Archive | March, 2011

It’s Not You, It’s Me!

31 Mar

It’s not that things haven’t been happening since Friday (the day of my last post) it’s that first I was too busy, then too sick, then too exhausted from being sick to write – but things are looking up this evening and I am fully alert (yah!) so it’s catch up time! 🙂

Ok, let’s see, the weekend! Saturday I only ate a little bit over my points, I used I think 3 flex points? Sorry, don’t have my tracker near me to confirm that. Nothing horribly exciting food wise that day – I got up a bit earlier then normal cause I had an early afternoon shift at work so I ate more like a weekday then a weekend cause I had to have my food last over a full amount of hours instead of fewer due to having slept through a lot of them. lol. Oh! My weigh in – I lost 1 pound! 😀 Yah! I’m still bitter I am working on re-losing the 3 pounds I gained back, sigh, but hey, 1 down 2 to go – then back to my normal weight loss…ya know, pounds I haven’t lost yet? 😛

Sunday, up even earlier then saturday (can you believe it?!) cause I hooked up with a couple friends to go to brunch, yum! We went to a restaurant I had never heard of but it was totally worth it! I split my dish with KL cause both dishes sounded good to me and everytime she goes there she always wants to try something new but she orders the same dish as her last visit cause she loves it so much. lol. So she got a smoked salmon eggs benedict with avocado and I got french toast with strawberries and whipped cream. 🙂 In reality we each ate 1 1/2 pieces of french toast with some strawberries and whipped cream and we also each got half a serving of eggs benny, Mmm! Oh, there were also cubed hash browns – I had 4 of those dipped in either ketchup or some of my syrup lol.

After food we went to the mall, did some window shopping, I bought some toys for one of my nephews then we saw the movie Sucker Punch – great action! great effects! great music! not the best story line, or maybe it was better then I first thought cause I am still thinking about it and it seems everyone has a different interpretation of it…

Well, then Monday morning came around, and I don’t mean the normal 6am when (sadly) work mornings usually start for me, nope, I mean 4am when I woke up way sick. ugh. My poor tummy! I was horribly nastily sick to my stomach for like 6 hours!! That should so not be allowed! 😦 Once my entire digestive track had been emptied (least that’s what it felt like) I was unconcscious until the next day – well, not totally, I had small moments of consciousness when I was aware of how much like crap I felt like and how badly I wanted water but was unable to get it lol. Tuesday was better – I was able to get up, shower, sit on the couch…simple stuff like that. 🙂 I had no appetite at all but forced myself to eat a little bit otherwise I’d never have any energy the next day when I had to go back to work.

Wednesday was not great, went to work and felt like crap the whole day, only ate half an apple (slap on the wrist for me from weight watchers for that I’m sure! lol). After work I decided to skip the walk in clinic since up to this point they have not been all that helpful so I went to the ER of a small hospital that is near where I live (small hospital means small ER means shorter wait times 😉 ) and lemme tell ya, when you say “abdominal pain” you get in pretty fast. heh. Oh, in case you were wondering, I went in cause I actually was having abdominal pain and couldn’t eat cause of it I didn’t just make that up. 😛

The doctor couldn’t do much for me, shrug, doctors – they are all quacks. sigh. This guys theory is that the walk in clinic docs put me on so many (3) and such strong (the strongest) antibiotics in an attempt to cure my cough (that I have had since December) it killed ALL the bacteria in my digestive track (there’s good and bad bacteria right? well, we need the good but if they are dead then you are screwed when it comes to digesting – who knew??) so the pain (that until about 2 weeks ago) I had been experiencing daily for like a month and a half and that came back to an extreme this past Tuesday is due to lack of good bacteria in my gut? double sigh. Looks like I’m not digesting properly. So now I am taking pro-biotics and hopefully within a week things will be better…we shall see…

There we have it! A catch up of the past while. See? It wasn’t me ignoring you or giving up on blogging or weight watchers, it was just me not having time and then not being able to blog, no hard feelings? 🙂

Oh!Oh!Oh! I forgot to tell you! I weighed myself Tuesday just cause I was curious, I threw up so much I lost almost 3 pounds in one day! Kinda awesome huh? Makes me see why bulemics like losing weight their way – instant gratification. lol. 😉 No threat of that becoming my way of doing things – I’d rather only taste my food once thanks. 🙂

