Tag Archives: fat

30-ish

13 Jun

Alrighty so today was THE day, the day I was stepping on…dun-dun-dunnn…the scale! (insert scream here!)

It was NOT a pleasant experience at all! 😦

Everything started off ok, I got the new battery in, chose a flat non-carpeted spot to place it (as per the sticker on the bottom), stood on it once to get it calibrated (still following what the sticker said). According to the sticker you step on, wait till it flashes a number, ignore the number, step off, wait till the screen goes blank then step back on because only after all that is the scale actually able to properly weigh you.

I gotta say, after all that, the number that showed up on that stupid silly little digital screen made me so upset I couldn’t decide if I should hit something, cry, pout, break the scale, crawl back in to bed and hide or immediately sell my car so I could find a doctor and get liposuction.

Of course I did none of those things,  I hopped in the shower with that horrible horrible number repeating itself in my head and gazed blindly at the wall of the shower wondering what the hell happened. How had I let that happen?? Talk about epic fail.

I had thought I’d gained 10-15 pounds from the last time I weighed myself, which, in case you are wondering was hmm, two years or so ago? I stopped weighing myself when I started building more muscle and the scale number stopped giving me proper feedback on my progress. Um yeah, no, according to the scale I have gone up 30 pounds. THIRTY POUNDS!!!

fat cat 2

I just don’t get it, I mean yeah I have gone up a pant size, but usually a pant size is 10 pounds, and my top half hasn’t changed size in years, where are these thirty pounds? Where?!?!

Why didn’t any of my friends give me a heads up I was headed back in to porker land? Aren’t friends supposed to tell you things like this? 😦

pig

I’m so mad about that number!

A friend of mine, who is also a co-worker, was at work today and I spoke to her, I was in such a funk and I needed to vent to someone. Turns out she doesn’t even own a scale so as soon as I said I stepped on one she was asking me why I would do that lol Only the supremely fit wonder why the rest of us rely so much on the scale *rolls eyes* She is a personal trainer and couldn’t believe the number the scale gave me. She also said that:

(1) the scale can’t tell the difference between fat and muscle and since we’ve known each other (about a year) I’ve put on muscle

(2) unless it is one of the scales that tells you your body fat percentage, muscle and water retention the number doesn’t mean anything

(3) if I’m wearing the same, or close to the same clothing size as before then the change in number can’t all be fat gain

(4) never pay attention to a scale

During our convo another co-worker walked in and heard what we were talking about, she said she gained 40 pounds in a year so my weight gain is a totally possible thing to which my friend asked about her clothing sizes and she admitted she went up 4 clothing sizes in that one year…so she most likely gained fat (I’m not being mean, she is the one who said that!) where as I apparently gained some combo of fat and muscle…I just don’t get it, sigh. I mean, I get it in theory, but that doesn’t help me with how I’m feeling right now.

It especially doesn’t help that I have an audition tomorrow and have to be in a swimsuit. 😦

So I don’t know what to do…I was freaking out when still at home and getting ready for work and decided that things need to change asap. I made my healthy breakfast (dropped an egg on the floor while doing it, ugh, messy!), made a healthy dinner to take to work (which I accidentally left on the counter when I left for work so I had to throw it out when I got home, talk about a day for wasting food, sigh), decided I am no longer eating food from work unless it is legit healthy or I stupidly leave my healthy food at home *rolls eyes* and I took workout gear with me so when I was done at 9pm I changed at work and went for a run in the area I work. I find by the time I get home at 9:30pm it is too dark to run but if I run at 9pm it is still decently light outside hence the running where I work.

I was paranoid about how I looked when I left the house but while at work I went to the washroom and thought I looked good in the mirror…am I trying to subconsciously delude myself about how bad the situation has gotten? Are my eyes tricking me? Maybe the mirror is faulty?

When I was finished at work and changed in to my workout gear I could see all my problem spots but I was still confused about the change in number, no way I would have been able to wear the t-shirt I was wearing the last time I weighed this amount, it is too slim fitting, and I only bought these work out pants when I was a lower weight then I am now (about 15 pounds lighter than I am now) but they still fit and more importantly they still look good.

So what gives?

I’ve decided to let that number spur me in to motion, be my reason for moving more, eating better, being fitter. I hate that number and even though I have no idea how much of it is fat and how much of it is muscle, I don’t care, I still hate it and I want it to get smaller. I will make it smaller!

More workouts at the gym, more evening runs after work, more proper meals, more focus, more dedication, more pushing myself.

More!

never quit again

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The Battery Debacle

12 Jun

Alrighty so this past weekend I was supposed to buy a new battery for my stupid scale and then on Tuesday I was going to, *gulp* weigh myself for the first time in years…Years! I was not looking forward to this…

There was a slight delay, than a glitch, and well, it didn’t happen, oops?

I forgot to get the old battery out of the scale Sunday night so I could take it with me to work Monday and buy the battery Monday after work. Perhaps my subconscious at work? 😉 I figured oh well, so I’ll buy the battery Tuesday and weigh myself Wednesday, a delay of one day won’t kill me.

