Archive | May, 2011

Yah for Today!

31 May

Today was a fairly great day. 😀

I stayed up last night until 2am for absolutely no good reason. lol. I am naturally a night owl, if I don’t have to get up at an ungodly hour of the morning to go to work I end up staying up super late cause, well, it’s what my natural sleep cycle prefers. shrug. I stay up late, I sleep in late, it works for me. 🙂 Some people see sleeping in late as a waste of a good chunk of the day but I don’t – I think it’s un-natural to be up early in the morning, ugh. lol.

But anyways, I stayed up late then slept in until noon, aahhhhh, such a nice time! If you think about it, it’s not being lazy, I’m not getting anymore sleep during the night then someone who goes to bed earlier and wakes up earlier, I just like getting my sleep later in the night/day then others. lol. So, after waking up at noon I rolled over and dozed for another hour cause, well, I could. shrug. By 1pm I managed to get my butt outta bed, had a quick wash, ate a decently healthy breakfast, digested for a little bit then went hiking. It was my regular 3.8km hike so nothing out of the ordinary but it was a little weird going for a hike at 2 in the afternoon on a Tuesday…it’s amazing how many people are out walking at that time…I mean, don’t these people have jobs? lol. 😛

After the hike I came home and did some free weights, some ab work, some stretching – all the normal stuff. Earned myself 6 exercise points – wOOt! 😀

I had to spend a chunk of time on hold after that waiting to talk to someone who works for the government about my EI claim – it took for-frickin-ever but I eventually got a person (who was super friendly and knowledgable) and she helped me with my questions, she even went kinda over board and explained a whole bunch more stuff to me…things I had actually already read on the website but, shrug, she’s probably used to people who don’t fully read the site and ask all kinds of questions lol. I’m ok with the extra info, I think it’s better to be told the stuff you already know and possibly learn something you hadn’t already read then not be told anything and later find out you’re missing a vital piece of info. Just my take on it tho…

Then I did some acting research online, I needed to find some sides to take to my audition class tonight and then – the best part – I had my audition class! 😀 I haven’t had any kind of acting class in ages cause they are really expensive and I was always so busy with work I couldn’t go. I was signed up for this class (it’s actually a set of 4 classes) for a couple weeks now cause luckily they don’t start until 7pm, it seemed perfect because it would give me tonnes of time after work to get home, eat and get to the class – now I have even more time to get there lol.

The class went so amazingly super great! I obviously need to expand on my descriptive words lol. I got wicked good feedback, looks like even though I have been away from classes for a loooong time I haven’t lost my touch, sweeeeeeet! 😀 It’s a small class, 6 students and 1 person auditing so we all got a lot of one on one time with RH (the teacher), he is a great teacher, a really positive, supportive, friendly, non stress inducing guy. Auditioning is a way stressful thing, it’s harder then being on set and actually filming and some auditioning teachers make even the class stressful but RH makes it fun. And how great is it learning new things, perfecting your technique, re-enforcing what you already know all while having fun? 🙂 Man I love acting. 😀

Because of exercising and having earned exercise points I was way below my points for the day by the time class was over (class ended at 10pm) so when I got home I was starved. lol. I made what would normally be a meal – a bagel sandwich, yum! – and then followed it up with dessert. Double yum!

Today I ate:

29 grams Special K = 2 points

1/2 c 1% milk = 1 point

2 pcs toast = 1 point

1 tbls whipped peanut butter = 2 points

1 Activia yogurt cup = 2 points

1 banana = 1 point

2 serv hash browns = 2 points

1 scrambled egg = 2 points

1 turkey burger patty = 3 points

1 bagel = 5 points

2 slices deli turkey = 0 points

1 tbls light cream cheese = 1 point

baby spinach, tomato = 0 points

1 thinsations Oreo cakesters = 2 points

1 Skinny Cow Choc Fudge Brownie ice cream = 2 points

Total points eaten = 20 daily points, 6 exercise points

Exercise points earned = 6

Perfect! 😀

Now I know, I should of had some fruit for my evening snack after my bagel sandwich instead of the oreo cakesters and the ice cream, and I almost did…but, well, in the end I didn’t lol. Not sure why, I wasn’t craving chocolate or anything sweet like some other days, shrug, I just grabbed the processed sweet stuff instead of the fruit. lol.

So now it’s 1:15am and I am tired, the exercising and the energy output acting takes have taken a bit of a toll on me and I want to go to bed but I’m tired enough I am typing slower then normal and I feel like I am never gonna get there. lol. *yawn* I have to get up a bit earlier tomorrow then today cause I have to bake a pie to take to a dinner I got invited to tomorrow evening – the pie needs to cool for 2 hours min before serving so I need to make it earlier rather then later in the day. It’s a weight watchers recipe so I will post it under my recipes tab tomorrow so you can try it, it’s really tasty and I think only 4 points per slice so not bad at all! 🙂

Oh! Sorry, one more thing! The teacher, RH, was my teacher back in the day but I haven’t seen him since 2008, well, he took one look at me and was all “you look different, really different, what did you do?”, I could practically see the wheels turning in his head, lol, so I told him I lost 32 pounds and he was so amazed/excited/happy for me, lol, it was sweet having someone who hasn’t seen me in a long time notice asap something changed – sure he didn’t peg it as weight loss but that’s ok, I’m just happy he noticed a change at all. lol.

