Tag Archives: weight loss

The New Day One

1 Oct

I started my day with a measuring tape and my almost naked body, lovely image that! lol 😉 Ugh. I even attempted to weigh myself but my scale appears to be dead.

My scale is digital, before you step on it you are supposed to lightly tap the top of it with your foot so that it flashes three zeros then, once it shows a steady 0.0lbs you fully step on it to get weighed. Well, my scale seems to have forgotten it is supposed to start at 0.0lbs so every time I tapped the top and it reset itself it set to a weight, which I would have deducted from whatever number showed on the scale when I stepped on it but the number was different each time and frankly, it left me not trusting the scale. I took this as a sign I should stick with my measurements for tracking lol

Though, the measurements are confusing me also, sigh. I measured myself at the beginning of September so when I measured myself today I of course compared the numbers to those from Sept 1st and they had changed. All but one of the numbers had gone down (one of them stayed the same), which is awesome, but I don’t think realistic. No way I’ve gone down by at least an inch in every spot I measure, not in a month, especially a month where I haven’t been doing a good job of exercising.

I’ve been working really hard since coming back from vacation in July to eat three meals a day instead of the one or one and a half I normally eat, and for the most part I’ve been trying really hard to eat in a healthy balanced way. I wasn’t tracking calories or anything, I was just trying to make better choices in general, so protein and veg and fruit with smaller than what I used to eat amounts of carbs. Nothing really impressive about that eating plan, and nothing that would create a large change, right? *confused face*

So why are the numbers down? For my arms I think it is because dragon boat training season is over, has been for a while now, and that means my arms are being worked a bit less, well, a lot less lol. Even though dragon boating is mostly core, back and shoulders, the arms do get worked, I figure the lack of practices has taken away some of my arm muscle, hence my arms getting a bit smaller. As for the rest of the numbers, I guess I messed up somewhere. I double and even triple measured myself today because I was so shocked the numbers were different from last month so I guess I messed up when I measured in September.

In case you’re wondering, the different areas that I measure are:

– mid upper arm

– just under the breast

– belly button

– lower than the belly button at the fattest part of my tummy

– hips

– fattest part of my thigh

– mid calf

I measure both the left and the right side, mostly because my left and right legs are different sizes due to an old injury, but it is something I recommend for everyone, after all, if your feet can be slightly different sizes who says your limbs can’t be?

There are a lot of measurement tracking pages you can find online, none of which I liked (of course lol) so I made my own but I don’t use it, instead I draw a stick figure and make marks on the stick figure labeling what I am measuring and what the measurements are. I don’t know why I prefer using the stick figure drawing with measurements marked on it but, shrug, I do. I’m visual like that I guess. I am going to start transferring the measurements to the tracking sheet I made though for quick reference.

I ended up not taking pictures of myself like I had planned. I have one full length mirror and that is in my bedroom, by the time I woke up there were construction guys working on the house next door so there was this constant parade of guys walking past my bedroom window. Now sure, you’re probably thinking, why didn’t I close the blinds? Well, they were as closed as they can be but thanks to a certain cat who has climbed through the blinds so often they have been permanently disfigured there is no such thing as having actual privacy in my room anymore, the blinds are always open at least a bit…just enough to make me uncomfie standing around in my underwear and bra, taking pics of myself, while guy after guy walk past my window. I know, I’m so high maintenance! lol So I’m thinking Saturday morning should be safe, I mean, construction guys won’t be working on a Saturday, right? It’s a bit annoying my measurements and my pictures won’t be done on the same day but 4 days difference won’t matter, nothing will have changed in that amount of time, shrug.

he looks innocent but he killed my blinds. Blind killer!

he looks innocent but he killed my blinds. Blind killer!

I managed to track every single thing I ate today, yay! I ended up eating 1140 calories, I’m not sure if that is good or bad since I haven’t done the calculations that will tell me how many calories I should be eating, oops! Also, I did nooooo exercise, nadda, niet, nine, NONE! Talk about a lazy day!

All in all, I think my New Day One went well, I didn’t cheat with my food even though I was sooooo tempted, I tracked everything I ate, I got my measurements done…*nods head* yup, a good new Day One. 🙂

2013-06-28 22.05.47

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Getting Back On Track

30 Sep

Lately I have sucked at many things, the main ones are writing on this blog consistently, writing on this blog about something other than my vacation, following any sort of eating/fitness plan and budgeting. Yeah ok, budgeting doesn’t seem to really fit in there but hey, it’s something I suck at so why not add it to the list? lol 😛

I’ve decided to stop being an unorganized annoying person who wants to see change but isn’t working towards it, and instead be someone who is actively working to achieve the change they want to see.

