the three of us decided we’d rather stay in and have a girls night then go to the market and freeze/drown. We all agreed on getting take out and meeting at KS’s place. Luckily I have very UN-judgmental friends and they didn’t make fun of me when my “take out” was a salad and piece of tilapia that I made at home and brought with me lol I figured if I made my own dinner and took it with me I’d know exactly what I was eating nutrition wise aaaaand I’d save money. Win-win! 😀 I might as well confess that I had an itty bitty piece of cake, it was KS’s birthday recently and she had left over cake, it was chocolate orange flavour, Mmm!

I think I have found, well, almost found, a decent balance of following the eating plan and allowing myself to have little treats here and there. I didn’t feel guilty about eating a tiny bit of cake because I’d been eating really well all week and have my food tracker to prove it! I think I’ll use the Lose It! app for the forseeable future, it prevents me from tricking myself in to thinking I ate healthier than I really had which is important because I find when it comes to weight loss the easiest person to lie to is yourself.

Since I am writing about all kinds of things I will share with you a picture of the boots I am currently lusting over, man oh man do I want these boots buuuut not gonna buy em! Why? Well, cause even on sale I can’t afford them (boo!) but that doesn’t stop me from looking at the picture of them and wishing lol

Aren't they so pretty? And warm looking!

Aren’t they so pretty? And warm looking!

Seems like my brain is all over the place today lol hence a sort of “round up” of all kinds of different things I wanted to share with you.

The cat and I wish you all a great evening! 🙂

Nighty night!

Nighty night!

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Forgotten Food Prep

7 Dec

I thought I was doing oh so well, I cooked chicken in advance so I would have meals for Friday and Saturday at work, I have all my stuff to make salads in my fridge, lots of frozen veggies in my freezer and yet…sigh, I forgot about Sunday and Monday! Ack! lol

Which means this evening when I got home from work I immediately went to the kitchen and started cooking, not how I generally like to spend my nights when I get off work! I didn’t have too too much to do, mostly cause I cheated lol but I still wish I’d remembered earlier in the day and gotten it taken care of before I went to work.

I hard boiled some eggs and cooked some turkey bacon and should have cooked some chicken or fish but that is where the cheating came in 😉

I was too busy to eat dinner at work this evening so I opted for leaving my chicken and vegg in the fridge at work and use it for lunch tomorrow. I will take a salad to put the chicken and vegg on top of and have a super tasty lunch. Is it sad that I like home made salads so much? I feel it might be…

Anyways!

The eggs are sitting in cold water, the turkey bacon is cooling so I can put it in Tupperware and soon it will all be in the fridge, placed beside the containers with my salad and dressing and I will be hightailing it to bed, somewhere I should have been a while ago but I’ve been dealing with computer stuff (upgrades an stuff, boring but necessary, shrug)

There were Girl Guides visiting at work today, caroling and visiting with the residents, they brought cookies to share and man were they tempting! They left extra boxes that anyone could take and I was thisssssss-close to plucking a box from the bag and bringing it home. I could practically envision myself sitting and mindlessly eating cookies while watching tv or doing stuff on the computer or whatever. I don’t even particularly like Girl Guide cookies, but they were still super tempting. I’m not gonna lie, I don’t really know how I managed to avoid taking a box and gorging on them…except that even while I could envision myself eating them I also couldn’t envision myself eating them…I know that doesn’t make sense but that’s the only way I can think of to say it…

I have my goal, and I so want to reach it! I couldn’t envision myself eating the cookies because then I’d feel horrible about myself for days for taking three steps back when I’d been doing so well going forward. Which means if I brought them home I’d have put them in my pantry, not eaten them and ended up throwing them out in a month when I wanted to clear the space and if I did that I’d just be annoyed with myself. Seemed easier to save myself the trouble. 😛

Mmm! Cookie! I like the vanilla ones best!

Mmm! Cookie! I like the vanilla ones best!

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I Made A Boo-Boo

3 Dec

It is totally NOT what you think! 😛 lol

I’m doing my “Lose A Pant Size By Dec 22/13” challenge, click Here to read about it, or just scroll to the top of the page and hit the Page named Nov 12/13-Dec 22/13 Challenge if you don’t know what I am yapping about.