One day, ha! 😛

Tuesday I was out and about, helping a friend with some stuff, we did a quick stop at Superstore and I meandered over to the battery section only to find I wasn’t exactly sure which battery I needed. sigh. I still hadn’t taken the battery out of the scale but I remembered what it looked like from the last time I changed the battery and figured how hard could it be to find that same battery? Turns out I had a 50/5o chance of getting it right and I got it wrong. *rolls eyes* The battery is a round flat disc, but there were two batteries like that…who knew?

Look how similar they are!!

Look how similar they are!!

Wednesday I completely forgot about it, was busy hiking and in general just enjoying my day but I remembered Wednesday night and was determined to weigh myself Thursday morning. I put the new battery on my night side table where I couldn’t miss seeing it when I got up and went to sleep with the sure knowledge I would swap the battery out in the morning and somehow find the courage to step on the scale.

Um, well, nope, it took about 15 minutes or so just to get the cover open so I could get the old battery out and that is when I discovered I bought the wrong replacement battery. They look sooooo similar! I almost opened the package to give the one I bought a try anyways but decided against it, I figured better to go buy the proper one and return this one so I can get my money back. Hey, I’m cheap, don’t judge! 😉 lol

No way was I not going to eat before going out to do my errands and when I weigh myself I follow some simple but unalterable rules:

(1) use the toilet first

(2) ingest nothing beforehand

(3) be naked

(4) hop on the scale before hopping into the shower

(5) put my contacts in, they weigh less than my glasses

Which meant no weigh-in for me today, gee, I’m so upset about that…said no one ever! lol

I managed to finally buy the correct battery today, only took me three freakin days! So tomorrow, barring any kind of weird unforeseeable freak occurrence that will prevent me from getting on the scale (please-oh-please let something happen! *crosses fingers* 😉 ) I will be putting that brand new battery in to my evil evil scale and stepping back in to the world of weekly weigh-ins. I have no words to describe how I feel about this but this picture may help give you an idea…

fearI actually prefer weighing in on Tuesdays, or even Wednesdays, but if I don’t get my feet on that scale sooner rather than later I may never do it so Friday morning it is! I may switch to a Tuesday or Wednesday weigh-in next week though, we’ll see just how horrible Fridays weigh-in is and see if I can convince myself to get back on to the scale before the next Friday rolls around lol

 

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Admitting The Truth

6 Jun

I didn’t think I was that person who lost weight, then gained it back. After all, I’m nowhere near the size I was at the beginning of my weight loss journey buuuut…I’m also not the smallest I have been on this journey.

I haven’t wanted to admit this to myself, let alone to anyone else, but it is time I faced the truth…I rebounded a bit. Does this mean I am now a yo-yo dieter? I dunno. Does it mean I am doomed to gain back all the weight I lost? I dunno. Does this mean I am destined to gain and lose and gain and lose for the rest of my life? I don’t know that either…sigh.

Seems there is a lot I don’t know.

I know that I have to get back on track, but I feel lost and not sure how to do that. I keep thinking I am not going to go back to Weight Watchers because I plateaued so badly on that program. Don’t get me wrong, I am super grateful for Weight Watchers, I lost 35 pounds with them, I learned about proper portion sizes with them, I learned I can happily swap out junk food for fresh fruit and enjoy healthy eating but I also feel there are limitations to that program and that I outgrew it. I don’t feel like going back to Weight Watchers is the right choice for me but that doesn’t mean that I know what the right choice for me is.

I also know I am not good at extreme programs. I can only maintain eating paleo, or the bodybeach program, or super restrictive low calorie eating plans for so long before I cave. Even if I like the food and am getting good portion sizes it is more about all the foods I am not allowed to eat. Knowing that on an extreme program having even one spoonful of peanut butter could be considered cheating messes with me. I need a bit of wiggle room, space so I don’t get all down on myself when I step outside of the food rules that I am following.

I need something realistic, and affordable!

My scale has been tucked away for over a year and I am scared to pull it back out, I am scared to see what the number will be when I step on it. I’d rather be back in boxing class getting hit during sparring than stand on that scale again. How pathetic is that?? I originally put it away because I was building muscle and the scale number was no longer an accurate way to measure my progress. It was sloooowly going up as I was getting more trim and it was messing with my head. For so long I relied solely on the number it gave me every week to know if I was doing well and to see it go up, even though I knew it was because of muscle gain, made me feel like a failure. I started gauging my success/failure by other means, how my clothes fit, what size I could now buy, every now and then I would check my size with a measuring tape. For a while these methods of tracking worked but then they didn’t work so well anymore and I was left with no solid way to hold myself accountable.

I’m thinking that is around the time I started to slowly go up in size. For a while it was easy to ignore, my clothes still fit, just maybe a bit tighter, I could still reach the same levels at the gym, even though I wasn’t at the gym as often, I was eating roughly the same amount calorie wise but the calories were coming from more processed foods than fresh healthy foods.  The pounds snuck up on me and now I have to face reality that I have gone up an entire size, so that’s what, ten pounds? That’s depressing. All that work I did to lose weight and I have gone and gained some of it back. What was I thinking?! 