Man oh man will this suck! lol Well, at the beginning anyways, but hopefully soon (very soon, pleeeeease very soon!) it will all become second nature and it’ll not seem like so much work.

Officially I am starting tomorrow, I like starting things at the beginning of a month, that way when I look back at what I am tracking I can see a whole month’s worth of information instead of one week, or half a month or however long it has been. The chunk of time not working towards my goal, and therefore not tracked, looks like some gaping black hole to me when I am glancing at my accumulated information and it bugs me. Yeah yeah, I know, I’m weird, let’s move on shall we? 😉

Here is what I am starting, as of tomorrow, but technically did today to see how it went:

– I am tracking what I am eating. Every. Single. Bite.

– I am tracking my exercise

– I am tracking my spending. Every. Single. Penny. (even though we don’t have pennies anymore…am I the only one that misses pennies? sigh)

To this end I bought myself a cute three subject notebook…

hoooo! hoooo!

hoooo! hoooo!

One section is for my food, one is for my exercise and one is for money spent. I know a lot of people use smaller notebooks to track things, ones that will be easier to carry around but I tend to lose them in my purse, or forget about them, and I thought why not use a larger book, one that can hold everything, is cute (so I like looking at it), and has pages that are large enough the stuff I write down won’t be cramped or written in super small print so it fits?

Today, with the food tracking, all I did was write down what I ate, I didn’t include calories or convert it in to Weight Watchers points, I just wanted to start the habit of writing down what I eat.

I’m not actually sure what kind of meal plan I am going to follow, which is probably pretty stupid considering I am starting tomorrow but there are so many different ways to go about this and I’m not sure anymore which is the best way to go, sigh.

I could follow Weight Watchers again, but I plan on working on building muscle and that means tracking by following numbers on a scale won’t work out too well. I could follow the version of Paleo I was on before, it worked really well, but it is very strict, there is no wiggle room and I honestly don’t know if I can follow that again. I could follow a basic calorie counting plan, figure out how many calories I should be having a day and make sure that is how many I eat.

Without thinking I’ve already come up with three different ways I could go with this, and that is without research, this is just from what I know already…think how much more confusing it could get if I start doing more research? There are meal plans that take in to account your blood type, your body shape, plans that take away all sugar, all carbs, all meat…too many options!! Arg!

I am leaning towards counting my calories, I haven’t done that before, well, not successfully lol but maybe this time I’ll be better at it…couldn’t be much worse I suppose. 😉

The last couple times I have tried to get back on track I find a new app for my phone and try that route but this time I am going old school. I did well when on Weight Watchers and I tracked by writing everything in a notebook, not using the app. While normally I am all about utilizing technology, sometimes I think it doesn’t work as well as the low tech ways. With all the different apps I have used I have had issues, either they are American based so the foods and restaurants etc that are loaded in to them don’t match the foods and restaurants I have access too, they only track you by weight, they are rigid in their definition of meal names, they think that just because it is past midnight it’s a new day even though I didn’t get up till noon and am not going to bed until 3am, they don’t have the exercises in their database that I do…things like that…In the end I find the limitations of the apps so annoying I stop using them.

When using a notebook sure there is a bit more work, I have to look online to find the information (calories, WW points etc) or *gasp* read the nutritional information on the food package but that’s ok, am I so important I can’t find time for that? Pfft, no. Well ok, some days it might be harder than others but I’m sure I can manage it, right?

As for exercising, I will still use apps for tracking if only so I can get accurate distances, calories burned and time of day I exercised. I don’t track all my exercises, when I lift weights for example, but I think it’s more important to be tracking the cardio. Hmm, that sounds wrong, I track weights in the sense I keep a record of how much weight I lifted and how many reps, I just don’t use an app for that.

For keeping track of my success (note the optimism? 😉 ) I will be measuring myself in oh-so-many places lol I will also take pictures of myself (front view, side view, back view), I will repeat this on the first of every month. I’m toying with also weighing myself but I find that the number on the scale can have really negative effects on me and I just don’t know if I want to go there…I’ll see how brave I am tomorrow and if I think it’ll be a wise choice to step on to the scale.

BMI Scale Measuring Tape

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30-ish

13 Jun

Alrighty so today was THE day, the day I was stepping on…dun-dun-dunnn…the scale! (insert scream here!)

It was NOT a pleasant experience at all! 😦

Everything started off ok, I got the new battery in, chose a flat non-carpeted spot to place it (as per the sticker on the bottom), stood on it once to get it calibrated (still following what the sticker said). According to the sticker you step on, wait till it flashes a number, ignore the number, step off, wait till the screen goes blank then step back on because only after all that is the scale actually able to properly weigh you.