A Healthy Treat

25 Mar

It’s Friday (duh!), it was a decently ok day and I had a great week points wise so I figured I could have a treat for dinner. My plan was Sushi from a place near my house I haven’t tried yet – it’s healthy-ish (depending what you order), it’s cheap, it’s yummy and I wouldn’t feel guilty about eating it…unlike the dessert breadsticks from Panago that I am craving lol. 😛

Well, I think the fates were conspiring against me, lol, this place doesn’t have a parking lot but there are parking spaces on the street in front of it however, all the spots were full. Fine, no biggy, I looped around the block to get to a different place near the restaurant that has free parking and always has a vacancy…it was full…say wha? That place is never full!

By this point I decided that I wasn’t really craving sushi, it was just what I chose based on process of elimination and since it was becoming more difficult then what I was prepared for to even get to the restaurant let alone get in and order, well, maybe I didn’t want sushi after all. lol

So homeward bound I went and actually got excited about making the chicken stir fry that I had made at the beginning of the week. I know, weird right? Getting excited about something healthy for dinner? And something that I am putting the effort in to making? But it’s such a tasty dish and there is so much food for so few points – how can I not love it? shrug.

I made the stir fry, with some minor changes to it, and my treat was making Yorkshire Puddings to go with the stir fry. 😀 For those of you who don’t know what yorkshire pudding is (1) do you live under a rock?? and (2) they are sooooo yum! 😀

Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Yorkshire Puddings!

It’s not actually a pudding – it’s a light, fluffy, air filled bread doughy thing that has a subtle taste and if made on a large enough scale can be filled with stew etc. – when filled with stew it becomes a classic pub meal in England. 🙂 Here, I make them small (muffin size) and devour them like a person who has just finished a 2 week fast! teehee. They are 1 point per yorkie and trust me when I say one person can easily eat 6 in one sitting…I say this cause, uh, yeah, I kinda did that this evening – and that’s after I ate my huge serving of chicken stir fry! *rolls eyes* I think it’s cause they are so light and airy…it’s like you’re eating practically nothing…well, a tasty nothing, but you know what I mean. 🙂

So today I ate:

1 mango = 1 point

1 pear = 1 point

1 banana = 1 point

1 SmartOnes Cranberry Turkey Medallions = 4 points

1 piece of toast = 1 point

1 orange = 1 point

1 Minute Rice brown rice cup = 4 points

4 cashews, split = 1 point

chicken = 1 point

mixed veggies = 0 points

    – bean sprouts, baby corn, carrots, celery, peas, green beans, corn nibblets, mushroom, water chestnuts

6 yorkshire puddings = 6 points

Points Eaten = 21

Ok, yeah, I am one point over my daily points but I am ok with that cause I still have those exercise points I earned and never ate and I have all those wonderful flex points just waiting to be eaten. lol. I know I started this week saying I wasn’t going to use any flex points and I worked really hard to make sure I didn’t touch them but it’s friday night and I want a tiny bit of chocolate so I am gonna find something to nibble on. It’ll put me up another 2 points but like I said, I still have all those flex points left so I think it’s ok to eat something little…maybe a Jaffa Bar, Mmm! 🙂

This Could Be Very Bad…

23 Mar

I actually made it out hiking again, twice in a week – practically a miracle! lol. I know I used to manage two to three hikes a week before winter hit but a season of wonderful laziness has made hiking even once a week a pain in my…well, my butt, thighs, core…all kinds of muscle groups lol. 😀

That is not what could be very bad though…

I made a dinner I have been looking forward to for days! I used some of the left over ground beef, heated it up, combined it with mixed veggies, salsa, sour cream, cheese and some baby spinach, then I put it all in a wrap (well 2 wraps technically) and badaboom! Home made burrito…or would it be more of a soft shelled taco cause there was no rice or beans…either way, it was yummy! I made extra veggies and had some on the side and when all was said and done it was a great dinner. I always fill wraps too full so they are a tad messy but some of the best meals out there are messy so I’m not complaining. lol. 😀

The problem is I think my sour cream has gone a little off, it didn’t taste bad in the wraps but really, I could barely taste it cause there was so much other stuff in there – now though my poor tummy hurts. ugh.