What’s twisted is that even with the weight gain I am more active then before, just in different ways. Instead of going to the gym daily I will swap out gym visits for a hike, or a run or my dragon boat practice. I am still active just not in a regimented gym equipment kind of way, and I guess the activities I am doing now aren’t as good for weight loss or weight maintenance as following a gym program is. Kinda sucks cause I enjoy the hikes an such but if I have to choose between enjoying the activity and getting results from the activity I will choose results every time…well, except for dragon boating, I will always choose dragon boating lol.

I don’t want to be writing this, I don’t want to be that person that gained weight back. But ya know, I follow a lot of other blogs that deal with weight loss, healthy lifestyles etc and I’ve noticed over the years I don’t seem to be the only one this happens to. It seems a lot of people, before they reach their goal weight have a slip up and gain some of the weight back. Most take a while to admit it to themselves and the longer you take to admit it the more weight you have gained back. I know with me part of it was the way I was thinking about food, I started getting cocky, thinking I didn’t have to be as strict cause I’d lost so much, I could let down my guard a bit. Well, proved that idea wrong! I let down my guard and look what happened! 😛

Even though I’m feeling down because I am facing the truth about my weight gain I am glad I am facing this truth now rather than a couple more months down the road when I will have possibly gained back even more weight.

I don’t have a solution for this, I wish I was concluding this post with some great awesome plan that would get me back on track but I don’t have one…yet! For now I am going to aim to get a new battery for my scale (mine died) and I plan to stand on that scale Tuesday morning. I also have a 4 week eating plan that I am going to research a bit more, see if it is doable on my budget, and I am going to schedule exercise into my days instead of leaving it as an up-in-the-air thing that happens more sporadically then it should. Hopefully I can get myself back on track within 5 days or so and huh, look at that, I may not have a solution yet but it seems like I actually do have a bit of a plan, at least a plan in the making…I’ll cross my fingers it works!…Uh, anybody wanna step on that scale for me? 😉 lol

Must remember this

Must remember this

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Thyroid Update

16 May

I had a doctor’s appointment today, to find out the results of the tests done on my blood from last Monday. It would appear that everything is working a-okay within my body.

How messed up is it that I’m a little disappointed right now? *rolls eyes* I was sorta hoping I’d have a thyroid problem and that I would get medicated (even though I hate taking medication) so that I would then have an easier time losing weight (although from what I’ve heard the meds don’t always help with that…) but instead my thyroid is apparently functioning as it should be so nooooo meds for this girl.

Which really, in the long run I am happy about because meds are so not my thing lol In the short term though, grr! and Boo! lol 😛

The doc says the reason I am having trouble losing weight is because I am subconsciously restricting my movement/activities due to the hip problem. She says it is normal for someone whose had an injury to hold back a bit and not be as active as they used to be because they have to baby the injured body part but most people don’t change their eating habits so they are eating more than they should be considering the reduced activity and bam! Weight gain! Then, as the person starts to regain their active lifestyle, they, without realizing it, hold back, or just do a bit less day-to-day which of course means the weight doesn’t come off as quickly as they would like.

Speaking as someone who was badly injured years ago and took for freakin ever to become fully mobile again and then even longer then freakin ever to lose the weight she gained while gimped I am not impressed with this analysis. I understand it. I just don’t like it.

I am back to being active. I mean yeah, I am a lazy person in general but I am back to my twice weekly dragon boat practices, and my hiking (though not as often as I would like but that is not my fault! life gets in the way *pout*) and my random other activities that are generally not planned but just happen. I mean c’mon, I just ran the BMO Run two weekends ago, isn’t that a sign of an active person??

Apparently not. sigh.

How much more do I have to do to be considered active and for my body to stop being a jerk and drop this weight? *glares at body*

I know that when it comes to weight loss it is 80% what you eat and 20% your exercise and I will admit that I am not the greatest when it comes to food. I try, sorta, in spurts lol I’m pretty sure though that I undereat, shocking I know! Except for the days I indulge in something stupid and them boom! Overeater in the house! *groan* I annoy myself. 😛

I’ve got to get my food back on track but no big gimmicks, no weird tricks, just, I dunno, normal healthy eating, in the proper portion sizes, and no more treats just because. I mean yeah ok, I’m not going to cut out every single treat but I have to be more careful with them, actually have them be treats and not daily occurrences ya know? Oh, and I think maybe I should be eating more than once or twice a day…but I always find that hard, sigh.