I gotta say, after all that, the number that showed up on that stupid silly little digital screen made me so upset I couldn’t decide if I should hit something, cry, pout, break the scale, crawl back in to bed and hide or immediately sell my car so I could find a doctor and get liposuction.

Of course I did none of those things,  I hopped in the shower with that horrible horrible number repeating itself in my head and gazed blindly at the wall of the shower wondering what the hell happened. How had I let that happen?? Talk about epic fail.

I had thought I’d gained 10-15 pounds from the last time I weighed myself, which, in case you are wondering was hmm, two years or so ago? I stopped weighing myself when I started building more muscle and the scale number stopped giving me proper feedback on my progress. Um yeah, no, according to the scale I have gone up 30 pounds. THIRTY POUNDS!!!

fat cat 2

I just don’t get it, I mean yeah I have gone up a pant size, but usually a pant size is 10 pounds, and my top half hasn’t changed size in years, where are these thirty pounds? Where?!?!

Why didn’t any of my friends give me a heads up I was headed back in to porker land? Aren’t friends supposed to tell you things like this? 😦

pig

I’m so mad about that number!

A friend of mine, who is also a co-worker, was at work today and I spoke to her, I was in such a funk and I needed to vent to someone. Turns out she doesn’t even own a scale so as soon as I said I stepped on one she was asking me why I would do that lol Only the supremely fit wonder why the rest of us rely so much on the scale *rolls eyes* She is a personal trainer and couldn’t believe the number the scale gave me. She also said that:

(1) the scale can’t tell the difference between fat and muscle and since we’ve known each other (about a year) I’ve put on muscle

(2) unless it is one of the scales that tells you your body fat percentage, muscle and water retention the number doesn’t mean anything

(3) if I’m wearing the same, or close to the same clothing size as before then the change in number can’t all be fat gain

(4) never pay attention to a scale

During our convo another co-worker walked in and heard what we were talking about, she said she gained 40 pounds in a year so my weight gain is a totally possible thing to which my friend asked about her clothing sizes and she admitted she went up 4 clothing sizes in that one year…so she most likely gained fat (I’m not being mean, she is the one who said that!) where as I apparently gained some combo of fat and muscle…I just don’t get it, sigh. I mean, I get it in theory, but that doesn’t help me with how I’m feeling right now.

It especially doesn’t help that I have an audition tomorrow and have to be in a swimsuit. 😦

So I don’t know what to do…I was freaking out when still at home and getting ready for work and decided that things need to change asap. I made my healthy breakfast (dropped an egg on the floor while doing it, ugh, messy!), made a healthy dinner to take to work (which I accidentally left on the counter when I left for work so I had to throw it out when I got home, talk about a day for wasting food, sigh), decided I am no longer eating food from work unless it is legit healthy or I stupidly leave my healthy food at home *rolls eyes* and I took workout gear with me so when I was done at 9pm I changed at work and went for a run in the area I work. I find by the time I get home at 9:30pm it is too dark to run but if I run at 9pm it is still decently light outside hence the running where I work.

I was paranoid about how I looked when I left the house but while at work I went to the washroom and thought I looked good in the mirror…am I trying to subconsciously delude myself about how bad the situation has gotten? Are my eyes tricking me? Maybe the mirror is faulty?

When I was finished at work and changed in to my workout gear I could see all my problem spots but I was still confused about the change in number, no way I would have been able to wear the t-shirt I was wearing the last time I weighed this amount, it is too slim fitting, and I only bought these work out pants when I was a lower weight then I am now (about 15 pounds lighter than I am now) but they still fit and more importantly they still look good.

So what gives?

I’ve decided to let that number spur me in to motion, be my reason for moving more, eating better, being fitter. I hate that number and even though I have no idea how much of it is fat and how much of it is muscle, I don’t care, I still hate it and I want it to get smaller. I will make it smaller!

More workouts at the gym, more evening runs after work, more proper meals, more focus, more dedication, more pushing myself.

More!

never quit again

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The Battery Debacle

12 Jun

Alrighty so this past weekend I was supposed to buy a new battery for my stupid scale and then on Tuesday I was going to, *gulp* weigh myself for the first time in years…Years! I was not looking forward to this…

There was a slight delay, than a glitch, and well, it didn’t happen, oops?

I forgot to get the old battery out of the scale Sunday night so I could take it with me to work Monday and buy the battery Monday after work. Perhaps my subconscious at work? 😉 I figured oh well, so I’ll buy the battery Tuesday and weigh myself Wednesday, a delay of one day won’t kill me.