In a nutshell, I am following a super strict eating plan (and exercising, duh lol) in an attempt to lose a pant size by Dec 22/13. I won’t go in to all the details about why etc cause I’d just be repeating what is written on the actual challenge page…just know that it is for vanity’s sake lol and it is reeeeally strict! Worth it, but strict.

Well, today I made plans to go see a movie with a friend. I was so proud, I purposefully suggested the later movie time so I would have no excuse to not exercise. No way I could run out of time in my day if I wasn’t meeting him until 8:45pm right? Right! 🙂

Thing is, I kiiiinda ran out of time, not to exercise! I went to Zumba! But to eat…oops? *cringe face* Don’t judge! It wasn’t on purpose!

I bet Cookie Monster never forgot to eat...

I bet Cookie Monster never forgot to eat…

I had a late brekkie (cause I slept in lol) then did stuff around the apartment for a while, went to Zumba, came home, made a protein shake, showered, groomed and went out. Somewhere in there I swear I intended to eat dinner, ya know, after Zumba but before going out buuuuuut it didn’t happen…

The boo-boo, if you hadn’t guessed, was that I was ridiculously under my calories for the day, especially when you factor in how many I burned while exercising. I’m already eating a small-ish amount of calories daily (1010 to be exact) but I dropped down to a number distressingly smaller than that, sigh.

So now I’m sitting here, typing away at 3 am, though the time stamp on the post won’t show that cause I always alter them before I publish a post lol, hungry, though not as hungry as I expected to be, but knowing I am not going to eat anything because I am about to go to bed. Poor tummy, it must think I hate it…

Oh, in case you were wondering, what did I do that filled in the time I should have spent cooking then eating my dinner, it was my nails. That’s right! I was doing my nails, lost track of time, then realized I didn’t have time to cook anything anymore. Some days I am such a girl lol 😛

I’m going to tell you my calories for the day, are you sitting down? Take a deep breath and try not to think too badly of me ok? I ate 506 calories, I burned 361 calories, which leaves me with a net calorie amount of…144…*braces for accusing glares and lectures*

I didn’t mean to! Honest! If I wan gonna purposefully starve myself do you think I’d be admitting it on here?! *rolls eyes*

I just know I’m gonna wake up hungry tomorrow, sigh, which will suck. Plus, all day tomorrow I will have a thought in my head that goes something like this “sure, I shouldn’t eat that, but I ate so little yesterday surely today I can splurge a little?” Horrible! It will be a horrible tempting thought that I will have to resist so as not to screw up but in the opposite direction of the way I screwed up today. Oy! lol

On that note I am going to go to bed since I have to be up early-ish, I will probably dream about food since right now, that’s pretty much all I am thinking about lol Pancakes to be specific, I am really wanting pancakes right now, which is ridiculous cause I couldn’t eat those even if I was going to eat something…maybe I’ll have them for my birthday breakfast…hmm, something to think about and possibly look forward to! lol

 

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Do Taste Buds Change?

26 Nov

Ok, I already know that they do, but still I pose the question to you, do they change? Like, for real? And if so, how much? And why? And will they go back? Is it just they get used to things, or trained, and when you change what they are exposed to they adapt therefore making what you used to eat seem unpalatable?

This is a serious concern of mine. It may seem like a stupid concern but it matters to me.

Here is the situation:

I have a sweet tooth, more like a mouth full of sweet teeth lol I like sweets. I looooove pastries! But dessert type things are my favourite, all the time, anytime of day. I will gladly give up all food for a day if it means I can eat a doughnut, or cinnamon bun, or lemon tart, or slice of pie, or or or…basically any dessert.

I have never been that person who is all “I’m scraping the frosting off my piece of cake because it is too sweet” or “I’m not buying a cinnamon bun because there is too much cream cheese icing on it” or “oh wow, isn’t this so sugary?! I can’t eat it” I have never understood when people say stuff like that. Too sugary? Too sweet?? Too much frosting???? Are you from another planet? There can never be too much! The whole reason I always want the corner piece from a cake is because there is more frosting! I pick the cinnamon bun with the most icing. I want the sugar! It’s dessert for heavens sake, it is supposed to be sweet! What is wrong with your tastebuds??