I’m starting with baby steps, which may seem lame, but I figure every little change will help and will eventually grow in to a big change *crosses fingers and hopes* So, in that vein, when I got home from work this evening I had a cup of tea but no snack. Not gonna lie, I miss having a snack, but my night time snack was almost always something not nutritionally beneficial to my body and not really needed for anything other than taste bud happiness and those little buggers can just suck up the loss as far as I’m concerned lol

I will have to come up with an actual eating plan of some sort otherwise nothing will actually change, but that can wait for tomorrow, when it’s not one in the morning and I’m not kinda tired. 🙂

ecard-complicated-food

 

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Doctors Visit

7 May

Sigh, spending any part of my day at the doctor’s office is not how I want to spend my time. I am very anti-doctor. Not for everyone, I don’t mean I shun Western medicine or anything, just that I personally don’t like doctors and would much rather let my body fix itself when it gets sick or injured. I have an immune system right? Might as well let it earn it’s keep! lol

Having said that I have been seeing a lot of doctors since January, ugh, I’m so done with this, and yet, I am not, sigh. Mentally I am done, physically I have to keep going. *rolls eyes* It’s annoying.

Last week I had an appointment with a specialist I am seeing in regards to my hip, if you want a refresher on that lovely little story click here.

As a result of that appointment I now have to go to physio, sigh, and get an MRI, double sigh. Then my normal family doc calls me, well her receptionist called me lol, to set up an appointment. I guess the specialist had sent over to her the results of the most recent tests he had sent me for so my family doc wanted me to come in so she could talk to me about it.

I saw the family doctor today, she told me what the test results were and what they mean, then she made a comment about what activities I do. Now, I tend to downplay what I have been up to with these doctors cause I don’t want to be told to not do something but I figured since the BMO Run was already over I might as well make a comment about it, not like she can tell me to not do something when it’s in the past right? 😉 lol I mentioned I did the 8km run last Sunday and then went to compete in a dragon boat race and her reaction was “So you’re fit”. Um, what? Obviously from looking at me you can tell I am not fit, eesh. So I commented back something along the lines of “you’d think but doesn’t matter what I do I can’t lose this fat”.

That comment actually got her attention, the rest of the convo went something like this:

Doc: You haven’t lost any weight?

Me: Nope.

Doc: Not even from the run? You didn’t lose any weight from running? Or dragon boat racing?

Me: Nothing. Trust me, I’m trying.

Doc: Have I had your thyroid tested? (she looked at my file) I haven’t had it tested…I’m getting it tested. If you are this active and you aren’t losing any weight you might have a thyroid problem.

Me: Um, ok?

So here is where I am at. I try to shun doctors and all their tests. Buuuuuuut if this blood work shows something wrong with my thyroid she might prescribe some form of treatment or pills that will help fix the thyroid and have a happy result of me losing weight and how awesome would that be?? I am now wondering just how twisted I must be to be sorta hoping I have a thyroid problem…fairly twisted? Or just sorta twisted? Maybe just desperate…not that that sounds any better…

sick and twisted

 

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Middle Ground

15 Mar

I’ve got a pair of pants that when I bought them I thought they fit but once I got them home and wore them out for the first time I realized they were actually a bit too big. The crotch (I hate that word! lol) was too low so it rubbed against the inside of my thighs causing pain and raw skin…too much info? only happens to me? Yeah, sigh, figures… 😉 lol

Anyways! I put the pants in the dryer, a calculated risk, that I hoped would prove to be a smart idea. It did, sorta. The pants, after a couple runs through the dryer fit better around the waist, butt, hips and leg areas. They were a tad shorter than I like but not so much shorter I can’t still wear them with a variety of shoes. Phew! My legs are so long I hang to dry all pants because they can very quickly become too short and I look like that person who is expecting a flood 24/7 lol 😛

So today for work I wore the pants. I was maaaaaybe an hour in to my shift and every time I was standing or walking I was also pulling the pants up a bit and wishing I’d worn a belt. They were fitting looser in all areas but of course were still the tad too short they had been since the dryer stints.

I don’t know if this means I have lost a little bit of weight (please oh please mean I have lost some weight! *crosses fingers*) or if it means my pants have stretched out a bit or didn’t shrink quite as much as I realized. Obviously I’m hoping I got smaller not that my pants got bigger.

I seem to appear to be back in the middle ground of clothing sizes. I hate the middle ground. For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, it is that stage where you are becoming too small for one size but are still too big for the next size down so your clothes don’t fit nicely no matter what you wear. It sucks even if it is an indication you’re on the right track.

this goes for all clothes

this goes for all clothes

Thing is, I can’t think of anything that would have made me slim down a bit so I’m leaning towards the pants stretching out, which sucks.

I’ve been working on making small changes with my food, cutting out the processed foods I’d been enjoying during my off season, drinking more water, making sure to get protein in at every meal (well, ok, almost every meal, this is me after all lol), and, the big one, I’m eating less peanut butter! Shocking I know! I mean c’mon, I am the person who happily eats a couple spoonfuls of peanut butter and considers it a meal lol But yeah, small changes to my eating, nothing major, nothing to warrant slimming down enough to make pants fit looser.