I know it’s not the meat and I have had the sour cream for a little while so I am almost positive it is that…positive enough I am gonna throw it out…not that throwing it out will do me any good now. *groan*

I almost wish my body’s reaction was to be sick but it appears my body is going to try to digest it, sigh. Stupid body.

I ate two digestive cookies after in the hopes of making myself feel better, I’m not too sure how my logic works but it seemed like a good idea to eat something else – I think my reasoning is like when you are drunk and/or hungover, you eat something to soak up the alcohol right? Well, maybe I should eat something to soak up the badness? *raised eyebrow* Sadly, this plan is back firing. *double groan* I have only eaten 18 points today and I earned 7 exercise points so I am a loooong way to go before being done with food for the day – although, if my tummy doesn’t start feeling better I just may be done with food for the day cause no way do I want to put anything else in there when I feel like this.

Today I ate:

1 pear = 1 point

1 apple  = 1 point

2 cups Campbell’s Market Vegetable Blend soup = 4 points

1 piece toast = 1 point

1 orange = 1 point

2 Bodywise wraps = 2 points

1/2 cup ground beef = 4 points

30 grams light shredded cheese = 2 points

1 tbls light sour cream = 0 points

carrots, peas, green beans, corn, bean sprouts, salsa = 0 points

2 digestive cookies = 2 points

Total Points Eaten = 18

Total Exercise Points Earned = 7

So, here’s a first, I am at negative 9 points for the day and have no plan for further eating…usually when I am under my daily points I know what I am going to use my left over points on, and I know what I would eat if I was feeling ok but, well yeah, it’s just not happening today.

What a waste of exercising! I was so looking forward to some toast with nutella on it or a bowl of the Just Bunches cereal but even the idea of food is making me feel worse, *rolls eyes*, stupid stupid body – and to be honest, stupid me for eating sour cream that was suspect.

Oh well, nothing I can do now but sip on some water and hope this gets better soon – and pay better attention to expiration dates from now on! 😉

Well that was…bland, huh.

22 Mar

I was so looking forward to dinner tonight – all this week really. I am planning them all ahead and have known for days what I was getting for dinner tonight. I know a lot of people don’t like planning their meals ahead, they think it’s boring, but I figured it was the best way to make sure I don’t go over my points this week, shrug.

Dinner tonight was whole wheat pasta with Ragu light tomato and basil sauce suplemented with sauteed carrot and 1/4 cup of extra lean ground beef – sounds yum right? Well, I thought it did…

I am not sure if I did something wrong or just haven’t learned how to cook a meal without a recipe…or ideas from my mother. lol.

It was really bland, no real flavour. I thought the sauce was supposed to taste like, well, like something, it barely tasted like tomato! Maybe this is cause it’s the light version? I am not sure cause I haven’t bought it before…and never will again! blah. I s’pose once I realized how bland it was (which was when the food was on my plate and I was eating, lol) I could have tried adding some spices but I had no idea what to add or how much of it and to properly mix it I’d have to dump it all back in the pot – it just seemed like too much effort, lol. So, I ate a bland dinner. sigh.

I don’t know if they are related but I am also still quite hungry – I can’t decide if I am hungry cause I am hungry or cause my taste buds weren’t satisfied by my dinner and for pure taste pleasure my body wants more food…oh how to tell? lol.

I had my evening snack early – a thinsation Ritz package – and am forcing myself to not eat for a while in the hopes my stomach/brain figure out I am full…I hope my stomach/brain figure it out soon!

My food for today:

1 apple = 1 point

1 apple pear = 1 point

1 banana = 1 point

2 cups V8 Carrot soup = 4 points

1 piece toast = 1 point

1 orange = 1 point

1/2 cup Ragu light tomato and basil sauce = 1 point

1/4 cup extra lean ground beef = 2 points

85 grams whole wheat pasta = 5 point

1 pckg thinsations Ritz = 2 points

Total points eaten = 19 🙂

So, I still have 1 point left for the day and luckily I still have some 1 point mini chocolate bars that I got sent from England which means once I cave and decide I am actually hungry and not just feeling deprived I will be eating one of those. 🙂 lol

I wish I could eat a Jolly Time popcorn package but sadly, I have run out of them…I’ll hafta make sure to buy some more this weekend when I go grocery shopping. They are getting harder to find, which is sad, there used to be a whole bunch of flavours on the shelf in my grocery store, now there is only one flavour (the regular butter flavour) and even that isn’t in stock very often. I thought they were always sold out but there are never any empty spots on the shelves so I think it’s just that stores don’t carry them…which I will repeat, is sad.