I Caved

30 May

I caved, but not food wise, so no worries! 🙂 Remember yesterday when I said how I lost my next food tracker, well, not lost but “put away somewhere safe” and was unable to locate? Yeah, still unable to locate it and it was driving me nuts – not the lost part but the not being able to write down what I had eaten and having to tally numbers in my head part. I don’t trust my brain to be able to keep accurate track of what I eat and how many points the food is worth so while not having a specific book to keep track of my food in may seem like a stupid little thing it was actually causing me a bit of stress and worry about screwing up not only today but throughout the week.

Sooooo, I caved, and when I was out today I bought some new little notebooks. They came in a set of 4, are a variety of colours and are made of bamboo…yeah, bamboo, which I believe makes them more eco-friendly but I can’t swear to that. I suppose I could google it but, shrug, I’m not that bothered about it lol. I always try to pick notebooks that are fun colours or patterns on the front because who are we kidding? Writing foods that we have eaten and what the points for those foods are is not the most fun thing in the world, and frankly, the pages of the book can be slightly depressing when over-eating happens and weight maintains or goes up, so at least the front is always entertaining in some way. 😛

My day was not just buying little notebooks, how boring would that be?! I had a job interview this afternoon which I totally rocked but now I have a dilemna about that. sigh.

The interview was for a placement agency, I figured they’d like me, and it’d take them a couple weeks or so to find me a job so that’d give me lots of time to work on my acting stuff but they loved me and have a brand new job placement that they think I’d be perfect for and are going to talk to the contact at the company tomorrow afternoon about me and my apparent greatness. *rolls eyes* I mean yeah, that’s awesome right? Who gets such a great result from their first interview when they start job hunting? Nobody! You’re not supposed to get such a good result until at least the third interview you go on, it’s like an unwritten rule but I guess these people don’t know about that rule lol.

I am not ungrateful for this result, don’t think that, I understand that good paying jobs are hard to find and it’s great that this agency thinks so highly of me but…I’m not meant to live my working life in an office, the idea of it is so depressing…no offence to those of you in offices.

I am meant to act – this is the only thing about myself I know with absolute certainty. I don’t believe that whole “everyone has one thing they are great at and are meant to do” because if you believe that and then look at society, well, think of all those millions of people who are not doing the thing they are apparently meant to do. Or are people meant to be spending their lives working in offices? sitting in cubicles? being micro managed by people who got upper management jobs by being excellent ass kissers? always working in retail? picking up garbage? what about all those peope who accidentally end up in a career path and stick with it because it pays well enough and they don’t think they’ll get something better? how is that finding the thing you are meant to do?

Now, I am not trying to offend any people who do any of those jobs I mentioned above, I know lots of people who work in offices etc and are perfectly happy with their jobs/careers but that’s just not for me, I am not happy with my life if a good portion of it is spent working at a job that is not acting. Sounds over dramatic huh? shrug. I don’t think with most aspects of life I am over dramatic, and in this instance I don’t feel like I am being over dramatic, just truthful to who I am. But to others it probably sounds over dramatic, ah well. lol.

But yeah, so back to the acting, that is what I am meant to do – it is just unfortunate that many (take that to mean all) agents first look at your body size/shape and then look at your face and then look at your talent. *shakes head* I understand why, but I still think it is a screwy system where your talent and ability to act is the last thing looked at. I have managed to lose enough weight that I can finally go agent hunting again (I had an agent but she went mia and really, she wasn’t good anyways so no big loss but I need a new one now, sigh) but in order to agent hunt you need a list of things already taken care of.  One of those things in a Demo Reel, this is a 6 minute video of 2 seperate scenes, each scene is approx 3 minutes where you can showcase your acting ability. This lets the agent see how you look on camera, how well you act, it helps them to see what kind of auditions they might send you out for. While your headshot will get you in the door the demo reel is what will keep them from booting you back out again – you need a kick ass totally up to date amazing demo reel.

These things don’t come cheap and they need a lot of prep time, the time to work on my demo reel was sorely lacking while I was working full time so I have managed to get excited about being unemployed because it would give me a couple of weeks to get my scenes sorted, work on them, get them filmed and have my demo reel. Then I was going to use the rest of my out-of-work time to do the actual agent hunting part and go to what I am hoping will be a plentifull amount of agent interviews. lol.

But now I had this great interview and I am worried the agency will contact me sooner then what I want telling me they got me a job – a fairly great job if you’re not me and wanting to earn your living acting…

For all my craziness I have a strong streak of practicality (I blame it on being a Capricorn and my parents raising me to be responsible lol) So, if they contact me with a job I don’t know that I will be able to say no because I know that I need a steady income to pay my bills etc but if I take another full time job so soon how will I ever get my demo reel done and be able to get a new agent???