One happy bonus to the pants fitting loosely this evening was it made it easier to resist bad-for-me-foods cause I kept thinking “if I have lost some weight I don’t wanna gain it back by making a stupid food choice” lol Oh the things I use for increasing my willpower! 😛

I have noticed lately that I am finding it easier to resist the foods that usually have me caving. Weird huh? Weird but awesome! If I walk through the bakery section at the grocery store I may glance at all the bakery items I usually drool over but I don’t pause and I definitely don’t buy. I contemplated pizza earlier in the week but easily managed to not order it. I’m finding it easier to not eat the foods at work.

I’m not sure where this increase in willpower has come from but I like it! 🙂 Maybe it’s because it’s dragon boat season again and I want to be in peak condition for practices and for the upcoming race season. Maybe it’s because I am “training” for the BMO Run and keep having horrifying images of a fat me being the last to cross the finish line at the run. Maybe it’s because I have had two auditions in the past two weeks (hoorah!) and want to look better and better for each upcoming audition. That and obviously the more confident I feel about how I look the less I will worry about it when in front of the camera meaning the more I can focus on my acting…and the  more I will look “right” according to casting directors.

It’s probably some combination of all these things and more, who knows what is lurking in my sub-conscious? lol 😉

Whatever it is, I am glad for it. Glad to be that person who easily walks past all the high calorie, processed, so tasty but so bad for me foods and buys the healthy stuff. Glad to be getting back to the way I used to be. Glad that this juuuuust might be the first step towards a healthier, stronger, slimmer me. *crosses fingers*

take the first step, put down the cookie!

take the first step, put down the cookie!

 

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A Helpful Tip?

15 Mar

I read a lot. For the most part I read whatever I think looks interesting, which, given my innate curiosity is pretty much everything lol. Something I read a fair amount of are articles, books, studies etc on eating healthy, fitness, getting in shape, losing weight…anything that somehow relates to leading a healthier lifestyle.

I read all these articles, books and studies for a couple reasons. One is because deep down I am still hoping for some sort of miracle-super-easy-quick-fix to my fat problem. Hey, if I can find something that can actually legit get me in shape faster than what I am doing now sign me up! Also, I read these various pieces for information, to learn what is best for my body, what I might be doing that is actually causing harm, tips and tricks, ideas…things like that. There is no way any one person can know everything about a topic, definitely no way I know everything about getting fit, so why not keep reading everything you can get your hands on? Keep learning, keep expanding your ideas, keep opening your mind to suggestions, keep trying new things…what could it possibly hurt?

So the other day I am reading an article titled: 8 Clever Tips For The Body You Want. If you read enough of these articles you’ll find they mostly all say the same things. Apparently there aren’t that many easy suggestions to pass along *rolls eyes* but one of the suggestions in this article caught my eye, caught it enough I took a screenshot of it so I would be able to reference it later.

my screenshot

my screenshot

The gist of this tip is, ready for it? Dun-dun-dunnnnn…eat the same things daily. Repeat the same exercises over an over. Basically bore yourself to tears by doing the same things over and over again. Apparently, “in one study, less food variety was associated with successful weight loss maintenance” and according to Dr. Oz (yeah, that guy from tv) “research is showing that putting a cap on the variety of foods and tastes you experience will help you control your weight. Find a healthy lunch you like – salad with grilled chicken and olive oil…and have it every day…”

Every.Day.

Basically bore your taste buds into submission. Oh and doing the same workout over and over? Suuuuure, I mean it’s not like you have to worry about your body getting minimal benefit from an oft repeated workout because our bodies are smart and quickly figure out how to get through a workout routine they recognize by doing the least amount of work….oh wait, yes we do have to worry about that! *rolls eyes*

Seriously Dr. Oz? Seriously??

I don’t know who came up with this particular article, I didn’t screenshot that part, oops! But I am baffled by this tip.

How is a person going to learn how to live a healthier lifestyle if their main way of eating is to eat the same thing everyday? All you’re doing is finding a couple healthy meals and hitting the repeat button every time you enter the kitchen. Sure, that may work for a little while, but what happens when that person goes to a potluck? To a restaurant? To a birthday party? To a work function where there is food? Basically, any social situation where you do not get to pick the exact meal put on your plate? How does someone navigate these food danger hot spots? If I only eat salad with grilled chicken for lunch and then my work puts on a lunch function and there are soooooo many tables of super tasty foods in front of me, how have I picked up the skills needed to help me (1) make a healthy food choice using the foods available to me and (2) resist all the super tasty but bad for me foods that are there?

Maybe it is just me but if I was eating the same thing day after day then was put in a situation ( like the work lunch function, or a potluck at a friends place etc) I’d cave faster than a dog that smells steak and basically eat whatever looked tasty. For me, if I deprive myself of the majority of foods out there then am exposed to them I have no willpower to resist them because it’s been so long since I’ve tasted something different than my routine food. I will want nibbles of everything and we all know those nibbles add up quickly! *cough*stupid nibbles*cough*

Granted, this could just be because I have ridiculously weak willpower but I feel it is a valid point.

Wouldn’t it be better to learn one new healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner meal per week, slowly integrating the new healthy meals in to your life so that you get to eat healthy, experience new foods (or at least foods cooked in different ways than before) and bonus you actually enjoy eating instead of dreading it because you’ve been eating the same foods day in and day out?