Well tonight, the most distressing thing happened with my tastebuds, I ate and drank two different things and both were gross because…they were too sweet. What?! Oh my gawd did I just say that?! I feel like I need to change my identity and move to another country because I have just written the unspeakable. *ducks head in shame*

I stopped at a Starbucks. Bad idea right there. Now, my fave drink is a chai latte but I thought I’d branch out. Why would I branch out? Because I love pumpkin. What? You mean writing that didn’t immediately fill in the blanks? Weird… 😉 I love pumpkin, it is fall, this means pumpkin flavour stuff is still everywhere, Mmm! I have never ever ordered a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks because, brace for this, I don’t drink coffee, in any form. Ick. I had heard though, if I want the pumpkin flavour get steamed milk with the pumpkin flavouring and I can get my pumpkin sans coffee. Brilliant! Since I got told that I haven’t been in a Starbucks so I thought why not try tonight? So that dear internet is what I ordered *looks around guiltily* crap! fine! I won’t lie to you…that isn’t all I ordered…I also got a chocolate chip cookie *gasp* I know! I know! Horrible! Bad! Stupid move! I have berated myself over it quite enough so rest assured I feel poorly about my well, poor decision, and will work hard to do better in the future. Does that sound apologetic enough? Yeah, I think so. 😉

That steamed pumpkin drink was the most disgusting thing ever! I had it made with soy but it wasn’t the soy that was nasty. It was the pumpkin flavour, it was hideously sweet, as in, I managed 4 tiny sips and called it quits it was that undrinkable. Not only did I not love something pumpkin flavour I also thought something was too sweet! This is unheard of in my world!

This is the dreaded cookie.

This is the dreaded cookie.

The cookie was slightly better. It was a soft chocolate chip cookie that I still can’t figure out why I ordered, the words “I’ll also have a chocolate chip cookie please” just slipped out of my mouth easy-as-you-please and before I could somehow retract them without looking the fool the cookie was in a bag and in my purse. In. My. Purse. Like I had to hide the evidence I bought a cookie. Oh wait, I did. *rolls eyes* I ate it while sitting in my suv in the parkade cause apparently I am in to eating secretly in my vehicle now. Maybe if I eat in my suv the calories don’t count? 😉 The first bite was good, not great, but not horrible. The more I ate though the more I didn’t like it. The chocolate was in too big of chunks, the sweetness level was hurting my teeth (hey, I have sensitive teeth, don’t judge!) but not only that it was almost immediately making my tummy feel not well. Didn’t stop me from eating it though…really wish it had. I know I’ll never be ordering it again because of how icky it made me feel. It was just too sweet. It left me feeling sickly, like I’d eaten a whole bag of halloween candy or something, my stomach hurt, I felt nauseous, it was just not a good experience at all.

I have never eaten something and been all, “nope, it’s too sweet” but that cookie? That cookie was too sweet. And so was the pumpkin drink.

Which brings me back to my question, can tastebuds change? And by how much?

Is this “oh ick stuff is too sweet” thing a phase? Is it only because I’ve been eating such small amounts of sugar, and for the most part what sugar I have been eating is what is naturally occurring in fruit, that my tastebuds (and my tummy) are become not as used to sugar as they once were and are therefore having trouble dealing with it? How sad would that be? *pout*

Could it be *gasp* part of growing up? That is a scary thought!

Could it be a one off and nothing to worry about?

I don’t know.

I do know my tastebuds have changed in the past. I used to hate asparagus, now it is one of my fave veggies. I used to hate all dried fruits, now I like dried cranberries (great salad topper!). I used to love then I hated then I loved again baked beans. So over the years I know my tastes have changed for various foods but never have they changed in regards to how sweet/salty/savoury I like or dislike my foods to be.

I don’t want to stop liking sweet things, like cookies and cakes and pie and pastries and just in general all the wonderous desserts out there. I think that would be sad. Might make losing weight easier though…but it’d still be sad!