One day, ha! 😛

Tuesday I was out and about, helping a friend with some stuff, we did a quick stop at Superstore and I meandered over to the battery section only to find I wasn’t exactly sure which battery I needed. sigh. I still hadn’t taken the battery out of the scale but I remembered what it looked like from the last time I changed the battery and figured how hard could it be to find that same battery? Turns out I had a 50/5o chance of getting it right and I got it wrong. *rolls eyes* The battery is a round flat disc, but there were two batteries like that…who knew?

Look how similar they are!!

Look how similar they are!!

Wednesday I completely forgot about it, was busy hiking and in general just enjoying my day but I remembered Wednesday night and was determined to weigh myself Thursday morning. I put the new battery on my night side table where I couldn’t miss seeing it when I got up and went to sleep with the sure knowledge I would swap the battery out in the morning and somehow find the courage to step on the scale.

Um, well, nope, it took about 15 minutes or so just to get the cover open so I could get the old battery out and that is when I discovered I bought the wrong replacement battery. They look sooooo similar! I almost opened the package to give the one I bought a try anyways but decided against it, I figured better to go buy the proper one and return this one so I can get my money back. Hey, I’m cheap, don’t judge! 😉 lol

No way was I not going to eat before going out to do my errands and when I weigh myself I follow some simple but unalterable rules:

(1) use the toilet first

(2) ingest nothing beforehand

(3) be naked

(4) hop on the scale before hopping into the shower

(5) put my contacts in, they weigh less than my glasses

Which meant no weigh-in for me today, gee, I’m so upset about that…said no one ever! lol

I managed to finally buy the correct battery today, only took me three freakin days! So tomorrow, barring any kind of weird unforeseeable freak occurrence that will prevent me from getting on the scale (please-oh-please let something happen! *crosses fingers* 😉 ) I will be putting that brand new battery in to my evil evil scale and stepping back in to the world of weekly weigh-ins. I have no words to describe how I feel about this but this picture may help give you an idea…

fearI actually prefer weighing in on Tuesdays, or even Wednesdays, but if I don’t get my feet on that scale sooner rather than later I may never do it so Friday morning it is! I may switch to a Tuesday or Wednesday weigh-in next week though, we’ll see just how horrible Fridays weigh-in is and see if I can convince myself to get back on to the scale before the next Friday rolls around lol

 

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Admitting The Truth

6 Jun

I didn’t think I was that person who lost weight, then gained it back. After all, I’m nowhere near the size I was at the beginning of my weight loss journey buuuut…I’m also not the smallest I have been on this journey.

I haven’t wanted to admit this to myself, let alone to anyone else, but it is time I faced the truth…I rebounded a bit. Does this mean I am now a yo-yo dieter? I dunno. Does it mean I am doomed to gain back all the weight I lost? I dunno. Does this mean I am destined to gain and lose and gain and lose for the rest of my life? I don’t know that either…sigh.

Seems there is a lot I don’t know.

I know that I have to get back on track, but I feel lost and not sure how to do that. I keep thinking I am not going to go back to Weight Watchers because I plateaued so badly on that program. Don’t get me wrong, I am super grateful for Weight Watchers, I lost 35 pounds with them, I learned about proper portion sizes with them, I learned I can happily swap out junk food for fresh fruit and enjoy healthy eating but I also feel there are limitations to that program and that I outgrew it. I don’t feel like going back to Weight Watchers is the right choice for me but that doesn’t mean that I know what the right choice for me is.

I also know I am not good at extreme programs. I can only maintain eating paleo, or the bodybeach program, or super restrictive low calorie eating plans for so long before I cave. Even if I like the food and am getting good portion sizes it is more about all the foods I am not allowed to eat. Knowing that on an extreme program having even one spoonful of peanut butter could be considered cheating messes with me. I need a bit of wiggle room, space so I don’t get all down on myself when I step outside of the food rules that I am following.

I need something realistic, and affordable!

My scale has been tucked away for over a year and I am scared to pull it back out, I am scared to see what the number will be when I step on it. I’d rather be back in boxing class getting hit during sparring than stand on that scale again. How pathetic is that?? I originally put it away because I was building muscle and the scale number was no longer an accurate way to measure my progress. It was sloooowly going up as I was getting more trim and it was messing with my head. For so long I relied solely on the number it gave me every week to know if I was doing well and to see it go up, even though I knew it was because of muscle gain, made me feel like a failure. I started gauging my success/failure by other means, how my clothes fit, what size I could now buy, every now and then I would check my size with a measuring tape. For a while these methods of tracking worked but then they didn’t work so well anymore and I was left with no solid way to hold myself accountable.