Do you see the dilemna? Do I hope for the job or do I hope for not getting the job? I want the job so I have money coming in, I don’t want the job because I want the time I need to focus on my acting. Ack!

I think at this point the only thing I can do is not think about it…I will wait and see what happens and while waiting to see what happens I will work hard to memorize lines and work on my character and book my time slot to film the demo reel and I’ll cross my fingers that nothing gets in the way of my acting…

Sorry this post had next to nothing about weight loss, a quick fyi, I ate my 20 points and only my 20 points today, yah, didn’t exercise even a tiny bit, oops, lol, didn’t eat anything new or exciting so don’t feel jipped I’m not putting a food list today, I’ll get back to my normal formatting tomorrow. 🙂

In A “Safe Place”

29 May

Today I ate:

2 servings Special K = 4 points

1/2 C 1% milk = 1 point

2 pcs toast = 1 point

1 tbls light peanut butter = 2 points

smidgen of honey = 0 points

1 banana = 1 point

2 servings hash browns = 2 points

2 open faced sandwiches

– 2 pcs bread = 1 point

– 2 cheese slices = 2 points

– baby spinach, mustard = 0 points

– 2 slices turkey = 0 points

1 Skinny Cow caramel swirl ice cream = 2 points

1 mango = 1 point

1/2 C strawberries = 0.5 points

Total points eaten = 17.5

phew! Not done for the day yet, lol.

For my food tracker I use a small flip open pocket sized coil notebook, I’m not sure I described that very well, think of a tv cops notebook that fits in their shirt pocket, how it flips open at the top not the side, but mine is coiled at the top and is the mead brand. Know it? So, last time I bought my little notebook they were sold in a pack of three which was great, well, I just finished the second book and my third one is being used to track my weight so I can’t use that one for my next tracker.

I didn’t buy a new one when I was out and about today cause about a month ago I was organizing my closet and found an oddly large amount of small coil notebooks, not the same brand but who cares about that? I put them in a “safe place” so I could grab one when I next needed one. ha!

In my family, when you have put something away and then can’t find it, that is when we say the item is in a “safe place” – aka, lost. 😛 I always seem to have something in a safe place, lol, it really sucks that my future tracker is what is now in the safe place cause I spent the whole day trying to tally my points in my head and freaking out I had messed up the numbers or had forgotten a food, eesh. I’m glad I didn’t go over but now it is almost 11 pm and I have points left over (which I’m kinda glad of cause I am hungry) but I don’t like to eat so late, oh sigh. lol.

I don’t want to buy a new notebook cause you know as soon as I do I will find the ones I put away but I don’t even have an idea of where to look for them since I was oh so sure I knew where they were. *rolls eyes*

Ah well, I will do a more in depth hunt for them tomorrow when I get home from my job interview, for now I think I will go hunt up some sort of snack – I have no idea what it is going to be but I know it’s going to be 2.5 points, well ok, 3 points max, ooooh, maybe the crumpets with honey on top, yum! 🙂

Towed or Stolen??

26 May

sonofamotherfuckingbitch! if that wasn’t warning enough this post will most likely be chock full of “colourful language” and is for the most part a rant.

It was an alright day at work – lunch was awesome, and not as many points as I expected so yah there! lol. The jerk was who is responsible for me being laid off was in the office still so I was stuck listening to him yammer his way through the day – he’s so annoying. How do such jerk wad dumbass people get the top jobs? *rolls eyes* I cleaned out my desk which was slightly depressing – I like to work in a fun environment so I have little knickknacks on my desk so I have things there I like to look at and little toys to play with. Well, I had to pack them all up today and now my desk is big and empty (except for the comp and phone), blah! Even though I had fun at lunch and liked getting to hang with my work friends it’s weird and uncomfie being there and kind of exhausting so by the end of the day all I could think was “I wanna go home”  the thought was in a whiny little kids voice in my head lol.

I got off the train, walked to where my suv is parked and…empty…as in my suv was not there…just gone, missing, Disappeared!! Stolen or towed? How the hell am I supposed to know? I didn’t even know who to call! I just stood there, with my head tilted to the right, blank look on my face, staring at where my suv was supposed to be…quietly plotting some unknown person’s demise…

I eventually called information and they put me through to the city impound number which had a messaging system kick in informing me they were closed – I had missed them by 4 minutes. Freakin awesome timing! I glowered my way through the bus ride home and stalked from the bus stop to my door front all the while wondering who I could kill or at least maim and having no release for all the pent up anger/concern/stress I was feeling. I mean really? Like the past 2 weeks haven’t been crap-fantastic enough? Now I get a missing vehicle?

The universe is kicking my ass. Grr.

I started googling and eventually found my suv in an impound lot that is open 24/7 so I waited till my laundry was at a good spot to leave it, called a cab and got my ass over to the impound lot Luckily it isn’t too far from me.