I’m gonna hafta find a new 1 point snack that is large-ish so I actually feel fuller after eating it instead of unchanged…hmm…this is gonna be hard…

My Apple Pear is MIA!

21 Mar

I like staying inside until the sun has set – sadly, monday through friday that is not possible, sigh, but on the weekends, well, that’s my time!

Yesterday (sunday) I went for a hike around 1pm or so and felt like I was being blinded the entire time…I forgot my sunglasses in my suv, oops! lol. So, until the sun went down I spent the rest of my day inside, protected from the elements. 😛 This means I went grocery shopping around 8:30pm-ish, which really, is an excellent time because not many people grocery shop that late on a sunday. 🙂

The point of all this! I decided to try a new fruit, not new to the world or anything, but new to me – I picked up an Apple Pear. It’s white like a, well, like a pear (go figure lol) but apple shaped. I have absolutely no idea what this thing is gonna taste like but hey, can’t kill me to try something new right? I put it in my cart, put it on the moving part of the till…and that was the last time I saw it! It just…disappeared!

I didn’t realize it was MIA until hours and hours later when I was chilling at home and all of a sudden I realized I hadn’t unpacked it; it’s weird what our brains remember and when. shrug. I went rooting through the fridge, dug out the reusable grocery bags I use – I looked everywhere I could think of in the hopes I accidentally put it somewhere weird. lol. Then I went out and checked the trunk, under the suv, on the grass and path from my suv to my door…I must of looked so weird. Ah well. So then I dug out the receipt and checked to see if I paid for the missing fruit.

I did not. Weird.

I am thinking the cashier thought the apple pear belonged to the guy behind me and that’s why it didn’t get put through with my stuff, sigh. Annoying! I was actually pretty pissed cause I was looking forward to having the apple pear as part of my breakfast today but sadly it was not to be. Ah well, I stopped at the grocery store after work today and bought the last two the store had so I will get one for brekkie tomorrow along with some grapes! 🙂

 My food choices today were (I think) fairly great. 🙂 I ate lots of fruit and vegg and even had some protein in there, woohoo. 🙂

Here is what I ate:

1 apple = 1 point

1 cup grapes = 1 point

1 banana = 1 point

1 can Fiesta Veg and Black Bean Soup = 4 points

1 piece toast = 1 point

1 orange = 1 point

1 Minute Rice Brown Rice Cup = 4 points

stir fried mixed veggies = 0 points

     – 1 carrot, 1 celery stalk, 1 mushroom, handful of water chestnuts, handful of bean sprouts, garlic

15 grams light shredded cheese = 1 point

1/2 serving chicken = 1 point

4 cashews (split) = 1 point

1 piece toast = 1 point

1/2 tbls Nutella = 1 point

1 pckg Quaker Granola Crunch’ers = 2 points

Total Points Eaten = 20 😀

Perfect! 😀

Let’s count shall we? That is 7-8 servings of fruit/veggie, 2 servings of protein (the beans in the soup and the chicken with dinner), 3 servings of grain (the toast and the rice) and 1-2 servings of dairy (the cheese and the nutella) wOOt! wOOt! 😀

The points for the chicken are a tad weird, lemme explain. 🙂 I used Maple Leaf already cooked and sliced chicken breast; half the package is 2 points and I used a tiny bit over a quarter of the package – I did measure how much I used but didn’t write it down and can’t remember the exact weight. Oops! But that’s why my chicken was only 1 point.