I’m thinking that is around the time I started to slowly go up in size. For a while it was easy to ignore, my clothes still fit, just maybe a bit tighter, I could still reach the same levels at the gym, even though I wasn’t at the gym as often, I was eating roughly the same amount calorie wise but the calories were coming from more processed foods than fresh healthy foods.  The pounds snuck up on me and now I have to face reality that I have gone up an entire size, so that’s what, ten pounds? That’s depressing. All that work I did to lose weight and I have gone and gained some of it back. What was I thinking?! 

What’s twisted is that even with the weight gain I am more active then before, just in different ways. Instead of going to the gym daily I will swap out gym visits for a hike, or a run or my dragon boat practice. I am still active just not in a regimented gym equipment kind of way, and I guess the activities I am doing now aren’t as good for weight loss or weight maintenance as following a gym program is. Kinda sucks cause I enjoy the hikes an such but if I have to choose between enjoying the activity and getting results from the activity I will choose results every time…well, except for dragon boating, I will always choose dragon boating lol.

I don’t want to be writing this, I don’t want to be that person that gained weight back. But ya know, I follow a lot of other blogs that deal with weight loss, healthy lifestyles etc and I’ve noticed over the years I don’t seem to be the only one this happens to. It seems a lot of people, before they reach their goal weight have a slip up and gain some of the weight back. Most take a while to admit it to themselves and the longer you take to admit it the more weight you have gained back. I know with me part of it was the way I was thinking about food, I started getting cocky, thinking I didn’t have to be as strict cause I’d lost so much, I could let down my guard a bit. Well, proved that idea wrong! I let down my guard and look what happened! 😛

Even though I’m feeling down because I am facing the truth about my weight gain I am glad I am facing this truth now rather than a couple more months down the road when I will have possibly gained back even more weight.

I don’t have a solution for this, I wish I was concluding this post with some great awesome plan that would get me back on track but I don’t have one…yet! For now I am going to aim to get a new battery for my scale (mine died) and I plan to stand on that scale Tuesday morning. I also have a 4 week eating plan that I am going to research a bit more, see if it is doable on my budget, and I am going to schedule exercise into my days instead of leaving it as an up-in-the-air thing that happens more sporadically then it should. Hopefully I can get myself back on track within 5 days or so and huh, look at that, I may not have a solution yet but it seems like I actually do have a bit of a plan, at least a plan in the making…I’ll cross my fingers it works!…Uh, anybody wanna step on that scale for me? 😉 lol

Must remember this

Must remember this

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Thyroid Update

16 May

I had a doctor’s appointment today, to find out the results of the tests done on my blood from last Monday. It would appear that everything is working a-okay within my body.

How messed up is it that I’m a little disappointed right now? *rolls eyes* I was sorta hoping I’d have a thyroid problem and that I would get medicated (even though I hate taking medication) so that I would then have an easier time losing weight (although from what I’ve heard the meds don’t always help with that…) but instead my thyroid is apparently functioning as it should be so nooooo meds for this girl.

Which really, in the long run I am happy about because meds are so not my thing lol In the short term though, grr! and Boo! lol 😛

The doc says the reason I am having trouble losing weight is because I am subconsciously restricting my movement/activities due to the hip problem. She says it is normal for someone whose had an injury to hold back a bit and not be as active as they used to be because they have to baby the injured body part but most people don’t change their eating habits so they are eating more than they should be considering the reduced activity and bam! Weight gain! Then, as the person starts to regain their active lifestyle, they, without realizing it, hold back, or just do a bit less day-to-day which of course means the weight doesn’t come off as quickly as they would like.

Speaking as someone who was badly injured years ago and took for freakin ever to become fully mobile again and then even longer then freakin ever to lose the weight she gained while gimped I am not impressed with this analysis. I understand it. I just don’t like it.

I am back to being active. I mean yeah, I am a lazy person in general but I am back to my twice weekly dragon boat practices, and my hiking (though not as often as I would like but that is not my fault! life gets in the way *pout*) and my random other activities that are generally not planned but just happen. I mean c’mon, I just ran the BMO Run two weekends ago, isn’t that a sign of an active person??

Apparently not. sigh.