Buddy at the counter gives me my ticket which is the carbon copy so hard to read, I believe it says I broke bylaw 2849 No parking except in accordance to sign. It lies. I was so not breaking any stupid bylaws by where I was parking – I have been parking there on an almost daily basis for over 2 fucken years!!! 2 Years! Bastards. It’s pretty much the same group of people parking there daily and they took every vehicle, I saw most of them at the impound lot so I guess I was the first person to pick up their vehicle.

I had to pay $94.25 to get my suv back, almost $100 to reclaim something that shouldn’t have been taken! They couldn’t help me with the parking ticket because they are just the towing company so I have to go online and fill out a complaint form if I want to dispute the ticket, which of course I do but get this! If I pay before 14 days from the ticket being issued the fine is $100, if I pay after 35 days I have to pay $150 – I’m not sure what I pay between the 14th day and the 35th??? However, if I dispute the ticket and fail I then have to pay a $25 admin fee…so I could potentially be paying $175 – for something I didn’t do! Since the department that issued the ticket is the department deciding if I am right or not I highly doubt they will side in my favour, corrupt bastards, but damn straight I am gonna fight! Grr!

So shall we tally this? I had to pay:

$25 cab fare to get to the impound lot, $94.25 to get my suv out of the impound lot and will possibly have to pay up to $175 for the fine. F*&@#$)@*!&#@)$)&$^?^%!&!  I’m trying to be nice and not swear…

To top it off, they damaged my suv, scratched the paint on the passenger back corner all to shit! Guess I’m back to swearing…

Before I left the impound lot I walked around my suv just in case, I am so glad I did! The scratches are pretty bad. Grr. I went back in and asked what I do when they damaged my vehicle, I then got the joy of filling out a damages claim form that I got a copy of, and their copy will be given to the Damages Manager and I will hear back in 3-5 business days. Apparently the manager will look at some video and from that will see if the scratch is new or not (huh???) – oddly enough I don’t trust them (weird right? lol) so I went and took pictures of the damage, you can see the paint curled at the end of the scratch marks becasuse the scratches are so fresh. Bastards.

You are probably wondering how in the hell any of this relates to my healthy eating plan – it relates because it screwed it all to shit. sigh.

I ate well during the day, sure my points for lunch were slightly estimated but I feel confident they are right so I got to dinner time with 8 points left – plenty for the soup I was planning on eating but…yup, the big but! I was so pissed off when I got home (and depressed) while my soup was warming and I was googling to find my suv I ate 2 spoonfuls of nutella, *rolls eyes* oh yeah, and a cookie…I then ate my dinner, so soup with 2 crumpets that had honey on it –  that would of been ok, I could have survived that, actually, now that I do the math even with the nutella that would have been my 8 points, so, well, shit, why the fuck couldn’t I have just stayed there??? No wait! the cookie! I forgot to tally in the cookie, so 10 points meaning I would have used 2 flex points, so still not the end of the world right? Like I left it there! pfft.

After getting my suv back I was steaming over the cost and the damages and got turned around when driving home, I somehow ended up at Tim Horton’s where I got a small (made with milk not cream) iced cap flavoured with chocolate mint (I am not sure if the flavour shot adds points or not, I have never gotten one before) aaaaaand a toasted coconut donut. *hangs head in shame* Yes, that’s right, 2 donuts 2 days in a row…way to just round off a perfect day huh? Not only am I poorer and pissed off I am also getting fatter as I type due to what I ate today. Just grrrrreat.

As you can tell I am in a pissed off not thinking clearly mood and everything is horrible and end of the world unforgivable never gonna get better grr-ness. A small vaguely rational part of me knows things will (hopefully!) get better and that things could be a lot worse and that even if I go up on weigh in day this week I will do better next week and fix it but that doesn’t help me now, not when I am feeling down and moody and pissed and I have nothing to take any of these emotions out on. Man, I can’t wait for dragon boating tomorrow, I’m gonna be putting so much effort in to my rowing my muscles are gonna sing…well, probably cry if we’re being honest lol.

It Starts.

25 May

The office I work in revolves in so many ways around food. Every meeting has food brought in, people are always bringing snacks and treats for those in the office to nibble on, when people come visit (brokers, insurance peeps etc) they always bring food to treat/bribe us with. lol. It’s just the way the office works, shrug, I was part of it in that I would bring in baked goods fairly often – hey, I like to bake but don’t want to eat it so I got my co-workers to. teehee. 🙂

Well, I should have expected that people would start bringing in food the closer and closer it got to my last day. It started today. Donuts. Oh my. DS brought in Tim Horton’s donuts and muffins for everyone, she doesn’t work from the office thurs and fri so this was her last time seeing me and she brought them so we could all “drown our sorrow” – direct quote!