I made a stir fry for dinner, a first for me. I was worried I’d screw it up but it turned out suprisingly yummy. A bonus to the whole stir fry dinner thing is I got a whack load of veggies, a way filling meal and it was low in points. 🙂

So far this week is already going better then last week – work wise and food wise. 🙂 Let’s hope I can continue to eat properly for the rest of the week…oh, and I guess I am also hoping the weather clears up so I can go hiking after work (it rained all day today)…I can’t believe I am hoping for good hiking weather…*rolls eyes*…will wonders never cease? lol 😛

Back To Basics

20 Mar

Alrighty, so if you read my more recent posts you know that last week sucked a big hairy toe and I am uber glad it is over and done with. Well, turns out last week wasn’t quite done with me and wanted one more chance to kick my ass. sigh.

My food week starts on Saturdays so I weigh myself on Saturdays so that I know how my weight changed during the previous week – make sense? Well, I weighed myself yesterday (saturday) and almost fell off the scale…I had gained 3 pounds! Gained??!?!!?! Fuck! After a moment of pure shock and sadness and freak out-ness I had the hope that maybe it showed a gain of 3 pounds cause I was freakishly bloated…maybe I really only gained like 1-2 pounds but blotation was making it worse…hey, hope springs eternal right?

So after a day of shopping with KL – where I refused to try clothes on cause I felt so bad about the weight gain, and eating not healthy food cause of being out all day I decided what I needed was a reboot.

I got up today and weighed myself again – sadly, the 3 pounds gained is real, double fuck! Then I went for a hike. *rolls eyes* Nothing like getting fatter to motivate you to get some exercise. lol.

I hiked 3.8 km on a strenuous level path around a golf course; this is the hiking path I was using last summer on a fairly regular basis. When winter finally showed up and I had to stop using the hiking path there was a part of me (a huuuuuge part!) that was happy I had a legit reason for no longer going out and exercising after work. I can’t afford a gym or anything and hey, if I can’t go out exercising cause of the weather…well, I can’t be blamed for the seasons changing. 😛

I guess since spring is practically here I don’t have a legit excuse – oops, I meant to say reason, a legit reason for not exercising. *big dramatic sigh* I’m not looking forward to the next chapter in my weight loss journey – I don’t want to start hiking again, I am lazy and I like being lazy! Also, when I got home I could still smell the out of doors, ugh, I don’t like the out of doors – I like being inside, away from nature. My clothes had picked up the smell of trees and leafs and grass an stuff – ick.

Maybe my punishment for getting fat is having to go out in nature to exercise…?

So today I started what is sure to be the painful path back to losing my weight instead of gaining it back – cause really, having to re-lose weight I had just lost, totally sucks! I thought about food groups, I planned ahead for what I was going to be eating, I refused to let myself snack when I wasn’t hungry, I was really careful about writing down what I ate, I didn’t fudge on my points and I exercised. Seems simple, and really – it is. I don’t know why I stopped being so diligent about all of this but I did, sigh. No wonder I gained 3 pounds, shrug.

This coming Friday I am going to a birthday dinner so my goal for this week is to not use any flex points until Friday and weather permitting I will hike twice this week. Those both seem reachable goals to me and I made sure to buy lots of healthy stuff when I went grocery shopping – I have even come up with some dinner ideas to try out this week that will include large veggie portions and lean meats – see? Planning ahead!

I wonder if I will be able to lose that 3 pounds as quickly as I gained it? Guess we’ll find out in a week! 🙂

Carbs and Chocolate

18 Mar

All I have wanted this entire week is carbs and chocolate – and lemme tell ya, it’s been hard to resist the wanting…most of the time I haven’t resisted, I caved…no, not just caved, I jumped off the diving board marked willpower and cannon balled into a pool of liquid chocolate that had bread pieces for dipping. YUM! 😀 lol

I keep dipping a spoon in to my jar of Nutella and not writing it down in my tracker – after all, a little spoonful of Nutella doesn’t count right? HA! Maybe not that first spoonful but the multiple spoonfuls since then sure do add up! 😛

Part of me feels badly about my eating this week, I’ve been eating all kinds of bad-for-me foods and I am definitely scared for weigh in day tomorrow – oh man, that scale is gonna show such a not good number, I can feel it! Even though I feel a bit bad I don’t feel as crappy as one would expect – I think it’s cause it’s been such a shitty week and those various foods I ate are the only things that kept me sane.

What can I say – certain foods are classified “comfort foods” for a reason.