How much more do I have to do to be considered active and for my body to stop being a jerk and drop this weight? *glares at body*

I know that when it comes to weight loss it is 80% what you eat and 20% your exercise and I will admit that I am not the greatest when it comes to food. I try, sorta, in spurts lol I’m pretty sure though that I undereat, shocking I know! Except for the days I indulge in something stupid and them boom! Overeater in the house! *groan* I annoy myself. 😛

I’ve got to get my food back on track but no big gimmicks, no weird tricks, just, I dunno, normal healthy eating, in the proper portion sizes, and no more treats just because. I mean yeah ok, I’m not going to cut out every single treat but I have to be more careful with them, actually have them be treats and not daily occurrences ya know? Oh, and I think maybe I should be eating more than once or twice a day…but I always find that hard, sigh.

I’m starting with baby steps, which may seem lame, but I figure every little change will help and will eventually grow in to a big change *crosses fingers and hopes* So, in that vein, when I got home from work this evening I had a cup of tea but no snack. Not gonna lie, I miss having a snack, but my night time snack was almost always something not nutritionally beneficial to my body and not really needed for anything other than taste bud happiness and those little buggers can just suck up the loss as far as I’m concerned lol

I will have to come up with an actual eating plan of some sort otherwise nothing will actually change, but that can wait for tomorrow, when it’s not one in the morning and I’m not kinda tired. 🙂

ecard-complicated-food

 

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Monthly Round Up – April

8 May

Alrighty so I’m a tad late with this, what can I say, punctuality is not my strong suit lol To hold myself more accountable for my fitness related actions I have been tracking them on my calendar. Every time I do something fitness related I write it on the calendar and then highlight it in pink. The highlighting is so that at a glance I can see how much or how little I have been doing so far within the month and it will either (1) re-enforce I am doing well and help me to keep going or (2) force me to realize I am slacking and push me to get my butt in gear.

Here is my calendar from the month of April…

Such a slacker! sigh

Such a slacker! sigh

As you can see, there are huuuuuge gaps where I had lots of days in a row where I did nothing that counts as exercise, sigh. Must. Get. Moving!

It is hard to tell from looking at the picture but some of those days I did two different workouts/activities which helps to make the month not quite as bad as it could be lol

In total, out of the 30 days I exercised 17 times. I am not impressed with myself *rolls eyes* I learned from tracking in the previous month that Fridays through Mondays are my worst days for getting my butt out there and doing something. It is due to my work schedule but I can’t let that keep holding me back, I have got to figure out a way to work around the hours and my laziness.

Tomorrow is Friday, a day I generally don’t exercise because of working but I’m hoping to at least do a workout dvd. I’ll only be able to go to the gym if I go before work since they are closed by the time my shift is over and I’ve shown time and time again I am not good at forcing myself to get up early and head to the gym before work. I go to bed with the best of intentions to get up and go but it doesn’t happen. Sooooo, I’m lowering the bar lol I’m lowering it to getting out of bed and following along with an exercise dvd. It may not be an amazing workout but at least it is something, and something is better than nothing, right? Right! I figure I’ll work up to getting my butt to the gym before work…

 

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Doctors Visit

7 May

Sigh, spending any part of my day at the doctor’s office is not how I want to spend my time. I am very anti-doctor. Not for everyone, I don’t mean I shun Western medicine or anything, just that I personally don’t like doctors and would much rather let my body fix itself when it gets sick or injured. I have an immune system right? Might as well let it earn it’s keep! lol

Having said that I have been seeing a lot of doctors since January, ugh, I’m so done with this, and yet, I am not, sigh. Mentally I am done, physically I have to keep going. *rolls eyes* It’s annoying.

Last week I had an appointment with a specialist I am seeing in regards to my hip, if you want a refresher on that lovely little story click here.

As a result of that appointment I now have to go to physio, sigh, and get an MRI, double sigh. Then my normal family doc calls me, well her receptionist called me lol, to set up an appointment. I guess the specialist had sent over to her the results of the most recent tests he had sent me for so my family doc wanted me to come in so she could talk to me about it.

I saw the family doctor today, she told me what the test results were and what they mean, then she made a comment about what activities I do. Now, I tend to downplay what I have been up to with these doctors cause I don’t want to be told to not do something but I figured since the BMO Run was already over I might as well make a comment about it, not like she can tell me to not do something when it’s in the past right? 😉 lol I mentioned I did the 8km run last Sunday and then went to compete in a dragon boat race and her reaction was “So you’re fit”. Um, what? Obviously from looking at me you can tell I am not fit, eesh. So I commented back something along the lines of “you’d think but doesn’t matter what I do I can’t lose this fat”.

That comment actually got her attention, the rest of the convo went something like this:

Doc: You haven’t lost any weight?

Me: Nope.

Doc: Not even from the run? You didn’t lose any weight from running? Or dragon boat racing?

Me: Nothing. Trust me, I’m trying.