It’s so thoughtful of her, and I highly appreciate the meaning behind it but…well…crap! I would have felt like a jerk not eating one since she brought them in due to me but like I really needed the calories? *shakes head*

You might think the healthier option would have been to pick one of the muffins but nope, they are worse then some of the donuts, lol, scary huh? I chose a Boston Cream donut cause they are omg delish and I know by heart how many points they are. lol. 5. 🙂 So, horribly high number for a snack that I didn’t really need but oh well. I was undecided as to what I should do (1) eat the donut and then be super careful with dinner so as not to go in to my flex points or (2) eat the donut and count the 5 points from the donut as flex points…notice neither option is don’t eat the donut? teehee

Today I ate:

1 apple = 1 point

1 pear = 1 point

1 banana = 1 point

1 Activia yogurt = 2 points

1 Mediteranean Veg and Pasta soup = 4 points

1 piece toast = 1 point

1 boston cream donut = 5 points

1 cup hot cocoa = 3 point

– 1 tbls cocoa (0), 2 tbls white sugar (1), 1 cup 1% milk (2)

2 dinner buns = 2 points

2 tsp margarine = 2 points

1 light babybell = 1 point

1 thinsations Ritz pckg = 2 points

Total points eaten = 25

Soooo, obviously I ended up putting the donut in to flex points. I’m not sure this is the wisest decision since I went over yesterday, and the day before, and am going for lunch tomorrow and there is some sort of secret-I’m-not-supposed-to-know-the-details potluck at work friday as a good bye thing. Sure I exercised yesterday but it’s pouring rain today so no hike, sad, and yes I will be dragon boating friday but that’ll prob not counteract the food from the potluck at lunch or the alcohol I’ll be drinking afterwards lol.

I’m fairly certain the scale will not like me saturday, sigh, hopefully the weather will be nicer tomorrow and I’ll be able to at least go for a hike…too bad boxerfit was cancelled this week – if it wasn’t I might have a fighting chance on the scale on saturday. 😛

Dear Muscles, I’m Sooooo Sorry!

24 May

Oh my poor poor pathetic excuses of muscles, they are in so much pain and I am not pampering them in the way they are used to. Normally, if I exercise and actually cause my muscles to strain and thereby hurt/ache the next day I do everything I can to make it up to them. I move as little as possible, I eat comfort food, I wear warm clothes and have hot showers. lol. You’d think they were injured and not just being worked out. 😛

Last Friday I went to boxerfit class because dragon boating was cancelled due to the long weekend. It was oh so much fun and totally kicked my ass! I have the same curse as all other natural red heads in that as soon as I start doing cardio my face turns tomato red and I look as if I am going to pass out – I have had random strangers come up to me to ask if I am ok because I am so red I scare people, teehee. By the end of that class I was red red red! It’s really embarassing but oh well, nothing I can do about it, shrug.

Boxerfit works like this, it is an hour class that starts with intense interval cardio, then it moves to interval cardio combined with weight work for toning, then you get boxing gloves and have oh, I guess 20 minutes or so of boxing that you guessed it, is done in intervals. lol. Then a bit of stretching and abs and voila, it’s been an hour, I’m red as a tomato and sweating like a crazy person. 😀 I knew as soon as it was over I was gonna be in pain the next day lol.

Saturday rolled around and I hurt but not as badly as I thought I would – there was definite muscle aches and some pains but over all not so bad. Sunday however, ahahaha, that is when the pain hit! My poor calves were beyond aching and were hurt-ing! Every move made me cringe and I did my darndest to move as little as possible. Monday I was out and about and it hurt but not as bad as the day before and the pain was more concentrated – it was only specific muscles now.

Today, Tuesday, went to work, had all the normal stuff happen – which means I sat at a desk for most of the day, shrug, but when I got home, oh man, I ingested sooooo many stupid calories, *shakes head*, sigh. I don’t know what I was thinking! Even as I was eating it I knew it was too much food and I’d feel sickly after and it would put me way over my points and I should just NOT do it…that didn’t stop my arm from getting a workout by lifting the food to my mouth. *raised eyebrow*

After I finished eating my tummy was all popping out even more then normal and oh ew, I felt so gross. I just wanted to sit and veg on the couch, drink tea, and huddle down while trying to digest but then I started thinking about my fat cells. Some people think fat people have more fat cells, that’s not true, we are born with a certain amount of fat cells and we retain the same amount throughout our lives (unless you get liposuction and they are forcibly removed) but those silly fat cells can change size. The fatter you are the bigger your fat cells are…think of them like a tart vs a pie, a skinny person has fat cells the size of a tart, a larger person has fat cells the size of a pie…now, obviously not really those sizes but you get what I mean, right?

So, I was sitting on the couch drinking tea and watching tv and I started thinking about my fat cells, and how I just ate way too much food and if I didn’t do something about all those calories that just went in to my body then my body would turn them in to fat cause it was way more then what I needed for the day and oh man were my fat cells gonna streeeetch – and after all that work to make them smaller! I just couldn’t deal with it! So I got my lazy ass off the couch and went for a hike. 🙂

I had so many ways to talk myself out of it, examples of my excuses are (1) it looks like it’s gonna rain (2) my tummy felt icky from eating too much (3) I’m lazy (4) I have stuff to do in the apartment. Now see, they are all legit reasons so a person has to know if the reasons they are using to not exercise are a real reason or an excuse – for me, it is almost always an excuse. lol.