Monday: crap news at work about work – I had a personal sized pizza and dessert bread sticks for dinner.

Thursday: guy at work made a comment that made me feel  like I weigh 1000 lbs, I drank a small milkshake and over the course of the day ate 5 pancakes, 3 of which had nutella spread on them.

I baked cookies last Sunday and ate some everyday until they were completely gone, I believe the last day they were around was Tuesday – so that’s 3 days of eating cookies.

Friday (today): ate over my points deliberately cause I neeeeeded chocolate and couldn’t find a way to not eat it (admittedly, I didn’t try very hard to find a way to not eat it…hormones ya know?)

So, hmm, looking back, bad week? Yes! As bad as I feel it was? Oddly enough, No. Go fig. I thought I overate everyday and it looks like I didn’t, which is good, but the pizza and dessert breadsticks put me so far in to my flex points on Monday that really, I should have been uber careful the rest of the week to ensure I didn’t use all my flex points for the week. But yeah, I didn’t. Instead I was ruled by hormones and emotions and ate my feelings…

I used to do that a lot more often, eat my feelings I mean. If a day was good -celebrate with food. If a day was bad – make myself feel better with food. No matter what happened in a day I could find some “reason” to over eat or eat something that was really bad for me (usually fast food, oh how I miss McD’s lol) I have been trying to stop doing that but some days (weeks) I totally fall back in to the habit.

Also, I find if I have a day where I cave and eat something I shouldn’t (say, a cookie or pancakes with nutella on them) then the next day it’s even harder to not eat something on par with that treat. Like, I did it yesterday and didn’t combust so why can’t I eat it again today? I know in my head why I can’t treat myself like that everyday – long term I’d gain all my weight back, but in the moment it can be really hard to remember that.

So yeah, the week has sucked – on a personal front, a work front and a food front. 😦 Luckily, the week is over and I am fully expecting next week to be better – not cause I have some inside knowledge about next week, I am expecting it to be better because well, cause I say it will be! lol So there! 🙂

aaaand the self esteem plummets

17 Mar

Guys suck, throw rocks at ’em. Some days that quote is just perfect.

It’s been a crappy week – work stuff, acting stuff, pmsing like crazy – I’m surprised I haven’t beaten someone…or eaten an entire tub of nutella (which let me tell ya, still a possibility!)

Today is St. Patrick’s Day (duh!) so a day of fun and green. 😀

Every year McDonald’s for this one day only makes a Shamrock Shake – a mint green milkshake! YUM! I decided that since the milkshake is only made one day out of the year it would be ok for me to get one (size small of course) so some friends at work and I went at lunch time. So no biggy right? One small milkshake isn’t gonna kill me or anything but when I was standing at a friend’s desk waiting for her to get her coat on one of the guys heard where we were going, looked right at me and in front of the entire frickin office said nice n loud “you’re getting a milkshake? aren’t you supposed to be on a diet?”. That might seem like not so bad of a question but it was the tone he said it in…totally made me feel like I am 1000 lbs and shouldn’t ever even think about getting a milkshake let alone actually drinking it. 😦  And to make it worse the entire office went silent and stared at him then at me with looks on their faces like “wtf??”

My first instinct was to go over and punch him, which would’ve gotten me fired, sigh, so instead I walked off in the other direction. I ended up kicking a wall and thank goodness my boot protected my foot!

If it hadn’t been for my friends telling me to ignore him and to still go to McD’s I so would have just gone and sat down and eaten my soup. I hate that something stupid someone said could make me feel so down about my weight. The whole rest of the day I just kept thinking all kinds of negative things about my weight. grr. No one should have that kind of power over someone else and yet…obviously heartless stupid comments do have a strong impact on me, as evidenced by today.

So it’s yet one more crappy day – this week blows. I can’t wait for it to be over, although, I am terrified for weigh in day. eek. This week I have eaten pizza, dessert breadsticks and a milkshake…not good! Too many cheats in one week. I’ve gotta tighten up the reins and be more careful or I’ll lose ground – and that would suck even more then mean comments from stupid guys at work!

From Sadness to Fear to Anger to Self Medication

14 Mar

Have you ever noticed how fear makes us do weird things? We all react to it differently and a situation that intellectually isn’t that big of a deal grows so huge in our heads we freak out.