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Avocado and Egg and Bowling

23 Nov

Two days in a row I tried something new food wise, must be a record! lol 😛

I had the other half of the avocado from yesterday, anybody who knows avocados knows that half wouldn’t last very long, as in, not past today but I didn’t have anymore tuna so I had to find something else to try.  I kept seeing recipes on my facebook news feed for baked avocado with egg so I googled and voila! a whole lotta recipes came up. Gotta love google!

mine looked fairly close to this

mine looked fairly close to this

Basically you cut an avocado in half, take out the pit, scoop a bit out of each side of the avocado (some sites recommend 2 tblsp of avocado get scooped, I just kinda eyeballed it), crack an egg into the hole, bake for 15-17 minutes at 425 degrees. The cooking time is also approximate, each recipe had slightly different times but all said keep an eye on it and bake until the white part is set. shrug. Seemed fairly easy.

Most of the recipes used a variety of seasoning, everything from salt and pepper to paprika, fresh chives etc. I don’t get that. Why people always feel the need to season food to taste like something else when it tastes really good as it is. Like veggies. People so often seem to drown their veggies in a sauce or seasonings and that confuses me, I like how veggies taste, I am perfectly happy to cook some veggies and eat them just like that, so they taste like how they naturally taste. Seems to be a “me” thing though, shrug. Anyways, I wondered if maybe this combo needed seasoning, maybe it wouldn’t be good without, so I put some pepper on it.

It tasted sooooo good! As long as you like eggs with runny yolks and avocado you will love this combo! 😀 I didn’t mind the pepper but to be honest I probably won’t use it if I get to make this again, I just don’t see the need, and neither do my taste buds lol

I had a side of turkey bacon with it. Being the carb lover I am a piece of toast would have gone greeeat with this meal but alas, no bread for me. sigh. It was still quite delish without it. 🙂

I kinda messed up this evening though. Oh dear.

My dragon boat team was hosting a fundraiser this evening, know what this means? Food! Drinks! Temptation! I was so hoping I could come back home, log on here and boast about how I made it through the entire evening without eating but let’s get real here, this is me, and I ate. Ugh. I’m calling myself names right now so don’t feel the need to do that for me k? 😉

I ate dinner before I went, I had a piece of tilapia on top of a salad, it was MmmMmm Good! lol I purposefully ate a nice big salad in the hopes it would get me through the evening. I almost made a protein shake to drink in the car on the way there to sorta top me up but that seemed like overkill. lol. Now I’m thinking I should have done that, hindsight is always 20/20 though, stupid hindsight, *glares*

I tracked the best I could tho! I counted everything I ate and didn’t touch sooooo much of the delish looking food, even though I really really wanted to. I totally caved with the nanaimo bars though, I have a weakness, *big epic sigh* Nanaimo bars are so good! But soooo bad for me! Almost 200 calories per piece! That’s ridiculous! Especially since it’s a small piece! If I was going to eat a square of nanaimo bar the least I could have done was eat one piece, not two but nooOOOooo not me, I had to have two *rolls eyes at self*.

I got home and added the food I ate at the fundraiser to my Lose It! app. There were a couple items that are approximated but I think fairly close, and just in case I estimated high. Luckily I bowled so I burned some calories there, yay!

I’m mad at myself for eating while at the fundraiser, I wasn’t feeling particularly hungry, it was seeing everyone else eating and enjoying the food that made me want to eat. Like I had to eat to fit in or something…which is dumb cause it is my dragon boat team, I already have a place there, no need to try to fit in. I was feeling a bit apart from everything though, I mean, it was great to see everyone, and the fundraiser seemed to go well, people had fun, but I felt like I had to force myself to be social, push myself to seem like I was having as good a time as everyone else. Normally at dragon boat functions I just have fun, no pushing needed, but not this evening…I guess I’m still dealing with what happened last weekend?