After my hike I did some push ups, some weight work, some ab work, stretching…frankly, I don’t know what got in to me, it was freaky and yet, I kept going…weird…lol

I don’t think I worked out enough to make enough exercise points to counteract all the food I ate when I got home (I haven’t had a chance to calculate everything yet) but at least I put some effort in to working off all those calories I ate…

So now I am sitting, writing up this post, drinking a big ass glass of water to rehydrate, and still feeling a bit icky from over eating earlier, imagine how much worse I would feel if I hadn’t exercised?! ack! But oh my poor muscles, I am not sure if the exercising I did this evening will make the muscles feel better tomorrow cause of stretching them and using them or make them feel even worse cause I pushed them too much too soon…guess we’ll find out tomorrow! 😛

Weird Vibes

16 May

So word got out at work about my being laid off – talk about awkward! Nobody said anything directly to me, they just kept looking at me with pity and almost saying something then stopping themselves – annoying! That was worse then people coming up to me and saying stuff. sigh.

The only one who did anything was AB who commiserated with me for a bit then emailed me two links to some really great job listing boards – now that’s way better then a weird smile! 😀 I’ve scoped the boards out and already found about 5 jobs to apply for, yah! None of them are a dream job or anything but they are all jobs I should have the qualifications for and might at least have a chance to get…

I was starving all day today! All Day!! I knew it wasn’t real hunger, it was psychological, but that doesn’t make it any less hard to deal with. I had properly spaced out meals and snacks and they were all normal sizes and healthy which helped me to not cave and eat more then I should but oh geez was it hard! I kept wanting to go get a bagel, or a bowl of cereal, or go buy a scone – something…anything! I knew in my head it was stress hunger, not real hunger but I sure wish I could have convinced my stomach of that. Luckily I had some mini cucumbers with me so I ate those for an afternoon snack but if I hadn’t had those I think for sure I’d of caved. *shakes head* Hell, it’s almost 9:15pm right now and I am starving all over again even though I have eaten all my points and had a crazy huge dinner. I hate stress hunger. sigh.

Today I ate:

1 raspberry turnover cookie = 2 points

1 Hearty Medley’s = 2 points

1 apple = 1 point

1 Campbell’s Spicy fiesta black bean and veggie soup = 4 points

1/2 bagel = 1.5 points

2 mini cucumbers = 0 points

1 cup brown rice = 4 points

mixed cooked veggies = 0 points

1 light hot dog wiener = 1 point

cashews = 1 point

2 raspberry turnover cookies = 4 points

Total points eaten = 20.5

Ok, so I went over by 0.5, so shoot me. 😛 lol. The kitchen at work ran out of bread so my only option, literally Only option, was half a bagel. Maybe I shouldn’t of had any bread but how could I not put some form of bread with my soup – it’s just un-natural to eat only soup. lol. That and I really wanted some carbs. 😛

You may be wondering what is with the raspberry turnover cookies – they are such amazingly good cookies, Mmm! I bought them at walmart cause they were only $2 for a package and I was weak. shrug. They are 2 points each though so I have to be careful when I eat them and how many I eat at a time. Sooooo, one this morning before I left the house, and then cause I had stir fry for dinner and it’s so low in points I got to have 2 this evening for my night time snack. They were delish, and I don’t regret eating them but I am feeling so hungry that I wish I’d had something more filling for my last 4 points…altho, really, anything I would have eaten would have been about the same level of filling so I’d still be hungry…which sucks.

I wonder if working on my resume, thereby increasing my chances of getting a job, will decrease my stress and help my stomach to not feel hungry all the time? I think I will test this theory and go work on my resume…not fun, but productive and I guess that’s good…

We Are All Expendable

15 May

Never forget that you are expendable – easily replaced in many ways, hell, sometimes not even replaced just made obsolete. A sucky truth but a truth nontheless.

Normally I am much more upbeat on this blog (I think…) but the end of last week was highly stressed and this is the first I am getting to type since then so I’m channelling all that stress and negativity. sigh.

First part of my stress was my oldest nephew had surgery, he is 10 and not nearly old enough to have to be dealing with surgery in my opinion…course his first experience with surgery was when he was 7 months old so I guess he’s an old pro by now. He made it through just perfect so no worries there but for all of wednesday, well most of wednesday, I was freaking out in my head about what stage he was at, if he was ok, why hadn’t somebody called me with an update…all that kind of stuff. lol. I finally got the news he was out and in recovery and would be staying in overnight but mostly for observation not cause there were complications so yah!

Thursday, ah yes Thursday, still a tad stressed about the nephew, I was waiting to hear that he’d been discharged and how he handled the night – turns out he didn’t sleep well during the night, he had an upset tummy and sore throat, and for some reason the doc didn’t do rounds early enough or something so he didn’t get discharged, weird, but who knows what goes through doctor’s minds? *rolls eyes* I figured him staying overnight could only be good for his progress so hearing he wasn’t getting out for another night actually put me a bit at ease, lol, random huh?