There’s legit fear; like what those in Japan have been feeling for days – earthquake, tsunami and now failing power plants, they are probably wondering what is going to happen next, I know I am.

But there is another fear, fear on a personal level about all kinds of things. Fear of embarassment, fear caused by your pride, fear of illness, pain, poverty…

The type I felt today was fear of change.

Normally I spout on about the greatness that is change – change your hairstyle, wardrobe, food, always try something new when you have the chance, always choose the thing you haven’t done yet because change makes you grow…and growth is all kinds of good! 😀

Sometimes though something changes that throws you, something you never really thought about changing and therefore didn’t prepare for.

All my talk about loving change and today I was knocked back a step, reminded how replaceable I am, how in this large company I am no more important then a background person on a movie set – I am a breathing prop.

Nobody wants to be that; nobody wants to think their manager will just trade them to a different section of the company without any advance notice, a question about if you want to go…hell, a hint?!

Today I got pulled aside and told I am being switched to a different department, my work load is being redistributed to those I have to leave behind and the contents of my desk will be moved to a new section.

Now sure, it could be worse. At least I know on a friendly lunch room sociable level those I’ll be working with but I don’t even know what they do let alone what I will be doing.

A person I trained who recently got traded over to this same departmant will now be training me – ah, see how pride can rear it’s ugly head?

So, let’s recap my emotions of the day since my being told of my shift at work:

(1) shock, surprise (2) sadness at not getting to sit near my friend, at being booted out of the department I have been in for so long, at having to move where I sit (3) bit more shock when I fully realized how replaceable I am (4) fear about my new job, new area I will be sitting in, people I will be sitting with, what will be expected of me, fear of the unknown (5) anger at myself for being so weak and whiny I would be scared over a change as insignificant as this

So how does all this connect to my weight loss? Cause we all know I have to link everything back to that at some point…lol

Simple, my overly emotional day (mostly, well, ok, all negative emotions) put me on a roller coaster I am not good at riding. Some people self medicate with alcohol, cigarettes, drugs of some sort…I use food. *rolls eyes* So that is what I did today for dinner…I stopped at Panago Pizza on the way home and ordered a personal sized beef taco pizza with jalapeno ranch dipping sauce and I also got the dessert bread sticks…cause the pizza isn’t bad enough apparently.

Hey, sure, it’s not a good way to deal with what happened but it could’ve been worse! I could have followed through with my original plan to hit up a liquor store, so there! 😛 Least the calories I took in were food related and there were some food groups in there (I get my pizza loaded with lettuce and tomato) instead of just inhaling empty calories on beer…lemme at least pretend there is a silver lining here ok?

The day started off well, I read up on the amount of servings expected per day for all the food groups and was well on my way of hitting the 6-8 fruit veggie servings we are supposed to get per day but yeah, I so failed that plan. sigh. Ah well, that’s what tomorrow is for…stupid emotions…see if I let you kick my butt next time! Grr!

Celebrate! woohoo!

12 Mar

30.8! thirty decimal eight! trente virgule huit! This is how much weight I have lost in total as of today!! I made it to the thirties! 😀 😀 😀

I lost exactly 1 pound this week, yah! 😀

Soooo yeah, today has totally rocked. lol. How could it not?

My mini treat to myself was a new pair of work pants if I hit 30lbs lost but shopping costs money and I don’t have that right now so instead I am going to treat myself with a perogy dinner lol. Not as exciting as a new pair of pants but hey, it’s something! And next week I will buy the pants. 🙂

Not much has happened today, besides my crazed happy dance after I saw the number on the scale, lol, I have been totally up in self esteem today which is always nice. And yeah, I know! I shouldn’t base my self esteem on my looks but uh, hello? Do you live in this society?

I may act all confident an stuff but a huge part of my self esteem is based on my looks and feeling confident in how others see me. The more weight I lose the better I am feeling about myself and the image I project to others. I wonder what I will feel about myself when I have reached my final weight loss goal…I’ll probably have to find some new way to keep my self esteem high once that happens cause even I can’t maintain high self esteem solely based on my looks…I’m shallow but not that shallow lol. 😛

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