Doc: Have I had your thyroid tested? (she looked at my file) I haven’t had it tested…I’m getting it tested. If you are this active and you aren’t losing any weight you might have a thyroid problem.

Me: Um, ok?

So here is where I am at. I try to shun doctors and all their tests. Buuuuuuut if this blood work shows something wrong with my thyroid she might prescribe some form of treatment or pills that will help fix the thyroid and have a happy result of me losing weight and how awesome would that be?? I am now wondering just how twisted I must be to be sorta hoping I have a thyroid problem…fairly twisted? Or just sorta twisted? Maybe just desperate…not that that sounds any better…

sick and twisted

 

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Society and Rain

28 Mar

Two things stopped me from running tonight after work, well, three if you count my laziness whiiiiich I suppose is the only one that really counts but let’s ignore that one shall we? 😉

I once again didn’t manage to get my lazy ass out of bed early enough to workout before going to work today, sigh, I hate myself for that every time it happens which fyi, is every Friday and Saturday. blarg. I have plenty of time before work starts to get in some sort of work out, whether it is an exercise dvd, going to the gym, going for a run, hell even just doing some squats and free weight stuff in my apartment but do I do any of those? Nope! I sleep in just long enough to not have enough time to work out then I chill and do nothing important before going to work. An utter waste of a day. I do this every week, it’s pathetic. *rolls eyes*

After work tonight (I was off at 9:15pm) I actually felt like working out. I didn’t feel all super pumped this’ll-be-the-best-workout-ever! but I felt, I dunno, like it was time. Like I had hit my fed upness with myself, hit my limit of lazy and wanted to do something physical. I had to stop at Superstore on my way home but I decided on the drive to Superstore that once I got home I’d quickly change and go for a run. I was actually looking forward to it believe it or not.

teehee

teehee

Well, after Superstore I get back in the suv and start driving and got hit by a wave of tiredness. Completely out of proportion to the level of activity I had for the day I might add. I swear I felt like I could have gone home, gone to bed and fallen asleep right away. I never sleep early, my body just can’t do it, so feeling like that was uber weird for me.

I got home, sat in the suv and tried to mentally convince myself that I was going to go for a run, even if it was slow, even if it was pathetic, at least it would be something. I was texting with a couple friends at the time and one of them said I shouldn’t go running, it was too late at night and not safe. I was all “huh? that’s ridiculous” but it got me thinking. I’ve gone for runs at night before and while running have thought it was high on the list of stupid decisions I have made because it is dark, late, paths are empty, not only could I injure myself due to poor lighting conditions but I could come across someone who has less-than-nice intentions and get myself in to some serious trouble. I’d be an idiot to not be aware of that.

I absolutely hate the idea of fear making a decision for me, of my not doing something because it could be dangerous, could put me in an unsafe situation, could have negative consequences. People would never get anywhere, have new experiences, truly enjoy life to it’s fullest if fear made their decisions for them. For all of that though, I have to be realistic. There are certain situations I really don’t want to be in, like being attacked while running, and if running late at night is going to increase my chance of that well, maybe I shouldn’t go. sigh.

Despite living in a city that is considered safe, in an area that I feel comfortable walking home tipsy in, I still have to be aware of my surroundings, keep an eye out for someone acting suspiciously, someone who perhaps doesn’t belong or might have nefarious reasons for being there. And isn’t that pathetic, and sad, and horrible? That as a woman I can’t go running late at night without having a niggling fear it could be dangerous, without having to be aware that it is my responsibility to not put myself in a stupid situation because others can’t be trusted?

How did this come to be? Or better yet, how can we stop it being like this?

While having these somewhat deep (and mildly depressing) thoughts the clouds opened up and it started to rain, not lightly drizzle but pour rain, which ended my internal debate on whether I would chance it and go running or play the coward and stay inside because I do not run in the rain, I might melt! 😉 lol

So now it is almost 1am, I am still feeling a bit tired and I just might attempt to get an early night. Who knows, maybe if I get to bed and to sleep before 3am I’ll actually be able to drag my sorry ass out of bed in the morning and get it to the gym before heading to work! *crosses fingers*

Sidenote: you’d never know it by how lazy I have been for the past, oh, forever? lol but I actually really like working out. I know! I am that person, I said it, feel free to smack me upside the head! lol But I do, I like how I feel like I am accomplishing something, how I can feel myself getting stronger, how after I am done I feel better about myself – not just in how I look but how I feel health wise. You’d think all of that would be enough to get me out of bed and to the gym but somehow, it’s not. *rolls eyes*

and yet, still not enough motivation, sigh

and yet, still not enough motivation, sigh

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My Last Three Days

21 Mar

My last three days have been busy, or at least they felt that way but when I look back on them I can’t figure out why they felt so busy…weird… 😛