But! That was not the end of the stress. I got a conference call from my boss in Toronto, due to budget cuts (stupid freakin economy and bad real estate market! arg!) my contract is not being renewed and guess who is out of a job as of May 27th?!?! Yup! Me! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Lemme tell ya, that call (which came through in the morning) did not set me up for a good rest of the day, I barely did any work the rest of the day cause ya know what, why the fuck should I? You’re gonna cut me cause you can’t manage to budget your department properly? Fine, I can’t stop that, but I can slow my work speed down sooooo much during my last two weeks that I get my own slight revenge. Let’s see how well your boss likes your productivity reports when I STOP working at peak efficiancy! RAWR!

phew, that rant felt good. teehee.

I only told my close friends at work about the deadline since I didn’t want to have to deal with the whole office knowing I was leaving in two weeks and me having to put a good face on for that length of time. I spent the rest of my work day writing up lists about why being laid off is a good thing, why I am ok with this, and how I will not panic because I am smart, capable, easily employable and will find a new job in no time at all…despite the economy and unemployment rates…

I really thought I was doing ok and handling the situation well, I went to a movie with KL that evening like planned and was all positive about it when telling her what happened…well…then things changed…

I gave her a ride home after the movie and after I dropped her off I stopped at a 7-11 and got 2 tocquitos, yum!, and a small slush – it actually wasn’t a splurge-eat-my-way-to-feeling-better-snack it was a I-didn’t-eat-dinner-and-was-so-hungry-I-was-about-to-be-sick-snack. lol. I believe tho that was the beginning of my downfall…I woke up friday when my alarm went off, didn’t feel like getting up and decided why should I get up? They obviously don’t care about me so why should I care about them? I called in sick.

Friday was spent sleeping, then eating a surprisingly healthy lunch, then dragon boating, then eating an uber unhealthy dinner…let’s see, I ate 3 ferrero rocher, 2 turkey wraps, a yogurt, 1/2 a box of Kraft Dinner, dessert breadsticks from Panago…oh, and a root beer. Yeah, calorie binge or what? or as KL would say “I ate my feelings”. huh, I just realized that read like all that was my dinner, that was what I ate all day. Can you imagine if I ate that all for dinner? I’d of burst! lol.

I made saturday a brilliant friggin day by stepping on the stupid scale, I gained over a pound – sorry, I don’t have my weight tracker beside me and for some reason (gee, I so wonder why? *rolls eyes*) I didn’t memorize the amount I gained. sigh. I know it was under 2lbs but over 1lb. Normally I’d wonder why my binge caused such a large weight gain when the rest of the week I was good points wise but stress will kill your weight loss – the more stress you feel the more your body not only doesn’t let you burn calories it holds onto them and actually makes you gain weight – pretty evil huh?

So now I am stressed about being unemployed as of the 27th of this month and I am stressed about gaining weight…vicious. sigh.

I managed to eat only my points saturday but went over today, the first 2 points I went over today were by accident, the second 2 points I went over by were because I neeeeeded chocolate and am still in enough of a funk I couldn’t bring myself to say no to, well, to myself. lol. I am hoping by tomorrow I will be farther out of my funk and better able to make smart choices about what I am eating…least I am starting to care about the choices I make so I figure that’s a start…

Quick Post!

11 May

omg I’m so freakin tired! I think it’s the weather…and my lack of good sleep for oh, almost a week now…sadness. It doesn’t matter what position I am in I am either putting pressure on my hurt elbow or my hurt knee…or both, and everytime it happens I wake up and get to experience the pain, nice huh?

So today after work I rushed home so I could bake cookies for a lady at work who is buying them from me – crazy huh?! I mean yeah, I bake, and often, but I don’t sell it, I bake cause I love to bake and I share it cause I don’t want to eat it lol. She refuses to take the cookies (even though she requested them) unless I take money from her *rolls eyes*.

I got the cookies done and realized I hadn’t eaten dinner yet, wasn’t really hungry due to a late and large lunch so I had some cheese and crackers then ended up napping on the couch while the tv blared away lol. When I woke up I was freezing and not really hungry but groggy and feeling all low blood sugary so I figured I should eat something.  I made some toast, yum, and of course my standard cup of tea…I then ate a spoonful of nutella, sigh, and an unknown amount of the cookies that were sitting on the cooling racks, double sigh, oh, and I put light peanut butter and nutella on the toast, triple sigh.

Not the best food choices!

I blame it on being freakishly tired and well…that’s it. I know when you are tired you crave carbs and other quick energy fixes and apparently I was just that tired.

I know I should regret what I ate, I was just grabbing and eating but really, I’m still tired enough to not care. lol. I’ll probably care more tomorrow…

Today I ate:

1 pear = 1 point

1 apple = 1 point

1 banana = 1 point

1 Activia yogurt = 2 points


   – miso soup = 1 point

    – philly roll = ?

    – yam roll = ?

10 triscuit crackers = 2 points

30 grams light cheese = 2 points

2 pieces bodywise toast = 1 point

1/2 tbls light peanut butter = 1 point

1/2 tbls nutella = 1 point

spoonful of nutella = 2 points (approx)

random unknown amount of cocount cookies = ??