When I did my super strict Paleo Plan I ate the same foods everyday, in the same order, cooked the same way, nothing ever varied. Did I lose weight? Well, technically yes, I actually built muscle so I lowered my body fat % but my scale had me going up a bit (ya know, cause of that whole muscle vs fat thing). Did I enjoy my food? No. It became a thing I had to do, had to deal with, and I couldn’t wait for each meal to be done because by week two I was so bored. For a while my willpower saved me from cheating. If I was out for dinner I’d order a salad, no dressing, grilled chicken breast on top. I can’t believe I’d pay $16 or so for something so basic but I did, all because it was as close as I could get to what I “should” be eating. I hadn’t learned from my strict Paleo Plan how to navigate eating in a restaurant, what to do if I was at a friends, how to grab something to eat on the go. All I had learned was to eat the same thing over and over and when I was in a situation that varied from my normal day-to-day schedule the Plan abandoned me to figure things out on my own…it’s like kicking a kitten to the curb when it isn’t yet weaned, no way I had the skills or know-how to figure things out on my own.

Sidenote, the kitten to the curb analogy made me look at my cat and get all “oh that’s such a mean thought” so I paused to cuddle my cat…something he doesn’t appreciate cause I woke him up lol 😛

Realistically, how long can a person eat the same foods on a daily basis?

I have to say I think this point, written up how it was written, is flawed. If they had said eat the same meals daily for two weeks than slowly add additional healthy meals that’d be ok. But this makes it sound like you should be eating the same foods daily for ever.

It’s way healthier to learn what foods are healthy, then learn how to cook a variety of dishes using those foods, eventually ending up with an arsenal of go-to meals that are healthy, tasty and varied enough you aren’t (1) bored to tears or (2) so deprived of taste variety you end up going overboard food-wise when put in a situation that is full of temptations. Well, in my opinion anyways…I’ll stop ranting now lol

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Run Turtle! Run!

4 Mar

I am not a runner. People think I should be good at it cause I have long legs. That’s like saying I should be good at basketball because I am tall. Neither of those presumptions makes any sense! *rolls eyes*

Despite this I decided to sign up for the BMO Run in May…I should not be allowed on the internet after midnight! lol So, due to a deep rooted fear I will either (1) not be able to complete the run, (2) be the slooooowest person in the run, (3) die while attempting the run or (4) a combo of all three, I figure I should do some sort of training. Ya know, run a bit, work my way up to the distance I will be running in May.

run meme

Of course there is the side benefit of (hopefully) losing weight while I take on this whole running thing. I may hate running but even I know it is wicked awesome cardio. 🙂

Tuesdays are my Saturdays and I usually spend them doing an amazing imitation of a sloth until I meet up with friends at night but this Tuesday I made no plans with friends for the night and gave myself a whopping two goals to accomplish.

(1) Eat healthy

(2) Exercise

Seems pretty simple right? I mean, it’s only two freakin things to accomplish in one day, who can’t manage that??

I feel that for the most part I ate in a healthy way, I’m not very good at judging if food is healthy or not due to the fact that I have so many “food rules” floating in my brain, some of them contradict each other, and I’m never sure which rules to follow. sigh. Why do there have to be so many rules?

My first meal of the day was a whole wheat wrap filled with two slices of turkey bacon, sauteed mushrooms, two scrambled eggs (seasoned with dill) and about 6 sweet pickles. Oh, and I spread two triangles of Light Laughing Cow cheese on the inside of the wrap. Soooo yummy! I also had a banana. I know I should have used only one egg but it was a big wrap and I accidentally added too much water to the first egg so when I poured it in to the pan it looked not-so-great, it seemed a wise decision to add a second egg…even if it is gluttonous. sigh.

I then procrastinated on the going for exercise part of my day, of course! lol 😛

I originally thought I’d digest for a half hour or so then either go for a run or go for a session at the gym. I was good with either and actually kinda wanted to do both. I wanted to run because of needing to train for the run in May but I wanted to go to the gym because I feel I have lost some of my upper body strength and I want to build it back up, what with it being dragon boat season an all.

It was sleeting so that made the decision for me, I’d jog to the gym, work out, jog home and feel righteous lol Well…I slacked, as is my way lol I watched tv, played games on my iPad, cuddled with the cat, thought about how I should get up and exercise but didn’t actually move from my seat lol convinced myself it was ok if I didn’t go right away cause my gym is open till 11pm today so I can always go later evening if I want.

The slacking lasted so long I got hungry, oops! I didn’t want a meal though so I made some toast with peanut butter and honey on it. Bad I know! CarbsCarbsCarbs, ugh, why do I have to love you so much?? I decided that if I was going to continue slacking then I had to increase my fluid intake, at least do something good for my body, so I made more tea lol and drank a couple big glasses of water. I used to drink water like it was going out of style but I somehow got out of that habit – I should really fix that…note to self, drink more water!…maybe that can be my goal for tomorrow? 😛

Eventually I got off my ass and got ready to go work out, it had stopped sleeting so I decided to go running, I wanted to use the MapMyRun App I had installed the day prior and I really wanted to use the ArmPocket I bought a bit ago. It didn’t occur to me until I was outside locking my door that it was pitch black outside, way past sunset. Did this deter me from running? Nope.