By the time I got home I really wanted to eat! Not because I am hungry, but because, well, I want to. Which is stupid. If I wasn’t tracking my food, even though I had nibblies at the fundraiser I would have without second thought dived in to some sort of food. Cookies maybe, or some toast, Mmm bread!, chocolate perhaps, or a banana pudding…I don’t know what I would have eaten but I would have eaten something. Instead I made a cup of tea, sat down and started blogging while watching a movie on my tv. Ahh multi-tasking! lol I guess I should be proud of myself for not caving and eating something else when I’m not actually hungry but right now all I feel is deprived lol But what am I depriving myself of? Over indulging on un-healthy food I don’t need that will make me fatter? Why do I feel deprived about that?! That’s messed up my friends. Messed. Up.

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Salsa and Tuna, Who Knew?

22 Nov

I may have slightly, kind of, maaaaaaybe forgot to cook some form of protein for dinner before I left for work *bats eyes innocently* Which means of course no dinner while I was at work. Lemme tell ya, that sucked.

It wouldn’t have been as bad if I worked somewhere that didn’t have a fully stocked kitchen that produces gourmet meals twice a day. Oh, and don’t forget the large open container of Ferrero Rocher that was for any and all staff to nibble from. Those are one of my all time favourite chocolates in case you were wondering, so yummmmm!

Back to the food.

I didn’t even read the menu at work today cause I didn’t want to know! The more I know about what masterpieces are being made in there the more I have to fight against the lure of the food. sigh. Knowledge is not always power. 😉

I did have to go in to the kitchen eventually, for actual work stuff, but after the kitchen staff were done and the yummy smells were no more. However, there are always, and I mean always! freshly baked cookies in that kitchen. So mean!

The most random thing kept me from grabbing a cookie…on the Lose It! app I use to track my calories and exercise there is a bar graph, if you stay at or under your allowed calories for the day the bar is green. If you go over your calories the bar goes red, as in danger! danger! you are heading to the dark side! take that food outta your mouth! (I always imagine that in a robotic voice for some reason) I really didn’t want the line for today to turn red, I also didn’t want to have to confess to you my dear readers that I messed up, again. So, no cookie for me. No Ferrero Rocher for me. No dinner cooked by the chef at work for me. Let’s just say there were a lot of food options today and none were for me. *rolls eyes* What’s scary is it is just going to keep getting worse because it’s that time of year, *sing song voice* You know what I am talking about! The time of year where it seems you can’t turn around without coming face to plate with something deeeelicious but ridiculously high in calories. Chocolate. Cookies. Cakes. Puddings. Sauces. Fudge. Candies…and sooooo much more!…not that I’m focusing on it or anything… 😉

For my oh so late in the day dinner I tried something new. A friend told me that my taste bud savior while eating Paleo would be salsa. Now, I’m not a hater of salsa, but I also wouldn’t say I was a lover of it. It is one of those things that is there, and is good for the occasional nacho-fest but otherwise? Meh. I’m not that bothered. I trust this friend though so salsa now lives in my kitchen. I decided to open a can of tuna, mostly because I bought an avocado and this morning when I felt it up it was at the perfect-eat-me-today-or-I-will-go-bad-overnight stage. Usually I mix tuna with light mayo but my random burst of inspiration had me mix a can of tuna with 4 tbls of salsa, I then topped it with diced tomato and half an avocado. Surprisingly it was good. Oh, and I don’t mean “good but I’ll never eat it again” but actually “good, I’m gonna hafta buy another can of tuna soon”.

avocados...can't trust em!

avocados…can’t trust em!

Sidenote: when I say I ate the can of tuna what I mean is I ate most of the can of tuna but a portion of it is automatically given to the cat or I forfeit my right to exist in his presence and he will kill me overnight. Anyone with a cat understand this. 😉

what would happen if my cat didn't get his share of tuna...

what would happen if my cat didn’t get his share of tuna…

 

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I Just Don’t Care

19 Nov

I can’t bring myself to care, about anything, it just seems too exhausting. It is like every emotion I have has been muted, or covered by a blanket, stifled in some way. I know they are there, just under the surface, wanting out, I just can’t be bothered to make an effort to try to feel them anymore.

I’m doing a pretty decent job of faking it, sorta. At work when I’m at the desk interacting with residents or guests or most of the other staff I’m able to put on a fake smile, make my voice sound cheery and do my thing. There is one staff member that for some reason I don’t feel the need to put the mask on for, it is much easier being around her, less effort needed ya know?