Total points eaten = uh, I dunno…lol

I know I can calculate the sushi points, at least get an approximation, but I’m too tired for that right now and I can’t remember how many of the cookies I ate…I have it written down how many points the cookies are (on a different copy of the recipe then what I used this evening) so I’ll be able to approximate for those…if I remember correctly they are 2 points each and I think I ate a  whopping 4, eesh, so 8 points right there, quadruple sigh? lol Most definitely went in to flex points today…*rolls eyes*

Here’s hoping I am more awake tomorrow and don’t succumb to my food cravings…but oh man, that nutella and the cookies? Way yum! lol. 😛

Magic Machines? I Wish!

10 May

Who out there has seen the commercial for the Ab Circle Pro? I guess the better question would be, has anybody out there not seen the ad for the Ab Circle Pro? In case you just came out from under a rock I will describe it for you, it is a ridiculous looking machine that you kneel on and then using your core muscles you move your legs around and miraculously you look like…(psst, look at the pic below…)

sooooo I'll look like that if I buy this?

I don’t know if I want to look like her…her shoulders seem freakishly wide for her body, and I’m pretty sure she must live off of protein powder and maybe raw eggs cause nobody who eats actual food looks like that…not to mention the wrinkles she’ll be botoxing outta her face in 5 years from all the tanning she does…

But ya know, forget all that and well, I guess I wouldn’t mind looking like that…It’s not the body type I am striving for, I want toned sure but not that toned, I guess more slim/toned like um…hmm, I’m trying to think of a famous person to use as an example but am drawing a blank since they all seem to be stick thin not slim/toned…maybe when I finally get an agent I’ll start a new niche with my body type? lol.

I don’t know why I am fixating on this particular machine this evening, maybe because I have seen the ad for it multiple times since I have sat down? Yeah, that’s probably it. lol. There are so many machines that swear you’ll look exactly the way you want to look if only you use it – deep down we all know they are a load of crap but still, they can be tempting. I don’t want that machine, I make fun of it everytime I see the stupid ad, but! (and that’s where we all get caught isn’t it?) what if I am being close minded and it really would work? What if I am one tv purchase away from the body I want? Oh the horror! Good thing I don’t have a credit card…who knows how many stupid exercise machines I’d have, lol.

They probably work well for people who are not at all active, after all, going from almost no activity to any activity will increase your weight loss – keeping in mind food choices of course – I knew a girl, very large girl, all she started doing was water aerobics and she lost something like 10lbs in 2 weeks…I was uber jealous! Green green green, sigh. But then I realized she had quite a lot more to lose then I and she went from doing no exercise to doing water aerobics and I was already active in varying ways so my body was used to movement…I guess I should look at it as I was in better shape then her and that is why when I would join a new activity I didn’t have large weight losses…but really, I just wanted to be able to join water aerobics and lose 10lbs lol.

We are a society of quick fixes and instant gratification and these machines we can buy over the phone and online feed in to that. They feed in to the idea there is some super-fast-3-minute-a-day-miracle way to lose the weight when really the best way to lose the weight and keep it off is to eat healthy (that means the food choices and the portion sizes!) and be active. It sucks I know! But do you want your own version of that body in that picture up there or do you want to stay how you are? Not that I am implying you don’t look great! I just know that I look at that picture, then I look down at my gut and I know that if I got to choose between the two I’d pick her body…future botox be damned!

Today I ate:

1 apple = 1 point

1 pear = 1 point

1 banana = 1 point

1 Activia yogurt = 2 points

1/2 cup brown rice = 2 points

chicken = 1 point

1 light babybell = 1 point

1 Thinsations Ritz crackers = 2 points

2 pcs bodywise bread = 1 point

1 turkey burger patty = 3 points

1 cheese slice = 1 point

mustard and ketchup = 0 points

mixed veggies = 0 points

1 Thinsations yogurt covered pretzels = 2 points

20 mini bretons = 2 points

Total points eaten = 20!

Yah! I ate my points and only my points! Thank goodness!

I was worried I’d be over today cause I had this thing to go to after work so I had the babybell and ritz for a snack and I thought that would mess up my points for my dinner but apparently not. 🙂 Sweet huh?

I still feel hungry, which sucks, but I’ll be going to bed soon so I won’t be awake and aware of the hunger. lol.

Oh, and you’ll note I am back to eating fruit again! I fell off that bandwagon when we had a bit of cooler temps and in the mornings I was wanting oatmeal not fresh fruit but today I felt like fruit and ya know, I felt so much better after having ate the fruit then I do after eating cereal or oatmeal. Not that I feel poorly after eating cereal or oatmeal, don’t get me wrong, I love both those things, but after eating the fruit I felt lighter, full but not heavy…does that make sense?

Plus, the 3 pieces of fruit at work and the huuuuuge veggie portion I had at dinner, I’d say I got 5 fruit n veggie portions easy – I just may manage the Canadian Food Guide quantities one day if I keep this up! lol. 🙂

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