The MapMyRun had a route starting near me that was a bit over 5km, I thought that’d be a good place to start. If I’d gone in daylight the route would have been way better lol It took me on a non-lit, deserted path that had river on one side and forest on the other, I felt like I was in an episode of Criminal Minds and was half convinced I was going to die due to my stupidity but obviously nothing happened. The map route however, was flawed, erg. I got to this one section and it wanted me to cross the street to go do a loop through a park, well, the street it wanted me to cross was the highway, at a section there is nowhere to cross and I’m sorry but I may do a lot of stupid things but jaywalking across a highway is not one of them! Also, signs for the park the map said I would find across the street indicated it was actually on the side of the street I was on but farther down. I was mightily confused because oh man do I have seriously lacking navigation skills. I opted for turning around and heading home, not through the deserted scary trail section though, phew! I was around the 4km mark at that point and figured for sure I’d hit 5km by the time I got home, turns out I ran 6.80km. Which I am aware is super short for most people but I’m happy with it. At the end I felt like I could have kept going which I take as a good sign for my next run, and the run in May!

My dinner was a chicken breast stuffed with cheese and broccoli, sliced pan cooked yam, roasted yellow peppers, vermicelli noodles with a bit of sweet and sour sauce mixed in and some sweet pickles. Why the pickles? Cause I like em. 🙂 I think it was healthy, but again, not certain because while I can argue that it is, I can also find ways to argue that it isn’t, sigh. It was tasty though…if that counts? 😛

dinner - healthy? not healthy? who knows!

dinner – healthy? not healthy? who knows!

A couple hours after dinner I ate a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich, man those are good. In the world of Weight Watchers they are 2 points which makes it seem like not such a bad snack? I’m still feeling kinda hungry but no more food for me today, instead lots more water. Mmm water!…said no one ever! lol 😉

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The Ups and Downs Of Shopping

19 Feb

Shopping, ugh, I have such a love-hate thing going on when it comes to shopping. As a  girl I am supposed to love! love! love! shopping for pretty much everything buuuuuut I don’t. 😛

The things I love to shop for? Gear for my various sports/activities, books, shoes, jewellery, purses, techie stuff…but since I don’t have a lot of money I usually end up buying stuff for my sports/activities and shoes lol

Things I hate shopping for? Clothes.

Yes, I admit it, I am a female who hates shopping for clothes…well, unless it’s clothes to be worn when exercising, hiking, dragon boating, running, basically sports clothes. But clothes for work or general socializing? Nuh-uh, don’t like it.

I’m never happy with what I look like hence hating to shop for clothes.

For the last couple months or so I’ve been oh so amazingly unhappy with my clothes. Every time I get dressed for work or to go hang with friends I feel ugly. I don’t like how my pants fit, I don’t like how they look, they make me miserable and self-conscious and eager to return home and put on some sweats or yoga pants. My tops I’m ok with, it’s the pants that are a problem.

I was convinced it is because I am too big…huh, I’m trying to find a nice way to say this, *deep breath* I was convinced I felt this way in my pants because I was too fat for them. I wasn’t when I bought them, they fit great, so obviously if I don’t fit perfectly in them anymore it must be because I got too fat for them, right? Right. It’s depressing, and made me even less eager to shop than normal. I kept telling myself that if I am so unhappy with how I look in my clothes then stop being a dumb ass, lose the weight I so obviously gained, and fit back in to them. If I ate something I shouldn’t, then felt uncomfortable in my pants I would mentally yell at myself (cause yelling out loud to myself is just weird 😛 ) and basically tell myself my punishment for eating something bad for me was feeling so miserable in my pants. Not the healthiest way to be looking at things…

maybe this should be my new plan? ;)

maybe this should be my new plan? 😉

Couple months or so ago I bought two new pair of pants, a pair of jeans and a pair of cords. I bought them both a size up from what all my other pants are because I thought that must be what I needed, a size larger. I’ve been having trouble with both those pairs of pants though because they are too big, after about 20 minutes of wearing them they have become so loose I am constantly having to pull them up – soooo not an attractive thing to be doing. *rolls eyes* and under normal circumstance they’d be donated to a thrift store or relegated to “fat day pants”. Thing is, I don’t own enough pants to be giving any away or wearing certain ones so infrequently.

So I was confused, how could one size fit too snug and the next size up fit way too loose? Then I had a realization…except for those two pants that I bought in the larger size I hadn’t bought pants (except yoga or hiking or dragon boat pants) in three years. THREE YEARS!! I’ve been wearing the same freakin pants for years! No wonder they aren’t fitting properly anymore! They’ve been washed how many times? Worn how many times? Sat in, run in, moved around in, lived in for how long? Oh yeah, that’s right, 3 years.