That’s why I haven’t been writing, just the thought of opening my laptop was too much, let alone logging on to wordpress and writing something. The only reason I managed it tonight was because I was going to watch a movie and when I logged onto the computer wordpress popped on to my screen, musta been the last place I was when I closed the laptop last time. I wasn’t going to log on, wasn’t  going to write, was just going to ignore wordpress but then I decided to read other people’s blogs and it made me realize I should probably write in mine…don’t know why, not like this is a happy, cheerful, entertaining post…generally my posts are upbeat and mildly entertaining (at least I hope they are).

I managed to follow my eating plan for the most part since the fiasco that was Friday. Saturday and Sunday were perfect. Followed my eating plan, tracked everything in my Lose It! app, I may be going through a tough time but at least I didn’t add guilt to my shoulders over messing up my eating plan. Monday however I screwed up, but since I’m still in a cloud of not caring, I can’t bring myself to feel badly about it. I’m sure I’ll feel like that eventually, but for now, no guilt over choosing bad for me food. shrug. I ate according to plan while at work but when I got home I just couldn’t get the energy to make dinner. At first I wasn’t really hungry so I figured wait a bit, when I’m hungry then I’ll want to eat and I’ll go make something but nope. By the time I was hungry I was in no mood to go messing around in the kitchen so I did what I absolutely should not have, I ordered pizza…and dessert bread sticks. Damn you Panago for having such tasty food! Mostly I wanted the dessert breadsticks, I am a carb junkie, when things go bad that’s what I aim for, not good I know but I figure it’s better then gambling or drinking, right?

dessert breadsticks from Panago, just dip em in frosting and enjoy!

dessert breadsticks from Panago, just dip em in frosting and enjoy!

I ate the breadsticks and a bit of the pizza, it was super tasty. Mmm! The low level headache I’d been having for days went away and for a little while I actually felt like I had energy. I didn’t do anything with that energy mind you, just chilled watching tv and cuddling with the cat but at least I felt a bit energetic. That quickly faded and I ended up napping on the living room chair by accident, oops. I’m putting that down to a long day at work on very little sleep.

Today (Tuesday) I met up with a friend around 5pm-ish. I slept most of the day, having gone to bed around 3am, so I had a protein shake before meeting her and then we went shopping, had dinner and watched a movie. For dinner we had sushi, I know if you order carefully sushi can be a healthy meal, but I order like a born and raised North American which means not healthy. We split some spicy agedashi tofu, then I had an avocado roll and a philly roll. The philly roll is my favourite, smoked salmon and cream cheese…so not on my eating plan! Then, just to make things worse, I had a small frozen yogurt at the theatre. *groans*

Even while sitting here typing out what I ate and knowing I should feel badly about messing up my eating plan I just…don’t. I’m not even trying to justify the food choices, shrug. I made them. I ate the food. Whatever, it’s done and there’s nothing I can do about it now. I am however trying to figure out what to do with the left over pizza in my fridge…can I freeze that so the next time I crave pizza I can just thaw out one slice? I’ll hafta google that…

So eating hasn’t gotten me out of this funk, neither has shopping. Weird huh? I bought some Christmas presents today, and some stuff for myself yesterday and the day before and while I am glad I made the purchases the usual giddy happiness I would feel over some of the stuff I bought isn’t there. I’m just all meh about it.

Tomorrow I will go to Zumba class no matter what, maybe that’ll help shake me outta this? Gotta try something since my usual ways of cheering myself up have failed.

The only positive thing I am getting from all this is since eating the pizza, and the breadsticks, and the sushi and the frozen yogurt didn’t make me feel better I might as well make the effort to eat according to my meal plan. Since the high calorie, carb laden food is doing nothing for me emotion wise or body fat % wise I might as well ignore it and eat only what I am supposed to. Least when this is all over and I am back to my normal self I won’t be looking in to the mirror at someone who let themselves go and gained a bunch of weight instead of reaching her goal of dropping a size by Dec 22. Cause even if right now I don’t care about that, I’m sure I will care about it again soon and I don’t want to be kicking myself for making my goal even harder to reach all cause I couldn’t keep it together.

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