Well ok, Tuesday wasn’t busy lol I slept in, chilled with the cat then went to dragon boat practice. After practice I made dinner, cooked a new fish dish which turned out well, when I say “well” I mean I didn’t give myself food poisoning lol It tasted fine, nothing great so I won’t be buying it again, shrug. It was healthy though, which was what I was aiming for so yay for getting that right! Although, someone out there will probably read what it was and say I am wrong *rolls eyes* Leave me with my delusions! lol

It was a coconut crusted piece of tilapia, there was seasoning in there too, not like it was just coconut but since it came pre-crusted/seasoned I couldn’t say for sure what those seasonings were…

tilapia coated with seasoning and coconut, yams and grilled peppers

tilapia coated with seasoning and coconut, yams and grilled peppers

I paired it with some red and yellow grilled peppers and some sliced yam, those were cooked in a pan on top of the stove with no butter/spray/oil used, I just put a small bit of water in the pan so the food didn’t stick. I was paranoid about cooking the fish, the instructions said cook for ten minutes per inch and a half of thickness, what?? That’s not cool, I want specific directions for my piece of fish, I want to be told exactly how many minutes for my fish, not have to figure it out myself cause dude, I’ll figure it out wrong! Least, that was the panicked thoughts going through my head lol Turns out it was cooked perfectly, go fig! 🙂

Wednesday I spent the afternoon with my lil sis at the mall. Normally I try to get us doing something active for at least part of our time together but her birthday was this week so I let her decide every thing we did Wednesday which meant we spent the entire time in the mall. Ah well, it’s her day! 🙂 We had fun, which was a given really lol I bought a new phone case for myself which I am in love with right now, every time I pick up my phone I laugh, teehee, and yes I know, I am easily amused. It is a someecards cover and looks like this…

cause I know you care what my phone case looks like lol

cause I know you care what my phone case looks like lol

We had a pit stop at Tim Horton’s cause well, why wouldn’t we?? There is a new maple glazed doughnut out and all I can say to Timmy’s about that is bravo *slow clap* ya done goooooood! My other comment to them is where are all the winning cups?? It’s Roll Up The Rim game time and none of my cups have won so far! *pout*

medium steeped tea and a doughnut, classic!

medium steeped tea and a doughnut, classic!

In the evening I hung out with KL, we got dinner (Indian food, Mmm!), then saw the movie 12 Years A Slave and holy crap was it amazing! Brutal. But amazing. So no exercise for me at all on Wednesday, and lots of food, which is sorta reversed to how it is supposed to be but alas, Wednesday was two days ago so there’s nuthin I can do about it now! lol 😛

Sidenote:

Every time this commercial comes on tv I stop and watch. I love it, well, right up until it gets to the part about advertising for Centrum Science Multi-Vitamins cause I’m not on that whole vitamin bandwagon but I find the commercial inspiring (to a point). All those people, of various ages and backgrounds taking part in a wide variety of physical activities, leading healthy lifestyles, I dunno, something about it makes me want to do more. Try a new sport, or go back to one I used to do and stopped *cough*boxing*cough*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDvJ00qaPvA

Thursday!

I had a relaxing morning, went to an audition early afternoon, then dragon boat practice at night then out for dinner later that night. Thursday was a good day. 🙂

The audition went great, I got amazing feedback from the casting director so wOOt! wOOt! I can’t tell anything about the project or specifics about the auditions cause I signed a non-disclosure agreement but if it turns in to anything rest assured I’ll be linking it to my blog so you can all pretend to watch it lol 😉

At practice we got informed that us girls have to train twice as hard as the guys and that we (this time I mean everyone, not just the girls) are supposed to be eating healthy (duh!) and we aren’t supposed to drink alcohol…um, what? Not like I drink a lot or anything but…none? At all? Hmm…this woman really doesn’t know us lol

Her strictness with things did help curb my appetite today though, which I suppose is good, any little bit helps right? I had dinner at work but only cause it was a fish steak with veggies, there were other things with it (mashed potatoes, spring rolls, apple pie etc) but I didn’t eat those. Didn’t even snag a cookie for dessert!

Oh and lastly! A friend of mine who is a trainer informed me that a respectable time to complete my BMO Run is 45 minutes…I’m going to die…my training is pretty much non-existent, which is not good, I’ve gotta start kicking my own ass in to gear when it comes to running, ugh. Whyyyyyy did I sign up for this? Stupid-wanting-a-new-challenge-feeling *rolls eyes* 😛

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