That little tidbit of info made me feel not quite so bad about how my pants are fitting. Have I changed since I bought them, well yeah, sure I have. But so have the pants. They don’t hold their shape as well as they used to, over time the leg length has shrunk so it’s a good bet the rest of the way they fit has shrunk, they are old, and while I keep my clothes in as good condition as possible they are showing their age. I’d say they are due to be retired.

I decided with this paycheque I would buy myself a pair of pants, maybe two if I could find a good sale somewhere. I had almost convinced myself the shopping might be fun and not horrific since maybe I’m not the monstrous size I feel I must have become since my pants haven’t been fitting me but then reality set in lol Dragon boat season is starting early this year, a whole month earlier and I needed new water proof pants cause mine became un-water proof by the end of last season and while yes, this is a water sport so I should expect to get wet, being on the water at 7:30pm at night in February is damn cold and it’s sensible to wear water proof gear until the weather warms up. No point getting drenched and cold and being sick when you don’t have to be. I was at Mountain Equipment Co-Op, shopping for the water proof pants (which I found, and while I bought the cheapest pair they were by no means cheap, ugh) when I saw some sweet hiking pants on sale for $20. I figured I’d try them on since they were such a great deal and omg they fit beautifully! It’s amazing how good I felt about how I looked when I wore them! I didn’t feel self-conscious or ugly or fat or like I wanted to hide, I felt like I looked good. 🙂 It’s been a looooong time since I’ve felt that. Obviously I bought them. Oh, and the size? The equivalent to the size of the pants that no longer fit me. Weird.

So now I don’t have the money to replace my work/socializing pants because I bought the water proof pants and the hiking pants but the water proof ones are a necessity and the hiking pants were too good a deal to pass up, shrug. Guess I’ll have to keep battling the feelings I get in my three year old pants until I have another paycheque that has some money left over and I can go find some new clothes. If I can hold on to how I felt when trying on the hiking pants then maybe I won’t even mind going shopping for new work/social pants…maybe! 😉 lol

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30 Day Challenge Confirmed

13 Feb

It seems that I am taking part in the 30 Day Squat Circuit Challenge…I’m still mildly confused by this even though it was my decision to do it lol

I'm doing this??

I’m doing this??

I did the first day thinking something along the lines of “I can do this but it doesn’t really mean anything…I can still not do the challenge…” then I did day two and three and well, it seems I’m committed now lol. 😛

I’m glad I’m doing this challenge, it’ll be good for me, and will hopefully push me to get to the gym more often, and the mountain! We got some fresh snow the other day up on the mountain so guess whose hoping to go snowshoeing tomorrow? If you guessed me you’d be riiiiight! 😀

Today was spent with my lil sis at the gym working with a trainer. He focused on showing us solid, full body moves that we can do in gyms or at home (so we have no excuse to not work out lol) and I felt like I got a good workout. Not as good of a workout as it could have been but that was because it was a learning workout so there were more pauses than there normally would be as he explained things, or corrected form or took pictures. Yes, took pictures, weird huh? He took pictures of us doing various exercises that he will email us so we will remember what the proper form looks like for various exercises. Smart man.

He also gave us a suggestion for a workout to do together next week (this week was our last session with him, sadness), he suggested we do the Widow Maker. Neither of us had heard of it, it is basically a freakin huuuuuge outdoor staircase that equals to 12-13 flights of stairs. Huh. We promised we’d do it next wednesday and have also promised to email him to let him know we did it so we really do have to do this thing, we’re accountable to the man…I think that was his sneaky plan to make sure we kept working out…

He also suggested we go back in 3-4 months and have another fitness evaluation so we can see how far we’ve come (this is of course assuming we get better and not worse lol). I think it’s a great idea! My lil sis wasn’t quite as excited at the idea but maybe she’ll warm to it…I was hoping to magically find the money to be able to meet with a trainer from there every three weeks or so, to help me stay on track, learn new things, and to eventually re-evaluate my fitness levels. I can’t sign up with the trainer we’ve been working with cause he charges $75/hour and you have to book minimum 2 sessions per week with him, eek! Sooooo can’t afford that! He said other trainers there charge $65/hour and don’t have minimum amounts you have to work with them. I’d rather stay with him cause I’ve been working with him but I’m sure the others are just as good. However, I have decided I can’t afford the expense, boo! But am more than willing to take up his offer of another fitness evaluation in 4 months time. This will give me something to work towards and motivation is always a welcome thing in my world lol

I find I have a tendency to lose motivation, I still have all the reasons I have always had to get in shape buuuuuut my laziness takes over and I forget in the moment why I should work out instead of go to a movie with a friend, oops? lol Adding another reason for why I should work out is good, but what will make the difference is that he will be seeing me in a relatively short amount of time and I want to be able to show him I’ve gotten better, not stayed the same or gotten worse. I think knowing I will be tested will help me to not eat the bad-for-me-food and will also help me get out there and exercise. *crosses fingers*

Oh, and don’t forget that 8km I signed up for…I should really start training for that soon…maybe that should be my motivation? 😉

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